To think DP is being used by so called "friend"

[Queenjuliana]

Apologies for the long post, it takes a bit of explaining....DP has a friend who lives in Germany with his partner. DP and friend have known each other since childhood, went to school together etc. They are only in contact via social media, mainly to talk about football and reminisce about the old days. From what I can gather, the friend leads an "alternative" lifestyle. They don't have proper jobs, they smoke dope, and are self described "anarchists" ( whatever that is!) The friend's wife has recently been diagnosed with breast cancer. The friend has asked my partner to set up a Go Fund me page to raise money for her. The target is £9000. Apparently he does not want to do this himself because the money cannot be traceable to him. After lots of questioning to a very defensive DP, this is what I've managed to surmise..She is getting free health care treatment in Germany for her cancer. But due to the cancer she cannot work (cleaning job I believe) So they want the funds for living expenses. Germany of course have a sickness benefit which can be claimed but I'm assuming they haven't paid anything into the scheme as they are not eligible. So why am I resentful of this kind act my DP is doing? This friend has history of coming to DP when he needs money. DP is a soft touch, very kindhearted and an easy target. He talked him into "investing" £500 in the past to some hare brained music company he was supposedly setting up. Obviously the money was never seen again. Also, why can't the friend support his own wife? I personally can't see why he expects other people to donate to their living expenses because he hasn't bothered to get a decent job, and because they haven't paid into the health insurance scheme over there. The collection is going well and they have got to £7000. On top of this, because the money has to be untraceable, the friend has to have it in cash so DP has agreed to fly to Germany with it!! I know it's not my business but it all sounds so dodgy and underhand. I have every sympathy for her cancer diagnosis but she is getting well cared for and her prognosis is good as caught early. I'm pretty sure the friend would not be doing the same for DP if the roles were reversed. AIBU to think DP is being taken for a mug and this whole thing sounds like a scam?

Where in the chain is the money going to change from £££ to euros?

This is a bonkers plan and your husband is being dim to say the least to have anything to do with it

I imagine that a wad of cash could be one of the things they look for when they X-ray your bags at airport security. At the very least he could be having a difficult conversation with customs?

Have you mentioned the £500 that he previously 'invested' in one of his friend's 'businesses' which was never seen again? In light of that 'investment', I'm not sure how he can claim that there is no risk. Most people would have stopped trusting their friend at that point.

It's concerning how he is refusing to see why you are worried about what he is doing. Does your DP paying to take the money to Germany and back impact your finances in any way?

But WHY does the money have to be untraceable? What’s your DH’s explanation for this? Surely that is raising red flags to him?

Tupperjen said:
To me, sounds like money laundering. They are selling contraband and are being paid via "donations" to a dodgy gofundme... possibly multiple appeals. But they don't want any link between them and the seller - but instead they are putting your DH in the frame. Nice.

OP, I completely agree with this. Please tell your DH this. Your DH is either a nice person being taken advantage or he is in cahoots with them and a criminal mastermind.

EDIT:
I just read out your initial post and updates to a police officer relative andcthe strongly advised against your DH becoming more involved in this situation and that taking the money to Germany would be a mistake as it is likely the proceeds of crime.

A friend’s brother did a mate a favour - and ended up in jail… Your DH should never have started the GoFundMe in the first place but he most definitely shouldn’t get involved in flying over with the money! He’d be involving himself in fraud - or worse.

He should either transfer the money by legitimate and traceable means, or he should return it all to those who donated.

I’m confused as to how your husband’s mate’s name isn’t already attached to the money?

If ‘Dave and Jackie’ are a well-known couple on a music scene then surely most people would assume any money supporting her living expenses would also be helping him, that as a couple he would have access to that money.

Unless they do not live together and have completely separate finances I suppose - but then surely Dave could set up the GFM for Jackie himself?

Has your husband met or spoken with Jackie? Does she even know photos of her in a vulnerable state were taken, put on the internet and are being used to raise money?

All mentions so far are of your husband handing the money to Dave, if he’s so keen to keep a distance to the money surely your husband would be handing it to Jackie?

I don’t want to be too outing here, but a not dissimilar situation happened with my sister’s husband. He ended up being arrested, charged with money laundering, and even served a short sentence in prison. The worst part was that he lost his career—he had a very sought after/difficult to get degree which he had spent years working to get, and he was struck off after the incident.

I think your DP perhaps thinks he’s in too deep now, he’s promised a lot, and it’s “too late” to pull out now. Trust me when I say that it’s not “too late.” I really do hope that you don’t have children.

I’d also add that you need to protect yourself too. Who’s to know that this isn’t something your DH and you decided to do? What if there’s trouble and you’re accused of knowing what’s happening but not informing anyone?

The whole thing stinks and your DH is a fool.

Other friends wouldn't get involved for tax reasons?! What does that mean? I don't understand that if friends avoided helping out for XYZ reasons, then why wouldn't the same apply to your DH tax situation? Makes no sense. Just asked my DH what he thinks, he does a lot around anti money-laundering etc and he said your DH is on a hiding to nothing. Very foolish.

Do you know any of these other friends who have refused to help, well enough to talk to them about how worried you are about DH doing it?

