Being woken up at 5 am when not going to work

[Eightiesprincess]

I'm very confused right now and wondering if I actually am being unreasonable. My Partner wakes up at 3 am for work (usually 2 alarms later ) goes downstairs then comes back up at 5am to get dressed and go in doing so walks into the bedroom bangs on the light and proceeds to have a conversation with me. This morning I suggested that there was an argument that he could have put the lamp on rather than the main light to which his reply was there is an argument that you could get up and use the day.
When I stated I was off work and on holiday he tore into me telling me I was entitled and ungrateful.
Am I ? I had simply planned to get up at 7 and start the day.

If you got this far. Thank you 🙏🏻

My partner leaves for work at 3.30am a couple of times a week. He normally wakes before his alarm. He leaves his clothes in the bathroom (main one not en suite) so he doesn’t disturb me. He gets up and goes and gets ready in bathroom and then goes downstairs so he doesn’t disturb me at all. Your partner is acting dreadfully

What part of my post here justifies you telling me to 'calm down'? This is an adult discussion, you don't get to make up dramatic statements because you disagree with them.

No people don't forget. Lots of people here saying they prep the night before, there's no excuses. Saying you 'forget' and flicking on the light is selfish

I always wake up 10 mins before my 3.40an alarm, get dressed downstairs, no lights on.
I also like time to myself before I leave at 5am for work. Dh would never know I'd gone.
Likewise when dh comes in from work at gone 10pm I don't hear him either as he's equally considerate.

Bin the bastard.
Full stop.

He is a total ass!

ffs. move on. hes not going to change. only you can fix this. imagine your life a year from now without him!

Why have you put up with this, though? What’s your reason?

YABVU in getting up at 7am on a day off. Days off are for lying in bed all morning!

rightinthedavinamccalls

apologies for the calm down but people are selfish when they’re tired and disoriented at an early time in the morning and trying to get out to get to work on time. Add in the Christmas holidays when your body is in a bit of shock because it wrongly thinks your on holidays etc etc. yes I have been selfish but I don’t believe that every single time people have everything absolutely together and ready when they have early morning shifts. But anyway, am derailing the thread. Just not sure it all warrants a ltb that’s all! Happy new year to you

9 years
only 1 out of 3 children is his
not married

oh dear

i would have put my foot down years ago ! and dealt with it the first time it happened

how early does this prince of a man go to bed ?
and I suspect he doesn't get disturbed once he is in bed ?

So basically you get no proper sleep after 3am?

Sleep deprivation is a form of torture.

My DH sometimes goes to work early, but always takes all his clothes etc downstairs the night before and gets ready down there, leaving me in bed. If he woke me up I would be very unimpressed. I think I would possibly forget to make tea as I would be having a nap catching up on all my missed sleep!

I sneak about at the weekend when I get up and go out at 6. Manage to get up, get dressed and ready into go out without disturbing anyone and DH wakes up to a flask of hot coffee on the bedside table when he wakes. It’s pretty easy to do by not turning any lights on and getting dressed and teeth brushed downstairs.

Your partner sounds like a selfish wanker.

my guess is this is why.

@Rowgtfc72 gosh that sounds like me and DH when we were first married and doing bonkers shifts. we communicated back then mostly via post-it notes on the fridge door.

I used to snooze the alarm. My DH said it was an absolute dealbreaker for him and so now I jump out as soon as it goes off.

Sometimes we have to consider other people and make changes, it’s just part of being in a relationship.

It works both ways. When he gets up early for work he gets changed in another room. In the early days he would give me a kiss on his way out. That used to disturb my sleep so now he’s not allowed to do anything other than leave the house in complete silence

The big light should never be switched on, only when looking for the remote control.

If someone woke me up and they weren’t even working that day, I would end the relationship immediately. Disturbing someone’s sleep like that is abusive.

He sounds mentally unwell getting up at 3am and is not even going to work, plus all the other things you have mentioned. Very unwell.

i think that if you are the getter-upper then you do not get to speak to the still-sleeper unless the still-sleeper talks first.

What's he doing downstairs on his own in the middle of the night for 2 hours??

If he loved you he'd bring you at cup of tea at 7 or 8 when you get up, instead of clattering around in the dead of night, and picking a fight with you...very unkind.

This is actual torture and I'd want separate bedrooms as a minimum. Ideally separate houses, or separate lives with his abusive and controlling attitude.

@Eightiesprincess "He watches YouTube videos and games on this time saying it's the only time he can do it in peace before everyone gets up." So, he thinks he's entitled to some "peace" to watch YT and play games, but you're not entitled to SLEEP in peace? Sorry OP, but he needs a serious reality check and you could start by showing him this thread. Like many other people commenting on here, when I had to get up at stupid o'clock for work, I had everything prepared in a separate room the night before (right down to body lotion, perfume and jewellery!) so I absolutely did not disturb my DH's sleep - I would NEVER turn on a light in our bedroom. Honestly, who the feck does your DH think he is?! He's an utterly selfish, inconsiderate B!

I agree

You weren’t “very confused” at all

i imagine there were some major fireworks this morning

either way…. this relationship is rotting away

"He watches YouTube videos and games on this time saying it's the only time he can do it in peace before everyone gets up."

tbh, if he is generally a good partner, the 2 hours morning me-time wouldn't bother me.

The waking me up and ranting like a victorian maiden aunt about starting the day early would drive me insane. But as mentioned before, it would have happened with me precisely once. Not over a 9 year period