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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To hate that DGD has her ears pierced

163 replies

OhSoYouAreFancy · 30/12/2024 20:07

DGD is 3, she was born and until this summer raised abroad, DD got her ears pierced when she was weeks old, this is common practice there.
I hate it though, I think it looks so cheap and trashy!! DGD clearly couldn't consent and DD spends ridiculous amounts (of our money as we support her right now) on solid gold earrings for her.
I feel like when people realise they judge and think it looks downmarket and cheap.

AIBU to hate it?

OP posts:
nadine90 · 30/12/2024 20:18

Has dgd started school yet? As many (especially primary schools) don't allow earrings as part of the uniform - so that may well solve the issue without you saying anything. I totally agree with you but nothing you can do about it now, I'm sure anything you say would be met with eyerolls and ignored.

LadyGaGasPokerFace · 30/12/2024 20:19

There’s nothing more funny than watching a Brit get all het up about a tradition abroad like getting a kid’s ears pierced. I grew up with this weird disapproval from Brit parents because my ears were pierced. My parents are Eastern European and mine were done at 6 weeks old.
You’re just gonna have to get over it. There’s bigger fish to fry in life.

Original poster
OhSoYouAreFancy · 30/12/2024 20:20

nadine90 · 30/12/2024 20:18

Has dgd started school yet? As many (especially primary schools) don't allow earrings as part of the uniform - so that may well solve the issue without you saying anything. I totally agree with you but nothing you can do about it now, I'm sure anything you say would be met with eyerolls and ignored.

She is in nursery at the school she will go to, all they ask if that they are removed or covered for games/PE/Swimming. Right now its just one day a week and DD just removes them in the morning and puts them back in when she gets home.

OP posts:
MadKittenWoman · 30/12/2024 20:21

LetsNCagain · 30/12/2024 20:12

It's cultural. It's like (sorry, I'm preparing to be flamed) say, infant circumcision - some cultures think it's awful and some think it's normal.

I personally find any kind of tattoos or piercings, even on adults, a bit strange and akin to self-harm. But I respect that it's culturally normal in lots of cultures, as is circumcision. So I keep my thoughts to myself (IRL)

FFS!

Labia, clitoritises and foreskins cannot grow back and affect physical and sexual function. If she doesn't want her earrings in when she's older, she can take them out and they will close up and leave a tiny, unnoticeable dot. Then she can get them repierced if she decides she wants them after all.

Not comparable at all. Shame on you.

GRCP · 30/12/2024 20:21

My in laws pressured us to get DD's ears pierced at 6 months. Awful. She's now 8 and can have them done when she wants, she just doesn't seem to want.

imagiantwitch · 30/12/2024 20:21

I used to agree, but now having caved in and let my dd8 have her ears pierced, the drama we go through weekly
taking them in and out for PE/gymnastics/dance makes me wish I’d got them pierced much younger so that the holes are re-closing every time she has the earrings out for a day, causing her pain to put them back in!!

LetsNCagain · 30/12/2024 20:23

SereneFish · 30/12/2024 20:16

Well it isn't unreasonable to realise it's absolute idiocy to pierce holes in a baby to hang decorations on her, but your primary concern is that it looks trashy, which doesn't reflect well on you.

I agree but I'd go further that it's idiocy to pierce holes in an adult woman to hang decorations off her... or paint her in chemicals to hide her face (make up)... so much of what we do is idiocy... anything sounds weird if you phrase it like that.

Anything seems normal when everyone does it. Most women in the uk wear make up, while very few men do, and so logically as a concept it is a bit bonkers. But because everyone does it, you're the bonkers one if you point it out or refuse to wear it. (I refuse to wear it, it feels gross and just doesn't make sense to me. But I am considered odd.)

Similarly, imagine living in a country where all/most baby girls have their ears pierced. You'd be the bonkers one to point out it's strange.

Ditto circumcision, tattoos, etc etc etc.

At the end of the day, humans are social animals and we fit into society by doing what everyone else is doing. That's what op's dd is doing

NoCarbsForMe · 30/12/2024 20:24

SereneFish · 30/12/2024 20:16

Well it isn't unreasonable to realise it's absolute idiocy to pierce holes in a baby to hang decorations on her, but your primary concern is that it looks trashy, which doesn't reflect well on you.

This

SereneFish · 30/12/2024 20:24

imagiantwitch · 30/12/2024 20:21

I used to agree, but now having caved in and let my dd8 have her ears pierced, the drama we go through weekly
taking them in and out for PE/gymnastics/dance makes me wish I’d got them pierced much younger so that the holes are re-closing every time she has the earrings out for a day, causing her pain to put them back in!!

Why would you wish you'd put her through pain when she was even younger rather than wishing you had said no?

AppleKatie · 30/12/2024 20:24

Whilst I agree to an extent and they aren’t to my taste.

On a cost basis, even if you are completely supporting your DD out of your own pocket how much is she spending on earrings?

If the child had them pierced 3/4 years ago and was presumably bought some pairs then, why are more being purchased now? she can only wear one pair at a time….

LetsNCagain · 30/12/2024 20:25

MadKittenWoman · 30/12/2024 20:21

FFS!

Labia, clitoritises and foreskins cannot grow back and affect physical and sexual function. If she doesn't want her earrings in when she's older, she can take them out and they will close up and leave a tiny, unnoticeable dot. Then she can get them repierced if she decides she wants them after all.

Not comparable at all. Shame on you.

