Being woken up at 5 am when not going to work

[Eightiesprincess]

I'm very confused right now and wondering if I actually am being unreasonable. My Partner wakes up at 3 am for work (usually 2 alarms later ) goes downstairs then comes back up at 5am to get dressed and go in doing so walks into the bedroom bangs on the light and proceeds to have a conversation with me. This morning I suggested that there was an argument that he could have put the lamp on rather than the main light to which his reply was there is an argument that you could get up and use the day.
When I stated I was off work and on holiday he tore into me telling me I was entitled and ungrateful.
Am I ? I had simply planned to get up at 7 and start the day.

If you got this far. Thank you 🙏🏻

I’d be annoyed at being woken up at 7am on a day off, I’ll happily sleep until gone 9:00 when I’m off work. 5am is practically the middle of the night. He’s a selfish prick.

I suspect that he knows exactly what he's doing, and he does it because he resents you not having to get up early, too. He is not a nice person.

Today I rose just after midday, as any gentleman should. My wife, with her odd insomniac ways, preceded me by several hours.

She crept out and did not disturb me.

I believe such is normal in any mutually respectful relationship.

Your partner is a dick.

I often have to start work very early and alarm is set for 4am. It’s very unreasonable of him to:
set two alarms
set alarms two hours early
turn lights on and faff about when you’re trying to sleep.
Be an arsehole when you challenge him.

Actually, I am wrong. It isn’t just unreasonable, it’s abusive.

Why are you tolerating this shite?

What time does he go to sleep? Is it a retaliation thing for you waking him up when you go to bed (if he is already asleep)?

My partner gets up at 5am for work. She takes her stuff in the spare room the night before so she can get dressed there without disturbing me and our 6 month old. You know, like a normal, considerate human being.

This. There was a time when my partner had to leave the house at 5am. She'd set the phone alarm for the quietest option and sleep with it under her pillow, then get up quietly, in the dark, and close the bedroom door softly. I rarely woke up. She'd go downstairs to use the shower room there, which was further away from the bedroom, and get dressed downstairs with the clothes she'd taken down to the living room the night before. She'd make some breakfast with the door to the kitchen shut to. reduce noise and then go. She even used to turn the car's lights off so that she didn't wake me up by floodlighting the bedroom window as she reversed out of the drive.

Your partner should be doing most of this for you, OP. It's what any decent person would do.

Like the first poster said he's a selfish cunt.

My ex was like this. Note ex. And this was one of the reasons.

There is absolutely no reason for this twat to be coming back into the room at 5 am. It's deliberate. If he has to get up at 3 am, ok, but his stuff should be in the bathroom the night before so he doesn't come back in putting the light on and thus disturbing you twice and then blaming it all on you being ungrateful.

I had all of this from ex. I also had the "you should be getting up and starting the day and cleaning before you go to work" stuff as well.

There's not much you can do about this apart from a) make a noise and keep disturbing him when you go to bed later than him, in and out, banging around, lights on and off etc or b) just kick the fucker out because he's always going to be a selfish cunt.

This.

He sounds crazy and inconsiderate, Who on earth gets up at 3am if they don't need to!

What are his good points? Because he sounds aggressively selfish and resentful, disrespectful, and vindictive. There’d need to be a lot of major pluses not to LTB.
What time does he go to bed?
And just to give us an idea of what he’s like, how did Christmas go? What did he do, what did he get you?

Yeah, he'd be out on his ear if he was my DH.

I have adhd and need all the sleep I can get to manage my MH, so he literally would be toast.

My dh gets up at 5am every day and he leaves his clothes for the next day on the landing. He also creeps out of the room and tries his hardest not to wake me.

Because he’s a decent and normal man who would see no reason to wake me at that ungodly hour.

Your dh is a selfish, nasty twat who is resentful of the fact you don’t need to get up at the same time as him and so is literally going to punish you for it.

The fact you are even on here asking if you’re being unreasonable suggests there are other things going on in this relationship that you’ve been conditioned to accept.

Also - I’m a sahm with teenagers so I don’t go out to work and dh still goes out of his way to be quiet - as do I if I wake in the middle of the night and get up for a bit - that’s what people who care for one another do.

@Eightiesprincess sounds like he’s jealous that you have a day off and he’s trying to ruin it for you.

Next time he is off, do the same to him and see how he likes it xx

he tore into me telling me I was entitled and ungrateful.

There is more here than being noisy and waking you at 5 am. Please leave this horrible man.

This. My partner sometimes gets up for an early cycle he sets everything out downstairs that he needs and sleeps on the couch so as not to wake me or the kids. I would do the same if up earlier than 6.30.

YANBU. When DH has an early start he takes his work clothes and toothbrush downstairs and gets ready down there so as not to wake everyone else in the house
Yes Dh does the same.
He always gives me a second kiss before we go to sleep when he has to be up extra early so he doesn't disturb me with my morning kiss.

I wonder if hes jealous of your time off OP

When im in this situation it is either creep around with lamps or take everything he needs out of the bedroom, get up and fuck off lol

First reply nails it 🤣

What on earth is he doing for 2 hours before getting dressed??

Why can’t he shower the night before and then take his clothes downstairs and get ready down there? Occasionally I get early flights so have to get up at 3am and leave at 4.30am. I ALWAYS shower the night before, lay my clothes out the night before downstairs so I just throw them on quickly and go without waking anyone.

He should be getting everything out the night before and not need to get anything, except himself, from a room where there’s a sleeping person. His alarm should also be a smart watch attached to him and not make a sound to disturb another sleeper.

im assuming he goes to bed earlier than you since he gets up so early so if he doesn’t find this ok then I’d say you’re allowed to turn the light on when you’re getting ready for bed and stomp around too.

Yep as always first response has it right!
OP ask yourself why is your bar so low. You must know that this behaviour of his is complete unreasonable. He is an inconsiderate prick and he is likely to be selfish in other ways.

Why on earth is he getting up at 3 am? Training for a marathon or an early daily work call to Australia?

How do relationships descend into this kind of shittery?

He’s a selfish prick.

@Eightiesprincess what @MinnieBalloon said! Prep stuff before bed. Don’t disturb other person - complete lack of care, consideration and respect for you. I put my clothes in another room and dress there. And what is this ridiculous going downstairs for 2 hours then coming back up all about? Just not on at all. He’s a twat.

When I'm up before DH, I look my clothes out the night before and get dressed elsewhere in the morning so as not to wake him. Your man is just selfish. I'd be fuming. Mine does the alarm thing "bonus sleep" he calls it and it also drives me mad.