It's too late, right?

[TrackDay]

I'm 40. DH is 52. Happily married for 15 years, childfree.

Hormones have hit me like a freight train - I want a baby.

It's way, way too late, right? It's just hormones. It'll pass?

No it is not too late! Far from it!

Thanks very much for the replies & thoughts.

Logically of course the cons and risks outweigh the pros, so maybe I'll just have to learn to live with the possibility of always regretting not having had children.

It really is just your hormones.

Not definitely too late for DH. Lots of men became dads in their 50s it’s more common than you’d think.

Nonsense.

lots of perfectly healthy babies born at this age

mine are wonderful and I’m 40 and dad 53

@TrackDay 40 is a relatively advanced age to get to to have actively not had children, you say you just haven't gotten around to it, but I think it's worth asking yourself why that is? You must have thought about it in your 20s and 30s, you have clearly taken precautions to avoid pregnancy, we all know there is a ticking clock, so I would reflect on what drove that decision, and what has changed now, to try and pull it apart from the hormonal aspect.

How long have you been with your DH? If not for a long time that would make a change in mind more understandable than a longstanding relationship perhaps.

It's not nonsense. And yes, lots are. But also lots aren't. So it would be naive to assume that the baby has the same chance of not having additional needs compared to one born to younger parents.

And if you are currently 40 and you already have kids, then you obviously got pregnant several years before the OP would.

I’m 60 with 11 year old.
definitely not too late and I would absolutely say do it

I’m 60 with 11 year old. definitely not too late and I would absolutely say do it

Wow. My mum is 60 and has older grandchildren than 11!

It's too old for me. And 52 is definitely definitely far too old for me.
(Childless not by choice but decided to stop doing IVF as I'd rather regret not having children than intentionally create one with parents I feel would be too old)

I think your DH is too old. I had two friends who had Dads in their early 70s when we were in 6th form and sadly both of them died while their children were still at school.

My friend has a 7 year old child and her 63 year old husband just had a stroke.

And obviously even without any of these things happening, a 70 year old is not the ideal parent age for a teenager.

How long have you actually thought like this?

If it’s been a couple of years in the back of your mind, then I would definitely consider it.

But if it’s literally been the past few weeks, then I would assume you’re just panicking because your biological clock is ticking, but that doesn’t mean you actually want them.

When did you turn 40?

Approaching 40 or hitting 40 (used to be 30), can often make women panic.

Do you think this has anything to do with it?

My friend is almost 41 and told me today that she's pregnant. Good luck to you!

I have a baby so no

My mum had me at 22, my sister at 34 and my younger sister at 40. She said she definitely had more energy to run around with me and play, however in her 40’s she had much more patience and time to spend with the girls. If you both want a baby then why not!! People on this thread are thinking about ‘what about in 20 years’ blah blah blah when realistically anything could happen to any of us at any moment? But we still have kids anyway!

It’s not too late. You haven’t expired.
if you still have eggs and someone can share some sperm - you’ve got a good chance as anyone.

dont let fear hold you back. Are you financially ok? In that you could afford childcare and to reduce working hours if wanted. That’s more important so you have choices and can get support you don’t have locally.

life isn’t guaranteed. No one knows how long we’ll all live for and being older parents can mean you’re more emotionally intelligent/financially stable as you’ve been around a bit. That’s good for giving children security.

Giving birth at 37 is completely normal and average. Your friend's mum having one at 40 meant she could well have conceived at 39. A year makes a lot of difference around that age.

I know of 2 women who chose to be child free and by the time they felt they wanted one (one was only mid 30s) they discovered they had fertility issues. Any fertility treatment to try to get pregnant at that age was going to be gruelling and unlikely to work and they were told that they would have had more of a chance for it to work, or for multiple tries, if they'd started 5 years earlier.

If OP wants to try she needs to try ASAP, in earnest. Not just take a "let's see if it just happens" approach.

I agree.

And I’m actually nearly 41! And a toddler!

My mum had her last at 43. If you want a baby, go for it. I definitely don’t think it’s too old!! I plan on maybe having another around then if I do want another. Best of luck xxx

I had my first at 39, DH was 51 and my second at 42, DH was 54. Easy pregnancies, easy everything.

They are now 23 (with a degree and a job) and 20 (still at uni).

I say go for it.

That's ridiculous. My DH was 53 when I got pregnant with mine at 36. Happy healthy toddler now

I'd have a baby at 40

I wouldn't have a baby at 40 with a 52 year old that's the difference

You've spent 15 years that you could have spent having children and raising a family on other things more material things which presumably at the time you happily valued higher