To hate that DGD has her ears pierced

[OhSoYouAreFancy]

DGD is 3, she was born and until this summer raised abroad, DD got her ears pierced when she was weeks old, this is common practice there.
I hate it though, I think it looks so cheap and trashy!! DGD clearly couldn't consent and DD spends ridiculous amounts (of our money as we support her right now) on solid gold earrings for her.
I feel like when people realise they judge and think it looks downmarket and cheap.

AIBU to hate it?

Everyone in every culture accepts and performs some parts and not others.

OP - you are entitled to your opinion but since you weren’t asked I suggest you keep it to yourself. Her ears are already pierced so not much you can do anyway.

As an aside, it sounds like you don’t like your DGC Mother very much and seem resentful of the help she is getting. It also sounds like you want to offer help but with strings attached, and that you look down on and are quite derisive of her and her culture. Instead of fixating on whether your DGD will be thought of as chavvy/trashy/cheap (which by the way, WOW!!) perhaps work on why you have such a strange and combative attitude towards your DGD Mother.

Not tacky in my view.

My Spanish friend who lives in England, didn't have her DDs ears pierced as a baby. Her DM was very upset. She complained that "everyone will think she is a boy!" But why is it so important to be able to identify which babies are boys and which are girls? Is this the main reason people have baby girls pierced?

Why is it so important for a baby /toddler to not look downmarket/cheap/tacky/trashy?

I would worry about the long term low level psychological effects of exposing a child to the cut throat British class system and “what will everyone think if you x/y/z” more than the piercing or lack thereof itself.

Sorry to hear about your abandonment, thats really awful.

The thing is I'm not going to feel guilty or bad about judging negatively a cultural tradition I don’t personally like because every culture has things other people raise their eyebrows at.

Supporting someone doesn't mean you get to make all their decisions. I think you need to try to distance yourself a bit from this.

We were in an affluent part of Southern Spain recently and I noticed many, many more baby girls and toddlers had pierced ears than you’d see here. Children there were notably much better turned out than where I live in the UK, and they were also polite, engaged, well-behaved and self-possessed. Some of the earring-wearers were part of very ‘middle class’ families, you know the sort of casually chic mums who make me regret all my life choices😂. So I think perhaps the perception of infant piercing looking ‘down-market’ is a cultural one. I can’t imagine causing injury and infection risk to a baby for appearance sake, and I don’t like the fact it’s yet another burden around looks that is being foisted on little girls, but I can only assume it’s just what is ‘done’ in some places in the same way it’s not ‘done’ here. I think I’d just be glad at least she wasn’t wearing cheap infecting crap.

I voted YABU, not because I agree with piercings in little ones, but because she is your DGD. Not your DD.

I think you'll find there are many adults that wouldn't think about a small child in those terms at all.

Let it go, OP. What’s the point?

Not your business. It’s very normal in other cultures. Some babies are in nurseries all day at a young age. That’s not for everyone either.

I think it’s awful. Children should be able to choose something like that, not have it forced upon them.

Tbf , it is reversible. DD wanted earrings at 8, got them done , all well and good. When she started secondary she didn't want them any more (couldn't be bothered with the faff), took them out and now, unless you're looking for it you wouldn't even know.

@BunnyLake it depends why you're judging it tbh. A lot of the outrage from OP and a lot of other posters seem to be based on class and perception.

Exactly. There are good reasons for steering clear of ear piercing in young children. Suggesting it makes them seem 'downmarket' is not one of them.

Where did I mention anything about babys looking trashy? I am not the op.

Yep, I kicked of in Claire's accessories when they were trying to pin a screaming 2 year old down to pierce her ears. Barbaric , selfish, stupid and technically assault all in the name of vanity, culture etc.

You may give your daughter a lot of money but it sounds like she certainly pays for it.
It is fine to dislike piercing children’s ears but the judgement and words you use about your 3 year old grandchild are disturbing.

@QuintessentialDragon bizarre take on it! In British culture that is how it is deemed. But ironic you then slate the British and insult them in your post, whilst saying people are insulting European cultures (which the OP wasn't)

Have you tried plastic / silicon studs? You have to look really closely to see them. I've used silicon nose studs when I have been working places that don't approve of my piercing.

They are soft so can be worn for sports.

Seems British people have strong views on this but different cultures do things differently…

Not all British people.

Look at the tattoo trend now - a lot of professional wouldn’t have jobs if they had tattoos when I was young and now they are on all sorts of people and difficult to cover or remove.

At least earrings are small simple and understated - and removable.

It's awful.
It's saying, 'we want you to look prettier' when they're of an age where they don't know or care. Brutal.
Different when they're old enough to express a desire to have it done.

On the surface, not your kid, not your problem

Really though, this is a post to allow the OP to let out all the resentment and hostility she seems to have towards her DD, all wrapped up in a topic that she knew was bound to end up making her feel justified 🙄