On the 1 hand, if all goes tickety-boo then phew, no lasting damage (other than the friend getting your DH involved in another scheme that could be even more dodgy) but on the other hand...eeek...there are a lot of 'what ifs' that should be clanging massive alarm bells for your DH!! I think if my DH did something like this and disregarded my concerns so easily, I'd be majorly pissed off and would find it hard to move on from it.

You must be tearing your hair out! 😤🤯

I think your dp is a mug and think the friends are cheeky fuckers and possibly liars. Who needs to send blood test results to prove cancer to a friend? Someone who is planning a scam. No wonder they don't want the money traced to them because they will get criminal convictions for fraud. Sorry but this has scam written all over it. I think you do have a right to put your foot down because if your dp gets arrested it will have huge repercussions for you. It's time to put a stop to it.

I was thinking the same—I have unfortunately known many people who have gotten cancer. Not once has anyone provided medical records as proof. There is a lot of desperation to prove the cancer diagnosis here, which is suspect.

How frustrating that he cannot or will not see how dodgy this is. His "anarchist " friend knows a mug when he sees one!

I'm not sure of the tax implications but I suppose if there’s no trace of the cash being passed on to anyone then maybe it could be classed as income by HMRC🤷‍♂️

Either way, no doubt your husband is very well meaning with his intentions but please look at the post by Wildcat24 at 8.17am who appears to have real life experience of how this can go wrong

Just because it’s not illegal to bring the money in, doesn’t mean they won’t ask him the purpose of it. What will he say?

He'll be questioned at the bank when he tries to take out that amount cash - he will have to given them notice.
I imagine he will be questioned again at Forex.
Banks have markers for fraud and money laundering.
If he gets through customs I would be suprised.
He's a fool.
It's one thing to help a close friend. But this friend doesn't sound close and the whole thing smells fishy.
Show your husband this thread.

I’d tell him it’s very much illegal if he is an accomplice in money laundry.

When you say your husband is a "pushover" do you mean he is vulnerable in anyway? I'd be looking to see if there is any support from your local council for adults who are being exploited.

I think Dave has probably run out of people locally to use as a front for fundraising which is why he's picked on your husband for a plan which won't work.

I think the poster up thread who suggested seeking legal advice (especially for yourself) is on the right track.

Is your DH paying to travel out of his own money as well?

Last time I exchanged a large sum of money I had to provide proof of identity (passport or driver's license) and proof of where the money came from (bank statements).

Plus, as already mentioned, the money might be flagged when he goes through airport security.

@Queenjuliana - this whole scheme is totally harebrained and your partner could find himself in deep doodoo.

Not sure why people are so sure this is legal. It’s fraud if it turns out the friend’s wife doesn’t have cancer and it’s probably fraud anyway if it’s all being done to avoid being traced. If it’s all legal and above board why doesn’t the friend set up the go fund me?

I don't see how your husband has done anything wrong? He has acted in good faith organising a fund raiser for the sick woman. Op is inventing benefit fraud on the basis of absolutely no knowledge of the situation.
I think it is more the OP does not like this couple, for example referring to the lady's cleaning job as 'not a proper job', and resents them having this money. If course the husband does not to leave his sick wife to fly to the uk
Your dh would be committing fraud if he directed the money to charity having specifically collected it for this woman.

Best case it's benefit fraud. But my guess is that it is laundering drug money. People buy drugs from the German mate. They pay for it via the go fund me account. Some complete mug (your partner) puts his name to it and traffics the cash across the border.

OP, I posted at 8am this morning and in that post I mentioned reading your posts to a relative of mine who is a police officer. They have now read the entire thread themselves at my request.

These are their conclusions:

• your DH will be asked for proof of identity and address by customs, they will ask for lots of information- employment etc
• your DH will be stopped at customs and asked questions about the money - where it came from, why is it in cash rather than using the usual methods of transfer, who the money is going to (name, address etc)
• how long your DH will be in Germany - a short visit will be a giant red flag for money laundering
• proof that the money has been declared/will be declared for tax purposes as the amount will be near the E10,000 threshold
• your DH will be questioned thoroughly as customs will find the circumstances of the money transfer unusual and anything unusual warrants further investigation

Based on this your DH will HAVE to give the name and address of the ‘friend’ he is taking the money to as customs will demand this information.

If customs are unhappy with any of the answers your DH gives regarding the money it will be impounded while further investigations take place and only returned if customs are satisfied it is a legal transfer and the money is not the proceeds of crime.

Based on this my police officer relative would advise anyone in this situation to transfer the money by a recognised money transfer method that is traceable as this will demonstrate that as far as your DH was concerned the money was raised (on a well known legal fundraising platform) and then transferred to the recipient of the fundraising in good faith.

After hearing all this from my relative I would not allow my DH to go to Germany with this money. He could be opening you, him and your family up to a terrible situation which will affect you. What if customs investigate and find out it is money laundering? Your DH will be in big trouble.

This would be the end of the relationship for me op. The mans a liability. Whats next, this friend asks him to remortgage the house without telling you to fund more “cancer treatment”. Nope. He cannot make sensible decisions

I couldn’t love a man that was either a total fucking moron, or lacking in morals. Those seem to be the two options on the table here.