To go off sick? Would you in this situation?

[Bhuwilo]

I’m exhausted. That’s it really. Have a toddler and dh works away in the week. I despise the nursery run as I also work full time and the whole process of getting dd ready etc and in the car is exhausting. I used to love my career. I just want a few weeks off. I don’t mean annual leave (can’t do that as don’t have enough) but I mean a few weeks off trying to meet everyone’s needs but my own. A few weeks of dropping dd then focusing on myself. I’m so burnt out. Is this reasonable? Have you done it or would you?

I don’t think people are bashing OP at all. People are pointing out that she isn’t ill but that her work life balance isn’t working. That’s not a reason to go off sick. That’s a reason to make different arrangements - reduce hours, change childcare, make sure DH’s pattern work for the family and not just him. If just sounds like a busy life and juggling to me which everyone has to do whether it’s babies, toddlers, kids, teens or elderly parents.

In this case you need to change your hours/job.

So take some annual leave. That's literally what it's for

All you lot saying she just needs to change her lifestyle - there are LOADS of conditions that lead to tiredness and fatigue. Anaemia, low b12, thyroid issues, stress, depression, anxiety - you have no idea what's causing it! OP get of this thread, I can't imagine it's really being any help and get yourself to the Drs for screening and blood tests.

It's not that though, is it? Most people have the integrity to understand lying about being ill is wrong and that getting one solitary toddler to nursery before work is no big deal, and that's what is being communicated with the OP. We all do jobs all day with no highness or mightiness involved. I personally can't believe that it's even entered their head, it's embarrassing!

Why do you keep ignoring the fact that you have a 'husband's work' problem and not a 'your employer' problem?

Your husband's loyalty should be to you and his child, not his employer.

So why isn't he taking time off?

Is he looking at changing jobs ASAP to help protect your mental health?

Wtf!! Where is OP lying about anything?? Does it not occur to anyone that exhaustion and not coping could easily be due to a number of medical conditions. Honestly 🤦‍♀️

Then she needs to see her GP to explore that option, not to take a rest for a few weeks because she doesn't want to use her annual leave.

Annual leave literally enables us to take a break from work.

Well I think that's down to the GP and OP to work out, don't you?

You don’t really understand burnout/mental health issues if you think that. Taking time out to fix it could mean it never comes back at all. It’s like saying dont rest your broken leg because it’ll only break again when you next use it.

Well yes, as someone with perma anaemia (no-one can tell me why) I spend half my life feeling like poo, then I remember to ring and ask the Dr for industrial strength iron tablets, then I take them and then I crack on with life feeling better until they run out. I don't take time 'off sick', even while I was having all sorts of tests it never entered my head. I just identified and did something about the cause! If the OP is struggling then she needs to work out why. From the posts I've read, it's just the toddler wrangling that's the issue so either she needs to give up her job or get some help in, either from her DH or an au pair or mother's help.

Well good for you! When I was anaemic (through blood loss) I couldn't walk to the school without sitting on the bench half way for a rest. No way I could have worked. Everyone bashing the op is telling her she's just tired and needs to crack on or go part-time. She needs to see the Dr and go from there. A Dr is not going to sign someone off for weeks without good reason!

That's me now actually, but I've stopped the school run as they're too old and I'm taking more breaks on the dog walk - I do need to ring for tablets 😂How could you not have worked though? Would never enter my head, I'd just be in bed by 8pm.

A Dr is not going to sign someone off for weeks without good reason!

Depends on what the OP tells the GP. Not unheard of if someone is not getting the length of sick leave they want to exaggerate their symptoms. Looks like the OP already has in mind how many weeks she wants off 'sick'.

Goes back to this idea of integrity.

The phrase 'burnout' means different things to different people.

'Story' being the operative word! Maybe the OP needs an easier job, one she can cope with.

Because I had the world's worst periods that couldn't be contained and could barely leave the house some days, needed surgery plus a stack of other life stressors making everything worse. But I fully expect people judged who didn't know the full details! If OP is exhausted she's unlikely to be thinking straight until she's had a rest. A load of judgemental reactions don't help. Most posts are just telling her to crack on - ime that can just compound feelings of helplessness and hopelessness. She just needs to see a Dr and take it from there.

But it will because she'll still have a toddler and a husband who works away.

And again, she has annual leave.

She just doesn't want to 'waste' it.

YABU

Again, that’s not how it works. Things that caused but our will not necessarily do so again once you have dealt with it and either made some changes or changed your approach to it. You can’t do wither when you are exhausted.

Good, so she can use her annual leave.

Relax a bit and then have the much needed conversation with her husband.

Take some kind of leave for a week and keep sending your child to nursery. My preference personally would be annual leave, parental leave and only sick leave of the first two are impossible.

Rest, and come up with a plan.

What are your mornings and evenings like currently? MNers are good at helping rearrange things to make life easier. Is dc sleeping well?

Ideally aim to only do childcare, minimal light cooking and washing up on weekdays. Get DH to do at weekends or outsource all cleaning, laundry and food shopping etc.

i fell asleep more times than I can count while doing evening bedtime.

weeknight meals should be things like spag Bol with sauce one of you did at the weekend, jacket potatoes with filling from tin or cold meat from weekend etc. Easy and fed are the priorities.

ps - although this is hard, it is much easier than being a single parent when no matter how ill you are everything is on your shoulders. I’ve done both. But it’s not a competition. You can find this setup tough.

Yes, sorry I just don't get it. I won't bore you with the intricate details of my stressors right now, but the headlines are they also involve horrendous periods, the decline and recent death of my mother, 3 lots of surgery in the past 2 years, a property renovation, a divorce and my son being so ill he's been medically discharged from the Army and come home. The last thing I want to do is work. But you know, it's not me that's ill so I've just kept going because I am a professional person with enough integrity to realise what's right and what's taking the piss. I am absolutely exhausted but life goes on and I genuinely am appalled at so many people making excuses to have time off! Even when mum died and i was distraught and shattered after looking after her until the end, I just took my 5 days bereavement entitlement to sort her funeral and that was it. We're clearly not called sicknote Britain for nothing 😂.

Your husband needs to be the one to step in and help. He should be taking time off to give you a rest and you need to look at your current set up. That could be a cleaner or changing jobs, going part time but I don’t think going off sick is going to be the cure.
You haven’t mentioned what your husband is doing to help, is there a specific reason for that?

Please discuss with the GP. There may be an option to reduce your hours but you sound like you need some sort of help.

Please don't carry on past breaking point. Not only will it impact you but also your little family.

Getting help NOW is the best thing you can do for your mental and physical health - and could be the start of a great year for you, once you're out the other side.
Use any time off to decide what's brought you to this point and what you can do to make the future better - whether that's a different job, sorting priorities or scheduling in some breathing space for yourself.

Sending lots of understanding your way.