Show quote history

Shame on me? I haven't circumcised anyone, I have no idea what you think I should be ashamed about. I'm saying some cultures do things as normal, and other cultures do other things.

BoredZelda · 30/12/2024 20:25

LadyGaGasPokerFace · 30/12/2024 20:19

There’s nothing more funny than watching a Brit get all het up about a tradition abroad like getting a kid’s ears pierced. I grew up with this weird disapproval from Brit parents because my ears were pierced. My parents are Eastern European and mine were done at 6 weeks old.
You’re just gonna have to get over it. There’s bigger fish to fry in life.

I agree. Posts like this just whip up froth. My rule is, my daughter could have piercings as long as I don't have to sign a form or take care of the piercing, as I'm squeamish about it. My sister took my daughter to have her ears done when she was 15.

If people want to pierce their babies ears, they should do it, if not then don't. I don't understand the snobbery about it.

SereneFish · 30/12/2024 20:26

LetsNCagain · 30/12/2024 20:23

I agree but I'd go further that it's idiocy to pierce holes in an adult woman to hang decorations off her... or paint her in chemicals to hide her face (make up)... so much of what we do is idiocy... anything sounds weird if you phrase it like that.

Anything seems normal when everyone does it. Most women in the uk wear make up, while very few men do, and so logically as a concept it is a bit bonkers. But because everyone does it, you're the bonkers one if you point it out or refuse to wear it. (I refuse to wear it, it feels gross and just doesn't make sense to me. But I am considered odd.)

Similarly, imagine living in a country where all/most baby girls have their ears pierced. You'd be the bonkers one to point out it's strange.

Ditto circumcision, tattoos, etc etc etc.

At the end of the day, humans are social animals and we fit into society by doing what everyone else is doing. That's what op's dd is doing

Show quote history

I think your post shows how much all of this "fitting in" is mostly in the heads of those who are very anxious to conform. I don't wear makeup and have never had it commented on, let alone been treated as odd for it. It's hardly rare among women.

LetsNCagain · 30/12/2024 20:29

SereneFish · 30/12/2024 20:26

I think your post shows how much all of this "fitting in" is mostly in the heads of those who are very anxious to conform. I don't wear makeup and have never had it commented on, let alone been treated as odd for it. It's hardly rare among women.

Show quote history

Well I've had it commented on loads, including on my wedding day. I'm amazed you haven't had it commented on.

But in any case, we are social animals, that was my point. There's loads of stuff we do that doesn't have a logical reason except "it's social convention"

Original poster
OhSoYouAreFancy · 30/12/2024 20:29

I imagine as she gets older she will be singled out for it rather than fitting in, no other parents at the school would be so stupid/shallow/cheap.

OP posts:
macap · 30/12/2024 20:30

OhSoYouAreFancy · 30/12/2024 20:29

I imagine as she gets older she will be singled out for it rather than fitting in, no other parents at the school would be so stupid/shallow/cheap.

I think you're wrong there. Lots of girls have their ears pierced at school. And our area is quite affluent so not "cheap" by any means.

I personally wouldn't do it but not a lot you can do really is there?

I wouldn't waste any more head space on this.

Silvertulips · 30/12/2024 20:30

It’s hardly worth worrying about.

Girls get their ears pierced many before high school - so what difference does it make?

Like PP said the holes don’t close and the adult can clean them and look after them. less chance of infection.

Mine asked at 4 and had them done then - they wanted to - some others had theirs done at the same time.

I think you are more worried by what others think, most people don’t even notice.

Diomi · 30/12/2024 20:31

It is standard practice in so many countries. So much so that I don’t think it is worth getting unhappy about.

Raindropskeepfallinonmyhead · 30/12/2024 20:31

I would hate this too op

QueenOfThorns · 30/12/2024 20:31

OhSoYouAreFancy · 30/12/2024 20:29

I imagine as she gets older she will be singled out for it rather than fitting in, no other parents at the school would be so stupid/shallow/cheap.

Shock I would say that, if your DGD is going to a private school, there are likely to be parents/children from multiple other cultures there, many of whom won’t bat an eyelid at the idea of pierced ears.
pizzaHeart · 30/12/2024 20:32

Is this a tradition on Dad’s side? If so have you considered that DD has done it to conform to his family traditions? Or she might just like it?
I don’t personally but people have different views.

SereneFish · 30/12/2024 20:32

LetsNCagain · 30/12/2024 20:29

Well I've had it commented on loads, including on my wedding day. I'm amazed you haven't had it commented on.

But in any case, we are social animals, that was my point. There's loads of stuff we do that doesn't have a logical reason except "it's social convention"

Show quote history

How odd.

I feel really sorry for anybody who feels compelled to wear makeup, get a tattoo, pierce holes in a baby or cut off its foreskin, or do anything else completely unnecessary to fit in with some aesthetic they've decided is necessary to take part in society. If they had the confidence to be their own person they would find society won't ostracise them as they fear.

Jolietta · 30/12/2024 20:33

I think it's awful too.

Silvertulips · 30/12/2024 20:33

no other parents at the school would be so stupid/shallow/cheap

Wow, judging 4 year olds? As cheap and nasty? Are you referring to their morals? Shallow? Get a grip.

GetyourheadoutoftheovenIris · 30/12/2024 20:33

Ultimately it’s not up to you. I don’t like the look of it but if dd got dgd ears pierced I wouldn’t be able to disagree (too late once it’s done anyway).

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