It's too late, right?

[TrackDay]

I'm 40. DH is 52. Happily married for 15 years, childfree.

Hormones have hit me like a freight train - I want a baby.

It's way, way too late, right? It's just hormones. It'll pass?

It's not too late to have a baby if that's what you both want. But please consider that it could be a year or two before one arrives by which time you will be approaching 45 and 55 respectively. So you will be 60 and 70 when they are 15/16, which can be very trying - and costly, just at a stage when your income could be decreasing.

Honestly, it's no-one's decision other than yours, but think beyond "baby".

You could consider fostering?

Indeed.

I defo wouldn't want to be dealing with a newborn at the age of 52/53. I certainly wouldn't want to have to work longer to fund university etc either.

Not too late..I'm pregnant at 42

I had my last child just before I turned 40 and my DH was 50 go for it. I am knackered though.

It's probably not too late but you will have to decide soon.
I know several people who have had children at 40+

Conceived naturally at 42. First baby, no problems at all. Go for it x

Will the child want a 70+ year old dad when they're 17?

How do you know they don’t I know a fair few that have done and so may this poster.

hou don’t know the worlds population and their ages so how can you say that maybe YOU need to stop saying that because you have no real evidence to back up your claim. My mum had one at 37 and my friends mum had one at 40. I’ve known so many others in passing that have children late. It happens. You just don’t agree.

Only you and your partner can really decide.

Yes, you wouldn't just be having a baby, you would be having a toddler and teenager etc
Your life would completely implode - hopefully to be replaced with a better one but be aware that everything would change.

It’s hormones. Very real ‘pull’ though. I think it’s too late myself, and defo too late for your DH, it’s just not fair on the child (just imo).

I got pregnant at 40 after 3 attempts... definitely not too late to try but it will be soon so don't wait, each month is a chance gone. The ovulation sticks are your friend if you go for it.

40s are pretty normal now in my groups of friends for a first child. I’m one of them. Personally if I was 52 I probably wouldn’t want to have a first child, but it’s because I have one so wouldn’t want a 10yr age gap to go through it all again after that period of time.

Not too late if that's what you both want! I was 37 when I had my first, very straightforward easy pregnancy and lovely healthy baby! I'll also be 39 when our second is born in July next year. Physically I feel better than I have in my whole life, all my friends had their children in their late 30s/early 40s as well

16 year old DS calls DH "old Man"
I think we are older than all of DS's friends parents and had him when we were 37. We are fine but I wish we had been a few years younger (DD is 20 now).

My aunt was 42 and 45 when she had her daughters
The eldest is 17 in Jan :)

I am 52 now and pretty fit and healthy. Still would not be able to cope with a newborn.
You havent exactly said if your DH actively wants a baby?

What does your DH want? Would you still want a baby if it has additional needs?

@TrackDay I think you need to spend some time with your DH going through all the pros and cons. It has to be something you both really want. Really reflect on what it is that’s changed for you to feel differently, as it may not just be hormones.

Basically this.

It might or might not be too late physically.
If you did have a baby, it might or might not turn out to have additional needs.

Your DH would need to be parenting until he was 72, you until 60. It would likely be pretty hard for you both, and a giant change from what you're used to.

The current craving very likely is "just" hormones.

After being happily childfree all my life, around 36-38 I desperately wanted one. I stuck to the "it's just hormones" line, and within 2 years all the urges dried up and left as fast as they'd arrived. So yes, while you might feel like it now, you may also find it is transient.

Probably also worth doing some research on the types and risk of birth injuries.... It is sadly not uncommon, and I think it's worth being fully informed, on the possible pros and the possible cons...

He's definitely on board! It's not that we ever decided to not have kids, we were just busy doing other things - two years ago we moved to our 'dream' home after lots of travelling/moving and are finally settled.

It never felt like anything was missing before, but it suddenly feels very different!

I should say, I'm definitely considering not just the baby bit but all of it - toddler to teen/adult, everything in between.

Although lots of women do have babies in their 40’s I do think the risks get minimised, higher chance of disability and SEN, higher rates of miscarriage and still birth, more risk to the mother ect. All things to be seriously considered although obviously lots of women have easy pregnancy and healthy babies at this age the risks are higher. For me you are not necessarily too late as long as the decision is an informed one but 52 is too late and I would have a baby with a partner in his 50s.

I had my last baby at 42