To hate that DGD has her ears pierced

[OhSoYouAreFancy]

DGD is 3, she was born and until this summer raised abroad, DD got her ears pierced when she was weeks old, this is common practice there.
I hate it though, I think it looks so cheap and trashy!! DGD clearly couldn't consent and DD spends ridiculous amounts (of our money as we support her right now) on solid gold earrings for her.
I feel like when people realise they judge and think it looks downmarket and cheap.

AIBU to hate it?

Ugh! YANBU
I judge harshly on this.
Poor lamb.
I've never witnessed this being done, but I'm guessing it hurts a baby 😡

It's a weird thing to feel so passionate about. Of all the things to be upset with your dd about, surely this is not worth it?

Either you want to support her or you don't. Your support seems like it comes with a big helping of judgement and strings.

I did it for my daughter because it's like that in my culture, and I am certain my mother-in-law hates that because she is British. She did, however, not breathe a word of it to me.

Gold and surgical steel are the only options because the other materials are bad for the kid. So that part, at least, is sensible instead of tacky.

By the way the other mums in my daughter's class hated it but the other girls loved my daughter's earrings ><. Now we live in my country again and the first thing my DD said when she came home from school was "everyone has earrings here!!".

This lead to an epic battle between DD's American grandmother (every granddaughter of mine has earrings) and her Scottish one (earrings on children are the devil's work). Lots of luck OP!

Bizarre culturally imperialistic and classist views OP. Anyway, it’s done now, simple 18k gold studs are the way forward.

I am Indian and don’t see anything tacky about earrings on little kids (so long as they don’t pose a threat, no dangly earrings or things they could take off and choke on).

Seems British people have strong views on this but different cultures do things differently…

I 100% agree with you. Always looks tacky to me. But sadly, they're her parents and you don't have much say.

This is simply a cultural difference. I'm not sure where your DIL is from, OP, but in South America it's usual, perhaps also in India. I think also parts of Africa. The baby is given solid gold earrings, 18 or 22 ct gold, and that's also cultural. In some cultures babies are given more gold, like cute little bangles. It's a welcome and shows how valued they are. The piercing might also be so they don't remember any pain from having their ears done, I don't know.

The only reason that some British people (mainly white) see this as trashy is because of OUR culture. There's nothing inherently trashy about babies having small gold studs. We have to realise that ours is a culture where people don't go for a lot of personal decoration. We tend to wear dark clothes, we often don't wear makeup, and our jewellery is usually very small. That's our culture. I think it must be a holdover from Puritan or Victorian times. Also, we're a grey, cold country, which doesn't exactly make you want to break out the yellow skirts, bright-pink tops, and large shimmery hoop earrings.

It's not wrong just because it's not the white, British way. Without any cultural influences, you might think the babies look cute in their little gold studs.

Wow op, you've just called your daughter "stupid/shallow/cheap"? Just for getting her own daughters ears pierced? Get a grip. It's fine.

YANBU I wouldn’t like it too

I had my ears pierced when I was a baby. I don't remember it.... I am quite grateful that my parents had them done at an time
when I wouldn't remember it being done and could manage the care of them healing for me ....I had a second set done of my own accord at 16 and the after care was annoying.... and I love having and wearing earrings.
Your daughter needs your support right now and it's wonderful you can be there for her and your DGD. Don't sweat the small stuff.... no one at school is going to single her out as trashy because her parents have chosen to pierce her ears.

I don't like it at all as
A) it hurts the baby. Just because they don't remember doesn't make it ok.
b) if send a message to the baby that looking pretty is more important than staying comfortable and pain free - what a wrong foot to start off life on, they'll get enough of those messages later.
C) baby can't consent - what if they didn't want it later and have holes in their ears forever.

However, op it's done now. Fretting about it won't change anything. If you feel embarrassed your gd will be ostracized for being a chav in a school of posh girls you'll have to just get over that.

Agreed! I too had mine done at a few weeks old as it's the norm in Spain. In fact years ago they used to pierce their ears in hospital a few days after being born. Ridiculous comments saying they can't consent 🙄 the world has gone mad.

I make small talk about the weather but I don’t watch Wimbledon. We all pick and choose bits of the cultures around us, ‘culture’ isn’t a monolith.

I don't think piercing babies' ears is assault. By that logic, so are vaccinations. So is being forced down a very tight birth canal when you could come out by c-section. Ear piercings are tiny and reversible and the baby won't remember any pain like they would if done when older.

I had lobe piercings done at 49 and they took forever to heal, as did my mother's when she had them done in her forties. Babies heal very quickly because they're so young. They can always take the earrings our when older if they want.

I'm not advocating for everyone to start piercing their babies, I just think that if it's your cultural tradition, that's rather nice, seeing as the baby gets lots of gold, and gets to grow up without remembering it being done. We're only horrified by it because it's not the British way.

Agree.

You cannot be serious. Dramatic much ???

Yes it absolutely looks awful and you are entitled to your opinion, but I’d avoid saying it.

DD spends ridiculous amounts (of our money as we support her right now) on solid gold earrings for her.
She needs to stop that. It would be different if it were her own money

What matters more: your relationship with your daughter or the opinions of (judgmental) strangers?

That’s a spectacularly stupid comment. It’s likely there will be a few kids with pierced ears especially if they’re from European / Arab or Indian background. Equally it was the default year 3 (age 8) birthday present in my daughters prep school by year 6 there were only 1 or 2 girls who hadn’t had their ears pierced.

Trying to redress the balance here...

I wonder what things we do in white British culture that might seem "trashy" to other cultures? Here are some guesses:

Hunting
Looking more "natural" than in some cultures = to more dressy cultures, we might look unkempt. See Boris and his mad hair!
Our lack of enthusiasm for talking to people we don't know = might read as bad manners
Drinking a lot
Low marriage rates
Eating black pudding
Washing up in a bowl
Not having the top-sheet arrangement on the bed, just duvet covers.

Just trying to turn things around and see what might make us look bad to other cultures. We must surely look trashy in some ways too.

I feel sorry for the daughter here. She's obviously recently left a difficult situation, gone back to her mum's for support but her mum is actually a hugely judgemental cow.