It's too late, right?

[TrackDay]

I'm 40. DH is 52. Happily married for 15 years, childfree.

Hormones have hit me like a freight train - I want a baby.

It's way, way too late, right? It's just hormones. It'll pass?

Not too late!!! I was 42 when we had our daughter. Homebirth, no drugs, no gas and air, just breathed her out!! No extended family to help, only husband and me. Exhausting, but Best thing I ever did!!! She’s now 19, in second year university, such a lovely young woman.
Do it! 😊

@CraZypinkpants you need to name change if you want to lie. But I'm guessing you got my point.

That's the beauty of social media isn't it? 🙄 It allows you to keep in touch. o You hear about friends of friends. We were a very close year group.

Not everyone is the same as you. I'm not sure if you wanted to contribute to the discussion or simply pick at my post?

Lie?

Definitely not too late. I had my two at 41 and 45. We are all happy and healthy, best thing I ever did. My DH is the same age as me though, I might have thought about it differently if he was a decade or so older...

Had baby at nearly 44. Turned my world upside down. He's now 23 & fabulous!

But 36 is young to have a 3rd baby. You'll only be 40/41 when they start school. This not at all the same situation as OP.

As for lots of parents at your kids schools being 50+. Well, that could mean anything. We were 50 when our youngest was still in the last couple of years of secondary school. If you're talking about primary school then in my experience it's not usually sensible to take a look round the playground and assume that lots of the parents are over 50. You can't know who they all are, you can't know all their ages, only what age they all APPEAR to be, and unless you know the relationship between every single adult and child, then plenty of the adults could be grandparents, childminders, aunties, family friends.

I was going to say this. It's more than likely that some life experiences are already too late. It's likely that OP's DH will never be a grandparent. Or if he is, he will not be be able to be very hands on at all, and in fact, would add to the burden of the adult child because they'd be worrying about their ageing parent as well as their own young child. That's quite the burden to give another human being.

Totally normal for uni friends to have parents in their 50s, you know!

31 and 35 IS young to have a baby! You didn't "have them older".

No it is not, it’s a perfectly average age! I agree it’s not ‘older’ but it’s absolutely not young to have a baby, especially 35!

It isn’t young. Having them in your early 20s is young. Early 30s, while not old by current trends, definitely isn’t young.

30.9 is the average age.

So 31 and 35 are older than average, not young.

Ok, if you want to bring it down to a month older than the average. 😆

It’s not too late at all Op if it’s what you want

So you even no that it’s not young then

I had a baby at forty. It’s defo not too late if that’s what you want!
it was my third child and the best pregnancy and easiest birth out of the three. Don’t let people scare you into saying it’s too late, it’s really not.

Of course you’re not too old. I had me youngest at 40 and never felt too old to cope or have fun with him. I did get gestational diabetes, probably because of my age but it went away straight after he was born and never came back. For me it was no big deal.
But…. I had a long wait between two and three. In the end I got it checked out and one of my tubes was blocked. A tiny operation and I got pregnant easy, youngest, at 40, first try.
So if you decide to go for it (and I hope you do) I’d get you and DH checked out straight away which will ensure something physical won’t interfere with conception. It’s worth the money if you’ve got it. They can also do some genetic tests which seems to be what you’re both most worried about.
Happy TTC.

Hi, speaking as a child of ‘older parents’ due to fertility issues my parents were ‘40’ so not dissimilar to yourself although not your husband. My parents always had a lot more time for me than my peers, we had a real tight nit family bond and it was amazing. Of course, health issues were a problem as they aged further (my mums was negligence by the NHS so could of been avoided) and I lost them sooner than I would have liked, although I was a grown up and they were grandparents. They were the most amazing grandparents too and age never held them back with anything, I wouldn’t have changed a thing.

My friend also lost her parents young for the same reason, however she is so sad that she is now alone now that they have died of old age

She also resents her sister for putting her aged parents through so much crap and stress in their grandparent role too. The last thing they wanted to do in their 70s and 80s was school runs and looking after fighting, puking, rude boys, but they felt guilty so they did it until they were literally admitted to hospital.

Had my first at 40, second at 42. BUT… coming up to 50 now, and I would not want to start this journey now….

It's not definitely "too late" (but it could be, some women get pregnant easily in their 40s, some can't do it at all) but if you both really want to, you might want to get a move on.
It is late, though, even if not too late. My Dad was 55 when my oldest son was born, his first grandson, and now DS1 is 19 and at university. It would be roughly the same age as your DH when any baby is that sort of age, how do you both feel about a 20 yr old child when he's 75?

I had my daughter at 41. BUT her father is ten years younger than me. If you go through with this, will you both have the energy and the teenage years can be brutal.

I think that the thing to say here is that as you're both older and have good jobs you will be able to pay for extra help if you need it. Some people on here may say that this is not good enough, but for example a good camp (sports or whatever) over the holidays is enjoyable for them and takes the weight off you. Good afterschool care helps too. Also, in my experience, older parents often have more patience and this helps.
I'm in my 70's now and personally I had my last child in my early 30's but know many of my own generation who had their first child in their mid 30's or later, some had their last child well into their 40's. Often they only had one much loved child and all their love, nurturing and affection has been lavished on that child, who has moved into a happy, balanced and successful later life.
As has been mentioned, people appear to be less bothered by the age gap if it is male older than female, but sadly if your DH is older this inevitably means that he may die earlier than you, before your DC have fully embraced adulthood - for example GC may not be a possibility for him. One friend's DH was almost 20 years older than her and lived until his children had left university. Yes, everyone was obviously very sad but for them they had always known that it was a fact of life.