Being woken up at 5 am when not going to work

[Eightiesprincess]

I'm very confused right now and wondering if I actually am being unreasonable. My Partner wakes up at 3 am for work (usually 2 alarms later ) goes downstairs then comes back up at 5am to get dressed and go in doing so walks into the bedroom bangs on the light and proceeds to have a conversation with me. This morning I suggested that there was an argument that he could have put the lamp on rather than the main light to which his reply was there is an argument that you could get up and use the day.
When I stated I was off work and on holiday he tore into me telling me I was entitled and ungrateful.
Am I ? I had simply planned to get up at 7 and start the day.

If you got this far. Thank you 🙏🏻

What a prick. Can’t he put his clothes for the day and whatever he needs in the living room the night before instead of disturbing you? What time he goes to bed? If it’s day 9, go to the room and proceed talking to him at 11, again at 1 and so on

I'm with this other poster, why didn't you put a stop to it when it first happened. Why have you just put up with it for so long? Just because someone bangs on repeatedly about something doesn't mean they are right. You have the capability of independent thinking to objectively decide if something is OK, not just accepting it because he's 'drumming it into you'. You need to ask yourself because frankly your standards are pretty low if you even have to ask if him treating you like this is in any way acceptable. Do you really think most women/your female friends etc would think this behaviour is normal and OK?

He doesn't respect you, is bullying you and treating you like shit and you need to stand up for yourself. If he won't stop then you need to question why you'd still want to continue living that way with someone like that.

I used to work twilight/late shifts and often didn't get to bed until well after midnight/2am and sneak as quietly as possible into bed to not wake up partner. Partner had a normal day job. He'd either get ready in the bathroom and leave the house quietly as I slept in or bring me a cup of tea as he left and I was just waking up. That's what respect & love looks like.

My husband ( works odd hours ) ...gets up after first alarm
Leaves the room
Gets dressed in bathroom
Even brushes teeth in kitchen !

I’d go as far as saying he’s gaslighting and abusing you. Why did you agree it would be ‘selfish’ to make him get dressed elsewhere? Are you generally a doormat (no offence!)? My DH gets up at 5am for work and creeps out of the bedroom, clothes are elsewhere and he makes as little noise as possible. I can’t believe yours comes banging in the room and puts on the light wanting a full on conversation! What a wanker. 🤬

If you were to remove the lightbulb before you went to sleep would he be trying to fix it at 5am or would he just use a lamp?

I would kill someone who did that to me.
It's totally selfish & self centred behaviour

Same. He'd be under the patio by 6am and I'd go back to bed lol.

I would eat him for breakfast

DH works from home and his work is more afternoons and evenings rather than mornings and afternoons so he tends to stay up late and get up late. On the days I am in the office (I work hybrid) I get up at 6.30 (scrambling around in the dark trying to find slippers, glasses, etc) and sort out the evening meal, deal with the dishwasher, make my lunch, etc while I waken up and have my breakfast. I go back upstairs just before 8 to get dressed but I switch on my bedside lamp rather than the ceiling light unless DH is obviously awake.
The disadvantage of not putting the ceiling light on is that I might end up waking him anyway as I trip on his shoes and laundry which is randomly abandoned on the bedroom floor.

gosh, really?
we were on to discussing why OP is still with this shit. And my guess is appeasing him because he has taken on 2 of her kids.

Previously i have suggested waking him up...

Do you just go on every single thread and slag off all OPs?

Omg, I actually can't believe what I just read. What an arsehole! He's the entitled one. Just because he's up, doesn't mean everyone else has to be! This selfishness would be my excuse for a divorce. I'm sorry he treats you like this op 😔

You aren’t being unreasonable. I am generally now an early riser - 5am for gym/ walking dogs etc before leaving for work. My daughter was home from uni for Christmas and I was really mindful that I didn’t wake her. Also having done night shifts previously I am a really light sleeper so being woken would really annoy me. Even now I use the automatic night lights as much as possible

He is very unreasonable. I have to ask what time does he go to bed to get up at 3?

He is very unreasonable. I have to ask what time does he go to bed to get up at 3?

I was going to say I hope you don't have kids with this selfish prick but, upon further reading, it appears you do.

I work part time (and have just gone on mat leave). My husband gets up at 6 for work. If I'm still asleep, he puts the landing light on so that he can see well enough to get dressed, but it's not as bright as the main light. He only wakes me at 7, when he brings me up a cup of tea and kisses me goodbye. You're not being unreasonable!

What an absolute prick. Also, why does he get up at 3 but not get dressed till 5?

He’s one of those people who think they’re better than everyone because they get up early. They’re the worst.

This first comment nailed it.

My partner leaves for work at 7. His alarm goes off at 6. He has his clothes on the landing and disturbs me as little as possible. The dog might go down to be let out. I sleep until 8.30 or 9- or 6.45 depending on the dog (the dog sometimes wants to go down after partner has left the building). We go to bed by 22.00 most nights.

Today is my partner's day off. I am awake at 8 and he is happily snoring away. I'm taking the dog down and leaving him in peace.

Your partner is being very inconsiderate and petty. Is this really the only instance of such behaviour?

What time does he go to bed?

He's a tw@. I work 12hr shifts days and nights, when I'm on days I have to be up at 5am but hubby not up till 7am so all my clothes, make up, hair stuff is all in the bathroom ready for the morning so I don't wake him up. Your partner is selfish and extremely entitled.

Why does he get up at 3am and not get ready until 5am? When does he sleep? Does he just go to bed early and leave you put all the kids to bed etc?

when I have to get up early, I put the landing light on and pull bedroom door closed so light doesn’t go in when I don’t need to get stuff.

he needs to stop being so selfish. You have to get up and sort kids out etc for school.

if he wants a lie in then he can go train to be a teacher. Plenty of vacancies

I’m an early riser DP is not.
I’ll lie quietly and still in bed until he wakes, just using my phone.
Or if I’m mega awake I’ll go downstairs, get a cuppa and sit on the sofa.
If either of us gets up for work before the other, we leave the lights off and close the door. We do try to be quiet but obvs not silent. Basically, we’re just respectful of each other and our schedules.

Reminds me of my ex partner who when I was sick off work, came into the spare room where I was resting with our baby (so now the baby knew I was home) and asked if I intended to lie about all day as he thought as I wasn’t working I could help out. He wasn’t working, he was on paternity leave so me being sick didn’t cause him any inconvenience. He made me feel so guilty and lazy that I got up 45 mins later to help with the house/childcare. His disregard for my health or needs was one of the last straws. Ditch him OP, my bet is if he’s that uncaring of your need for sleep he’ll be uncaring in other ways too.