It's too late, right?

[TrackDay]

I'm 40. DH is 52. Happily married for 15 years, childfree.

Hormones have hit me like a freight train - I want a baby.

It's way, way too late, right? It's just hormones. It'll pass?

I had twins as a "first" at 42. Then another at nearly 46.
Natural conception, easy pregnancy. And with the two eldest now at 16 I am not "knackered raising teenagers" either which apparently I should be.
Ignore the doom merchants.

Previous generations had late babies quite commonly and it's getting more common again now.

Did she ask about pregnancy specifically? I've re-read posts and can't see that, but I very well may be looking with my eyes closed!

My Dad was a very fit and active man at 55, raving it up at a festival at 59, and dead of prostate cancer at 60.

Could have been hit by a bus at 40.

If your (male) partner is over 40 then you're three times more likely to miscarry than if they're under 40 due to sperm quality. The numbers likely worse for a man over 50...

In all honesty if you were both 40 id say go for it - but your DH is pretty old and it might lead to genetic problems or miscarriage. If you really want a baby tho you could still try! I think his age will be more of a problem for conceiving tho - at 40 you're probably still fertile

Well, precisely. So all these “well my DH is 60 and still running marathons and we have a toddler” posts are meaningless

Just go for it it @TrackDay!

Are you healthy? Fit? Both of those things will support conception and subsequent pregnancy. What have you got to lose?

duplicate post

My dad was 54 and my mum was 40 when they had me (i also have a younger brother!)

They have always been very “young for their age”

for me personally age is less important, its more do you think you have something to offer as a parent? Dont have a child out of fear of regret, but absolutely go for it if its something you both want.

i had my children younger and sometimes wish id got myself a bit more financially sound or settled in a dream home etc. something my parents did before me

OP, is it the time of year? All the social media photos, adverts, local news TV shows etc showing children visiting Father Christmas? Happy family Christmas mornings? Children singing carols in their nativities at school while proud parents look on? I mean, the concept of families with children is shoved down your throat at Christmas time. It must be a very sad time for those who have desperately wanted children but who remain without.

Not only that but it's the end of the year. A time for reflection on what you did with your life this year. Wondering what will have changed this time next year? Will things be much the same, or vastly different? It's a time for reflection and regrets, and thanks, or sorrow, for what the year did or didn't give you.

I do understand the yearning. And I do think Mother Nature does these last hurrah things for a reason, and of course that's to try and get "one last baby" out of you (even if contraception has blocked all the previous chances of them). Of course it will pass. But it IS there for that reason.

Ultimately, I dont' know what I'd do in your position. Despite knowing all the pros and cons and likelihood or not of things, both good and bad, happening. How can anyone know what the right decision is about big life decisions? It's all a leap of faith into the great unknown, isn't it?

It’s not too late… yet.
don’t leave it a minute longer and if it doesn’t work in 2-3 months, go for IVF.

I wanted a third at 40 and didn’t act, went to a fertility clinic at 45, and the doctor said, I wish you’d come to me at 41.

@TrackDay
I had mine at 36 and 38.5. My DH was almost 50 at last pregnancy (both IVF)
We had no parents as both sets deceased and we are both only children so absolutely no help around whatsoever. DH worked 70 hour weeks (went back to work the day after I came home with second DC after a c section)

All I can tell you is that you you cope, you just do! My DC came everywhere with me, doctors, dentist, hairdressers. Some of my friends couldn’t even go food shopping without dropping their DC’s off at mum’s.

Its honestly never bothered my DC that dad’s older. No one can know what the future holds.

What are you talking about? I know so many women who have had babies at 40+. Many had good pregnancies. Where have you got your information from?

I have two friends and a cousin who had their first babies in their early 40s, one only had one and the other two had two, though my cousin had two miscarriages between her girls. All healthy and happy. I had my 3rd at 37 and it is more tiring than when I was 25 and I had a terrible pregnancy with undiagnosed gestational diabetes and pre eclampsia which has led to him having a developmental delay and possible brain damage due to birth trauma. My other two are very bright easy boys so this was AA shock and could be put down in part to parental age. So that's two sides again I guess, sorry.

In all honesty I am not even sure why you are questioning this. If you weren't meant to have a baby at 40 you wouldn't be ovulating with the ability to reproduce. Your DH sounds very fit & healthy. I would go for it while still remembering people here are sharing thoughts from their own perspective if it was them in the situation.Nobody else can tell you what to do. All the best whatever you decide.

Your opinion is quite judgey though. How is it not fair on the child? Give me your life circumstances and I'll tell you why your choices aren't fair on your child.

I'm not so sure of that. You can get a NIPT blood test at 10 weeks now which screens for genetic and chromosomal abnormalities. Look it up. 10 weeks is very early.

If you look at the recent "oldest woman to naturally conceive" thread there's some good research linked that shows the average woman will be infertile by age 41.

Of course that's average - so lots will be infertile younger, lots will still be able to conceive after 41. So babies 40+ aren't super common - but they are possible if you're lucky and have above average fertility

It's good to read that pp know people with autism living independently.

My friend's child - mid thirties - will never be able to live independently, not able to work, even afraid to go to the supermarket on his own.

As a single mother she rightly is worried about him after she's gone.

ONS. I linked the data upthread.

I was 42 and dh 58 when we had ds3 (9 years after ds2). I’m glad he’s got to 18 with both his parents relatively fit and well. My ddad died at 52, when I was 21 and my sister 18, so I was always aware their is a risk. With dh being older, he was semi-retired and probably spent more quality time with ds3 than the others.

It sounds as if both you and your dh are very fit and have interesting hobbies to share with your dc. If you both want a child then I would go for it. It’s likely not too late.

I think that data also refers to births rather than fertility. While births can be an indicator of fertility, it doesn’t account for people choosing not to have kids later in life.

it's not too late, but you should think very carefully about it. hormones are weird, and it's not uncommon for people to experience baby fever when the eggs are running out. it's like the body makes a last ditch attempt.
so the urge may not be entirely rational.

but it's still possible, although, higher risk.
if it wasn't, they wouldn't have finally referred me to get my tubes tied at the age of 44.

Our DC3 has SN and was born when DH and I were aged 30 and 33. DC4 has no SN and we were 38 and 41.

Of course, the higher risk of geriatric pregnancy (that’s what it was called when I was 38!) should be considered but don’t be scared off just by that. You both sound fit (fit people age slower) and there’s no reason that can’t continue to be so over the next 20 odd years. Your financial circumstances probably mean you can buy in a lot of help and have less stressors than younger parents. Probably be around for them more as teens as well if you retire early.

I’d go for it OP. Good luck.

Only anecdotal of course but my DH was such a child if you like. His father was 60 when he was born, but in good health and lived to 96. DH did worry about how long he would have with him when he was early 20s in a way others didn't, but otherwise did not have a negative impact on him at all.