To hate that DGD has her ears pierced

[OhSoYouAreFancy]

DGD is 3, she was born and until this summer raised abroad, DD got her ears pierced when she was weeks old, this is common practice there.
I hate it though, I think it looks so cheap and trashy!! DGD clearly couldn't consent and DD spends ridiculous amounts (of our money as we support her right now) on solid gold earrings for her.
I feel like when people realise they judge and think it looks downmarket and cheap.

AIBU to hate it?

I hate it too! Also think why out small children through the pain of getting their ears pierced when they are so young.

I don't like pierced ears on kids that age, so I'm with you on that. But she's not your DD, and you don't get a vote so you kinda need to cop on and snap out of it before her parents realise your judgement.

Yanbu I hate it too. No piercings for my dd until ten minimum. She's nearly 3 now and I find the thought of it unthinkable

yeah agree with you. Looks tacky and is a chocking risk for small kids.
Why do you support her? Time for her to support herself if she has money for child earrings.

I don't particularly like piercings on young children, as you say - they can't consent, and it will cause them discomfort, and has no benefit. But using words like 'trashy', 'cheap' and 'downmarket' about your 3yo granddaughter is grim AF, so maybe you should look at yourself before judging others....

DD got her ears pierced when she was weeks old?

I judge you for this thread.
It's not your child so it's not important whether you think it's cheap or not.

DD thinks its fine and "part of her culture" but DD doesn't participate in any part of that culture anymore and it's not a culture where women are respected particularly well and DD knows that better than most. Feels odd that she is okay with that part but rejects everything else.

Ohhhh you mean your daughter got her daughter’s ears pierced at weeks old - it read like you were talking about a daughter in law who was a baby when she had hers done etc, right

Sorry I meant DGD, DD was 11 when she got hers done.

You can hate it. I hate it too. But you can't comment unless you're asked outright for your opinion. You're not her mum so you don't get to make those decisions.

Im curious as to how far this support goes that you say you are giving her? That's a whole different issue, if she's taking a piss with the money.

Not a parent but I hate seeing babies and small children with pierced ears. OK most people have them done but I think it should be when they're able to consent to it and manage the aftercare themselves.

I imagine it's painful for them, and think it's too easy to cause them further pain, injury or illness by pulling at them.

It's cultural. It's like (sorry, I'm preparing to be flamed) say, infant circumcision - some cultures think it's awful and some think it's normal.

I personally find any kind of tattoos or piercings, even on adults, a bit strange and akin to self-harm. But I respect that it's culturally normal in lots of cultures, as is circumcision. So I keep my thoughts to myself (IRL)

We are helping her rebuild as she recently got divorced and returned to the UK. It won't be forever but until she is back on her feet. We will be covering DGD school fees though and my parents have bought her a house so she is living the easy life!

Yes it looks awful but I think making a comment on how she has spent your money on this makes you sound overbearing and horrible. If you don't want to help your dd then don't but don't try to interfere because you help her!

I have to say, it is good that your granddaughter was given solid gold earrings as they're way less likely to irritate her ears than cheap crappy earrings. If her ears are going to be pierced, it's good that the chance for infection is as low as possible.

I know what you mean about consent and piercing a 3 year olds ears, but ultimately it's small and reversable so while your frustration is totally understandable, probably not worth being the hill you die on. Especially if it's a cultural thing - is your child's partner from that country? If so, might make the choice to follow the cultural traditions a bit more understandable.

In regard to judgement, your GC is probably fine. It's not like she's been given a tattoo in the middle of her face - earrings are discreet and many people have them, although admittedly it's more commonly adults.

@OhSoYouAreFancy Why are you supporting her?

If she needs money to live on, just send her less money - enough to cover for food and clothing.

I don't like pierced ears on babies either but feel like your bigger issue is you're not happy with what your DD is spending money on when you're supporting her presumably post break up from partner from the other culture. I think it's fine to say DGD only needs one pair of earrings and stop wasting money on that when you could be saving for a mortgage/ rental deposit/ whatever she needs to be independent financially

I totally get where you are coming from but the ears have been pierced for years now. There is no point getting wound up about it. Let it go.

I agree with you about consent and its not something I'd do to a child. But it's her mums decision and done now, so you have to learn to ignore it. A little girl of 3 can't look 'down market'. It's a tiny aspect of the thing about her that matters least - her appearance. Try not to let it be too big a deal.

It’s not something I would do personally but I try not to be too judgy about it because I do understand it’s often cultural. When your doctor is offering to do something and it seems like just ‘the done thing’, it must be much harder to question.

At least gold tends to be one of the better metals for not causing reactions.

so because you are helping her she should making parenting choices tat fit within your world view? I don't see how any of this is relevant to your granddaughters ear piercing, which is what you started the thread about...

If we give her less my parents just give her more, I'm keen for my parents to not give her more than they already have, we have the money it's more the principle of it being spent on something we don't agree with.

Well it isn't unreasonable to realise it's absolute idiocy to pierce holes in a baby to hang decorations on her, but your primary concern is that it looks trashy, which doesn't reflect well on you.

I hate it. Hurting small children unnecessarily is just plain cruel. It looks awful too.