Families when someone is wanting to change genders

[Pleasesendhelp8]

Have posted before but NC for this. Just after some advice really, i am a carer for DS1 (19) he has adhd and autism, high levels, still very dependant. Struggling with his sexuality and gender. Well I say struggling, he is sure that he’s gay, and he is sure that he wants to start hormone therapy to start to transition to be a woman, although he doesn’t want to actually be a woman he just wants top surgery. (Fine, I mean, it came out of nowhere at the time as he’s never been a feminine kind of boy, but ok.) The part where he is gay I kind of expected and I am supportive, the rest I try to support him as much as I can. However, this is where it gets difficult, I also have DS2 (9) and DD1 (2). Our house is so small that DS 1 is still sharing a room with DS2. 19 and 9, I’m sharing a room with DD1. (Just for context, I am trying to find somewhere bigger and more suitable, although it is extremely difficult in my position, I’m unable to work as I’m a single parent and also caring for two of my autistic children with additional needs I had to quit my job when DS1 was a teenager as it became apparent he needed someone with him atall times.) Anyhow, I have asked that he holds off from any hormone therapies while he is sharing a room with his younger brother for obvious reasons! But he does in the evenings change into womens clothes, sometimes a little revealing in my opinion. I mean I don’t wear miniskirts and shoulder revealing tops round the house but I have felt unable to broach this as a subject. I’ve just asked that he keeps it PG around his younger sibs. I’m just gaging what other people would do in this situation as I don’t want my younger son to feel uncomfortable in his own room, and I don’t want my older son to feel like he can’t be who he wants. But it’s just so difficult 😞

This falls over because what you are referring to is the illegitimate discrimination experienced by people with a particular sexual orientation who were seeking to be treated as equally as heterosexual people. Homosexual or bisexual people were not seeking to be treated any differently at all to the rest of the population. There is also no 'diagnosis' needed for any medical condition to be homosexual or bisexual.

The two states of being are not equivalent and to attempt to make them equivalent is a false comparison.

Nope not at all.

Gay rights didn't affect anyone else's rights, safety and dignity.

The same cannot be said for what the TRAs are demanding.

A quick google tells me that until 1973, the American Psychiatric Association classified homosexuality as a mental illness in its Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM). It was removed from the DSM after advocacy and research by LGBTQ+ activists and medical professionals…

https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/hi

www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/hide-and-seek/201509/when-homosexuality-stopped-being-a-mental-disorder?amp

And yet, homosexual people did not believe they were something they materially were not, and never demanded that people believe that they were anything other than the same sex attracted people they are. And bisexual similar but as both sex attracted.

Same sex or both sex attracted orientations are not equivalent to a group who claims that their philosophical belief about themselves that is not supported by material reality needs to be affirmed.

You can continue to attempt to make this comparison all you like and posters can just as freely point out the logical flaws in the comparison.

I wouldn't want him around my younger kids let alone sharing a bedroom. This must all be extremely confusing and uncomfortable for them.

Not wanting men in women's sports or women's spaces is not a "misunderstanding."

Gay people only wanted the same rights as everyone else, which of course they should have. Trans people already have the same rights as everyone else and want additional ones, at the expense of women.

Right now, there’s resistance due to misinformation and fear, but as people learn more about trans identities, understanding will increase. Being trans will likely be seen as a natural part of human diversity (like being gay is today)

I disagree entirely. The more information people have about AGP the less tolerance they have. The cats out of the bag and no amount of instructing people to be kind will put it back.

On the contrary. The more people understand, the less they like it.

Misunderstanding my arse.

Homosexuality has nothing to do with being a transsexual and it's outrageously insulting to connect them. You might as well start banging on about Hiltler.

My dd had to stop playing football because there were so many boys in the teams she was getting injured every week. Who those boys were sexually attracted to has nothing to do with it.

Yes exactly, the trajectory of acceptance of gay and trans is exactly opposite.

Gay/lesbian sexual attraction became more and more accepted as it became more understood. Whereas the more people understand about TRA demands, the more their support dwindles.

Right - people started off being accepting, as they didn't want to repeat the mistakes of the past, and became less so once they looked a little closer.

This is bollocks.

Most women have always been absolutely fine with people being gay. it was homophobic men that had the issues. Transgenderism is not the same thing at all and most women will never accept men appropriating their lived experience, including many, many lesbians. Don't spread ideological nonsense.

Also, I thought you were leaving this thread now? the usual acvtivist ploys I see.

Yes I was accepting at first, I thought trans people just felt they were born in the wrong body and wanted to change that.

Then I realised they actually wanted everyone to pretend they really were a different sex and refer to them as that different sex and their their official documents would say that they had actually changed sex - and also that they then wanted access to the wrong sex toilets and sports and prisons.

