It's too late, right?

[TrackDay]

I'm 40. DH is 52. Happily married for 15 years, childfree.

Hormones have hit me like a freight train - I want a baby.

It's way, way too late, right? It's just hormones. It'll pass?

I don’t think it’s mad to want a baby. One for sure! I think 3 might be a bit ambitious

Third is great because you gift birth to a baby but are a parent to a toddler, child, tween, teenager, young adult, the works.

If DH is on board then book an appointment with your GP and ask for advice and tests. You could be experiencing a surge in oestrogen as you hit perimenopause, which could be your body's last gasp, saying it needs to be pregnant now.

But if you both want a child, then do what you can as soon as you can.

Best of luck with it.

Mothers who had their children young will say you’re too old, those who had them older will say you aren’t. The 40 year olds with 15 years old can’t fathom doing it again because they’ve nearly got adults now and are envisaging their adult only holidays etc. The older mums have enjoyed child free 20s and 30s and are ready to start a new journey.
I’m in the 2nd camp. Had a blast in my 20s and 30s without kids and settled in my mid/ late 30s only because I met DH. Now 40 with a 10 month old and pregnant. I couldn’t be happier. No regrets. My baby is pure joy. Having kids now has been like starting a new life.

They really do: https://www.tommys.org/pregnancy-information/blogs-and-stories/im-pregnant/pregnancy-news-and-blogs/number-women-getting-pregnant-their-40s-rise

People are saying it because it’s true.

Well, they do amongst my acquaintances.

That being said now I wouldn’t be able to do this myself I’m 29 and I’ve got one child who is 3. I’ve given myself 2 more years to have another and then I think for my older self I wouldn’t but I’ve got one! I wouldn’t say I’d not have one in your situation cause I think I would do so.

If you both want it then go for it. Plenty of healthy babies are born to older parents.

It’s entirely personal to you and your circumstances. For me personally, it would be too late, but other people with perfectly valid reasons and in their own circumstances would say it’s not. I think it’s just up to you and your partner to decide what is right for you.

It’s not too late until your ovaries shut up shop.

You won’t know whether it’s too late unless you have testing for ovarian reserve, hormone levels etc.

Socially, it’s completely normal now to have babies in your early 40’s. Slightly more unusual for dads in their early 50’s but certainly not rare.

I had my first at 39 and my second at 42, with two miscarriages in between. I had a friend who was trying to conceive at the same time, and it ended in a miscarriage, and a following unsuccessful attempt at ivf. I appreciate I was very lucky to get my family, but there were a lot of tears along the way. It's a hard journey.

When did you go through menopause?

That's ridiculous. My DH was 53 when I got pregnant with mine at 36. Happy healthy toddler now

Why is it ridiculous, I don't know anyone who has had a baby at 53, your situation is far more abnormal than my opinion. It's not the health of the child that is in question, predominantly, with old fathers. I would be interested to see how you're getting on in 15 years with a teenager and a husband pushing 70. Hardly an ideal situation?

Its not too late if you both want it! Put the Internet down and get thee to the bedroom.

I had my dc over 40, naturally conceived. If you are still having periods, you can have a baby.

Go for it, I had my second a few days before I was 41, my mum had me at 39.

I don't think it's too late if that's what you both want. As a teacher I meet plenty of parents in your age group. I did mine the other way around, I had mine young and for every problem people see with being an "older" parent, trust me, I just experienced in a different way at the other end of the scale.

I suppose that's true. I can't imagine having a newborn at 52 because I am exhausted by raising my kids. But maybe OPs DH isnt!

We moved around and travelled a lot btw. In fact, I had one of my DC overseas far from family. In retrospect that was still a good decision.

I don't think either you or your DH is too old. DH and I have a similar age gap and I had my youngest DC (now in their 20s) at 42. I wasn't ready to even consider having DCs until I was in my 30s.

It might be too late but it might not. Until you try you won’t know.
I started trying at 39. It never happened for me. I’m almost 44 now do have stopped trying. Had 3 miscarriages along the way and 3 rounds of IVF.
i would say chances are in your favour, but it’s certainly not guaranteed.

The link to older parents and autism has not been proven given that autistic people often marry later and thus reproduce later.

My sister is autistic and my mum was 26 when she had her. Just fyi.

What are your none hormone reasons for wanting a child?

Yep, this. It's a total lifestyle change. Will totally throw a spanner in the works of your current lifestyle. I was an older mum and really had no clue what was about to happen. There was all that trying to socialise at baby classes and then at the school gate with women way younger than me and with nothing in common except talking about baby weight etc...

Yes. If you were both 40, I would say no. But your husband is too old. The chance of any child you had having a disability is relatively high, and I doubt that your husband wants a baby at 52 years of age.

I think it depends on what the man is like in himself. My DH is very fit and active at 55 whereas some 55yo men are like old men already iyswim. There's many 70yo men out there who aren't doddery pensioners

I think all the posts about age are over simplifying and scare mongering. Of course the risks of genetic abnormalities / health conditions etc increase with parental age, but it’s still possible to have a healthy baby. My main point though is the posters stating the OP’s husband will be too old. There are so many other variables which affect parenting and being a good parent; the relationship between parents, financial stability, emotional stability, personal growth and insight. Many of these factors can improve with age. Sometimes it is age and life experience that makes you a better parent. You may have more energy in your twenties but perhaps be less financially secure, the relationship not as stable, etc.

I know lots of people whose parents were in their 40s when they were born. My DH’s dad was 53 when DH was born. He stayed fit and healthy for many years and got to spend so much time with DH in his retirement. My DH was aware of his age but he wouldn’t have changed his dad. He sadly died last year but the years he had with my DH were wonderful. There is so much uncertainty in life and things we can’t control; you can be a young parent but still become very ill. When I said there is value in considering pros and cons, each factor will also be weighted differently - so the importance varies. So there may be more cons (or pros!) but the pros although more limited are actually weighted more, as those things are more important. For example when I did this with my DH we both considered lack of sleep a con, but watching someone grow and learn outweighed that. For you this may be very different but it’s a helpful way of considering an issue.

You could also consider ways of being around children but not being biological parents e.g are there any children in your family you could be more involved with? Could you foster? What is it that you think you are both wanting that children could give you?

Best of luck OP!