Being woken up at 5 am when not going to work

[Eightiesprincess]

I'm very confused right now and wondering if I actually am being unreasonable. My Partner wakes up at 3 am for work (usually 2 alarms later ) goes downstairs then comes back up at 5am to get dressed and go in doing so walks into the bedroom bangs on the light and proceeds to have a conversation with me. This morning I suggested that there was an argument that he could have put the lamp on rather than the main light to which his reply was there is an argument that you could get up and use the day.
When I stated I was off work and on holiday he tore into me telling me I was entitled and ungrateful.
Am I ? I had simply planned to get up at 7 and start the day.

If you got this far. Thank you 🙏🏻

He sounds awful op. What is he like outside this situation?

Bloody hell, my DP creeps around at 4.45 every morning so as to not wake me up. I get up at 5am. Literally 15 minutes later than him.
And when hes off, I leave my clothes in the hallway the night before and use the bathroom light or my phone light. Because that's considerate.

I could not abide being woken up early if I had a day off. I would get rid OP, hes showing you how he feels about you and it's not love is it.

Yanbu but you do forget when you’re working and everyone else isn’t and literally you just go on like it’s everyone’s norm. I’ve definitely flicked on the light because it’s so hard sometimes and while I’m mostly organised some days I can’t find anything and am disoriented!!

' partner '
so not a husband

is he a new partner ?

have you just moved in together ?

or has he been doing this for a long time i.e. getting up at 3 - what is he doing for these two hours ? i.e. cooking a full breakfast for himself ? gaming ?

is it a new job he has ?

' school holidays '
are you a teacher ?
or do you / he / both of you have children ?

If you have a spare bedroom, I would suggest he uses it on the days he is up so early.

No people don't forget. Lots of people here saying they prep the night before. There's no excuses. Saying you 'forget' and flicking on the light is selfish.

Sounds selfish

my husband gets up at 4:30. Most days i never notice because he:

• doesn't snooze his alarm (often wakes up before, switches it off and gets up)
• gets his clothes ready the night before and puts them in the bathroom so he doesn't have to come back in the bedroom
• goes downstairs, does whatever it is he does (sometimes empties the dishwasher, sometimes puts in a load of washing etc)
• goes to work

He isn't an abusive arsehole about how i schedule my day, especially day's off/holidays, and if he gets up first at a weekend, whenever i do come downstairs he makes me a coffee.

Set your bar higher, OP. You don't kneed this knob in your life.

He's being totally unreasonable and really unkind. Your day doesn't start at 5am, why should you be on his schedule? I'm sure you don't keep him up till midnight because he could be enjoying his evening!

Fwiw, my partner comes to stay at mine a few times a week, 1.5 hrs commute from his physical job. He gets his clothes ready the night before and puts them in the bathroom, then gets up around 5, gives me a quick kiss and sneaks out. He doesn't switch on any lights in the bedroom. He always texts saying he hopes I got some more sleep OK.

YANBU.

IMHO your DP’s behaviour is entitled, inconsiderate and, thereby, unreasonable.

We’re all different in terms of body clocks. We haven’t been getting up until midday. Just chilling in bed reading or watching tv. Midwinter’s hibernation time in our home. Though we enjoy a walk before it gets dark.

But it’s not typical to rise at 3am when you don’t need to get dressed until 5am, and expect people who are on holiday from work to also rise at 5am.

Does he have difficulty sleeping? What time does he go to bed if he rises at 3am? Surely he’s in bed by 7pm. Does he ever socialise in the evenings? He sounds pretty stressed.

We have been together 9 years and he has done this throughout our time and it has always been a source of "discussion" however it is only now that I am snapping at the time of it happening as I'm in my mid 40s and need as much sleep as possible.
He watches YouTube videos and games on this time saying it's the only time he can do it in peace before everyone gets up.

Yes I am a teacher, we have 3 children.

It sounds like sour grapes because you are on leave and he has to get up and go to work. He doesn’t sound very nice OP. Are you genuinely happy being with him?

That's ridiculous, 5am is not a normal time to get up and start the day if you don't need to, fair enough if it was 7. I get up at 4.15 to be at work for 5, I don't even have a partner but I put my clothes out the night before and get ready mainly out of the bedroom anyway so I'm pretty sure I wouldn't disturb one if I did. He's mean,and completely unreasonable!

bollocks do people who start super early, in the dark when everyone else in the town is still asleep "forget" not to be cunts.

I agree this would be a good solution for him if he can’t get up without wanting to wake you. Though, presumably, you manage to go to bed without waking him?

I’d go so far as to say he’s abusive. And I fully expect there to be other evidences of abuse within this relationship.

My ex used to do this. He actually joked once that he did it on purpose because he was annoyed he had to get up and I didn't. We had a baby at the time.
Hence why he is an ex.

OMG just saw your most recent post.

FFS of course he does this because you didn't stab him the first time. Bloody hell.

What time does he go to bed? send the DCs in. You go in and turn on the light and bang around when you go to bed. Etc etc. The only way to fight twattery is to out twat them. And then leave.

rightinthedavinamccalls

I don’t do it every day- calm down! A few times it’s happened I haven’t been organised enough and was wrecked tired. My work clothes are black as are most of my clothes and I’ve been running late/ disoriented from being up over the night so have flicked on the light looking for stuff! And yes god help me I’ve once or twice initiated a conversation as I thought dh was awake/ more awake.

Nine years of this? Too late now to say “why have three children with this wanker” but this should have been a one-off nine years ago, and that’s being generous, because for most normal people it would be a never.

How the fuck have you put up with this for 9 years???

why does he think you're entitled & ungrateful?

&!why did you have 3 kids with this bellend??

Only the youngest is his- he treats the other 2 as if they are his tbf

He sounds awful.

I am a morning person. I always creep out of the bedroom and if I need to get up and ready early (London commuter) I take my clothes into another room the night before and I get ready there. I often have to creep back into the bedroom in the dark for tights or perfume but DP never wakes up and if he did I definitely wouldn't try and get him up. He's an adult he can get up when he likes.

This would be LTb for me. I need my sleep! I hate early mornings

Yeah no, 5am is not a reasonable wake time in any normal persons world. And even if it was 8am, you are an adult, with a job and life of your own. Assuming you are contributing appropriately to your shared life re caring for children, pets, the household, generating income etc then your time management is your own concern, he is not your parent or your employer, he has no right to dictate when you should be awake and 'being productive'

TL:DR he's a twat, LTB!