I was fine with people being trans. I wasn't fine with them believing they had magically changed sex. As others say this is the opposite of what happened with understanding homosexuality, I grew up in the 70's when gay was an insult, then we got the Aids advert when I was a teen. But I grew up, got educated and understood and accepted.

He wants top surgery? So, a pair of boobs whilst retaining his penis?
Tell him that's not how women are actually built and get him some therapy.

Eventually those that have plundered and appropriated what they think it is to a be woman will be cancelled, it will be recognised as yet more male power play.

That day can't come soon enough.

@Mamabearto3 but being gay is a sexuality. You fancy those of your own sex. You're usually born that way.

Wanting to have surgery and take medication and then identify and actually become the opposite sex is different. It's not possible to become another sex. If you are trans, you are a separate category. Who of course should be respected day to day just like any other human.

But equating the trans debate and attitudes towards gays in the past is incorrect in my view.

While I thank you for posting this, it is entirely irrelevant to your point that being 'transgender' will be just like being 'homosexual' understanding in the future.

To be very blunt and very clear.

Being same sex or both sex attracted requires no person to believe anything that is not based in material reality about the person who states that they are same sex or both sex attracted.

Please name one thing about same sex or both sex attracted people that they wanted people to know that is not based in material and objective reality? There is no demand to believe that a human is something that they are materially not or that relies solely on a belief system to support.

And then please name one right of other groups that same sex or both sex attracted people demand that is not available to heterosexual people? Because I don't recall any demands that were for greater privileges than any other group, but I might be wrong.

"but the pushback against both usually comes from the same place…fear…. misunderstanding, and basically discomfort with anyone who doesn’t fit the norm."

This above is also a misrepresentation of the majority of the 'pushback'. It is not coming from 'fear....misunderstanding, and basically discomfort with anyone who doesn't fit the norm.'. The majority of the pushback is coming from people who don't believe that a human can change sex and who don't believe that a male person becomes in any way a female person - either through extreme body modification or through legal certification.

It is this affirmation of belief that are the additional privileges that a group of transgender people (not even ALL transgender people) are demanding.

And there is also a distinct lack of symmetry between the impact on society even between the acceptance of female people who claim to have a transgender identity and male people who claim to have a transgender identity. As is the lack of symmetry between the motivations for the majority of female people declaring a transgender identity vs the general group of male people.

In addition, there is also very different concerns about the health and wellbeing between male and female people who have declared transgender identities.

Hence, making false negative generalisations about "the pushback against both usually comes from the same place…fear…. misunderstanding, and basically discomfort with anyone who doesn’t fit the norm" is not accurate at all. It could be said to not even be accurate to describe the 'pushback' for half of the people expressing concerns, valid or not valid, about people who claim to be transgender.

What statements such as this negative generalisation come across as is an oversimplification. Which is the only way, ie. very superficially, that your claimed comparison works.

alot of food for thought here, yes I did get defensive, of course i did, I care about this boy a lot he is my son I’ve raised him alone from a young age. This is such a hard thing to go through I wouldn’t wish it on anybody.
What am I actively supposed to do?
Again, I’m very heavy on the safeguarding of my younger two due to things I have experienced myself. I’m very protective of them. They are not at risk, and due to their different ages, they don’t spend any time with their older brother. He stays away for college 3 nights a week, although in September he would of finished college and be at home full time, my younger son spends 2 or 3 nights a week at his dads, they rarely see each other let alone spend any time together IYSWIM.
im unable to police my 19 year olds phone, he is an adult. I do monitor my younger ones screen time etc no phones in bedrooms.
There is nowhere else for DS1 to go. He has nobody else apart from me and elderly GM. I think the focus will be on rehousing/house swap to somewhere more suitable where he can have his own space and a therapist!! . I can’t physically tell him not to grow his hair or what to wear further than I already have, I can’t turf him out with nowhere to go. Can I buy a caravan and pop him in there?! 😅 (joke) oh it’s just so difficult! I feel torn daily between wanting to do right by him but also the harsh realities. .

Also thank you to the people that have shared similar stories it does help to know that I’m not the only one facing this situation!

Personally my opinion is that we need to be honest with our children. My DD came home from school a few years ago and told me there was a transgirl in the school. She also had a friend who identified as a boy
I told her that's all fine but nobody can change sex and a boy thinking he is a girl is based on stereotypes and offensive to women. She called me a terf for a couple of tears then came across creepy men who identified as girls and became a terf herself
She is only 19 now and non of her friends believe anyone is the opposite sex

but the pushback against both usually comes from the same place…fear…. misunderstanding, and basically discomfort with anyone who doesn’t fit the norm."

I think it’s reached the point that those who do support it are operating from a place of misunderstanding or sheer delusion. There is no longer any denying the amount of trans identifying men who commit horrific sexual crimes and don’t get me started on the abuse trans widows have been expected to tolerate.

Whats your thoughts about this Mamabear?