To think DP is being used by so called "friend"

[Queenjuliana]

Apologies for the long post, it takes a bit of explaining....DP has a friend who lives in Germany with his partner. DP and friend have known each other since childhood, went to school together etc. They are only in contact via social media, mainly to talk about football and reminisce about the old days. From what I can gather, the friend leads an "alternative" lifestyle. They don't have proper jobs, they smoke dope, and are self described "anarchists" ( whatever that is!) The friend's wife has recently been diagnosed with breast cancer. The friend has asked my partner to set up a Go Fund me page to raise money for her. The target is £9000. Apparently he does not want to do this himself because the money cannot be traceable to him. After lots of questioning to a very defensive DP, this is what I've managed to surmise..She is getting free health care treatment in Germany for her cancer. But due to the cancer she cannot work (cleaning job I believe) So they want the funds for living expenses. Germany of course have a sickness benefit which can be claimed but I'm assuming they haven't paid anything into the scheme as they are not eligible. So why am I resentful of this kind act my DP is doing? This friend has history of coming to DP when he needs money. DP is a soft touch, very kindhearted and an easy target. He talked him into "investing" £500 in the past to some hare brained music company he was supposedly setting up. Obviously the money was never seen again. Also, why can't the friend support his own wife? I personally can't see why he expects other people to donate to their living expenses because he hasn't bothered to get a decent job, and because they haven't paid into the health insurance scheme over there. The collection is going well and they have got to £7000. On top of this, because the money has to be untraceable, the friend has to have it in cash so DP has agreed to fly to Germany with it!! I know it's not my business but it all sounds so dodgy and underhand. I have every sympathy for her cancer diagnosis but she is getting well cared for and her prognosis is good as caught early. I'm pretty sure the friend would not be doing the same for DP if the roles were reversed. AIBU to think DP is being taken for a mug and this whole thing sounds like a scam?

I’d be very surprised if he got as far as customs! Will Gofundme pay it to him as he’s not the beneficiary? The bank (if he gets it) WILL have questions and absolutely can stop him from withdrawing it - please make sure he’s not using a joint account!

Perhaps. I believe the guy convinced DP to open the GoFundMe account, so it may be in his name already.

Funny tho and I completely agree - especially Holibobs I can't bear it 😬

We're not married and my own kids are adult and don't live with us so no risk on that score. 🙏

I know just gross isn’t it ??!

Dp is named on gofundme as the organiser

Who is the named beneficiary? The friend or the wife?

If the wife is listed as the recipient, it’s likely that GFM will not allow your DP to transfer the funds to himself. This is a safeguarding measure to make sure funds go to the right place and to prevent fraud.

As a financial professional, the minute I see the word "untraceable" the alarm bells go off. This sounds dodgy as all hell.
Your DP might be about to get himself in an awful lot of trouble if he's assisting someone to effectively commit benefit fraud by hiding cash that would affect eligibility. Or it might be a straight-up scam by charitable fundraising for a need that doesn't actually exist.
Your DP needs to find a way to remove himself from this scheme fast. If he can't do it politely he needs to just do it impolitely, because a genuine friend would not have asked him to do this in the first place.

Thy have money sniffer dogs. He’ll look like a money mule if stopped. Very dangerous. Ask them to come collect it. You do not want to get involved in money laundering. It could stop a future travel plans you have.
this is how people launder money, by praying on people with nice natures and naive. Sit him down in front of some banged up abroad episodes. Should put the willies up him.

My first question is does she even have cancer. Loads of red flags and they sound like grifters.

It sounds like your DP wants to impress these people, he's putting his needs way below theirs in a way that makes him look a bit desperate for approval. If they really needed this help in a genuine way it would be different but they could easily have set up their own GFM or flown over for the cash, they just can't be bothered and are using him. I'd feel like he had some inadequacy issues to be being such a doormat.

Or even worse, it could be some sort of terrorist thing to do with their anarchist beliefs.

Do you think your DP is a member of the group too?

This is fraud. Stop it now. It is raising money on false pretences. Seriously you are looking at jail time. Return the money to donors.

@Queenjuliana This sounds very suspicious.
Report it to ''Go fund me'' and the donors will get their money back.

They are on benefits, and that's why the money has to be ''untraceable''.

Your username sent my morning coffee snorting up my nose- but yes, @Queenjuliana ought to be very concerned.
Report the Go fund me and the donors will get their money back.

This is very dodgy sounding.

This

I would not be happy with this at all like you OP. I often look at GoFundMe's and think they are dodgy AF...full of dodgy free loaders that have wasted their own money, bought nice things/ holidays and not prepared for rainy day at best.

And it it is a possibility they are faking her illness, which is possibly why they don't want it in their name. But from what you have described you have made your feelings known multiple times. Like with one of your kids you can only advise and then stand back and let somebody make their own decisions and possibly mistakes. Your partner has decided. Now just let it be... don't let it damage your relationship. I'd check the gofundme though and make sure there's no misrepresentation to your family and friends. I wouldn't be happy about my nearest and dearest donating when your partners friend is more than capable of working, but chooses to leech of the 'conformists' he looks down on to lead a supposed 'anarchist' freeloader lifestyle 🙈🙈

How do you even know if his partner really exists or really has cancer?

If your husband is withdrawing the money from the Go Fund Me, he will be seen as the beneficiary, especially if there is no trace of the funds going elsewhere.
He will need to declare this on his tax return. As it be considered taxable income.

community.hmrc.gov.uk/customerforums/taxcredits/c7ecc942-1f86-ef11-9442-002248c80eb4#:~:text=As%20per%20the%20law%2C%20you,the%20form%20of%20Gift%20Aid.

Thing is though the money is traceable to your DH. So when people ask what the money is being used for your DH could then be accused of theft if there is no papertrail.
Also if it is as they get no help as such most people would still put in if they think highly of them so it makes no sense.
It just seems off this whole thing.

What area of work does your DP do? Is it a regulated industry or one aligned to a profession (e.g. banking, law, accountancy)?
This is literally a use case in certain fraud training: acting as a man-in-the-middle for no real reason.
At best, it’s “only” benefits fraud. I would be furious and unable to look beyond it. What line would he cross next?

Leaving hat aside I’d be worried about a) your tax position, it will be seen as his money and taxable in his hands,b) money laundering, his triggers so many red flags and c) possibly,funding terrorise, collecting money from small untraceable sources and moving it internationally when you don’t know where it’s going/ what it is for ( your mate saying so isn’t enough) rings so many bells. He could go to prison.

Gotta love "anarchists" who don't believe in working but are quite happy to live off those who do.
Your dh is an idiot and I hope his good intentions don't cause him any legal issues.

There are limits to how much money you can take out of the country, remind him if he gets stopped by a cash dog etc.... he's not going to be in a great place legally that may sway him into some more logical thinking