To think DP is being used by so called "friend"

[Queenjuliana]

Apologies for the long post, it takes a bit of explaining....DP has a friend who lives in Germany with his partner. DP and friend have known each other since childhood, went to school together etc. They are only in contact via social media, mainly to talk about football and reminisce about the old days. From what I can gather, the friend leads an "alternative" lifestyle. They don't have proper jobs, they smoke dope, and are self described "anarchists" ( whatever that is!) The friend's wife has recently been diagnosed with breast cancer. The friend has asked my partner to set up a Go Fund me page to raise money for her. The target is £9000. Apparently he does not want to do this himself because the money cannot be traceable to him. After lots of questioning to a very defensive DP, this is what I've managed to surmise..She is getting free health care treatment in Germany for her cancer. But due to the cancer she cannot work (cleaning job I believe) So they want the funds for living expenses. Germany of course have a sickness benefit which can be claimed but I'm assuming they haven't paid anything into the scheme as they are not eligible. So why am I resentful of this kind act my DP is doing? This friend has history of coming to DP when he needs money. DP is a soft touch, very kindhearted and an easy target. He talked him into "investing" £500 in the past to some hare brained music company he was supposedly setting up. Obviously the money was never seen again. Also, why can't the friend support his own wife? I personally can't see why he expects other people to donate to their living expenses because he hasn't bothered to get a decent job, and because they haven't paid into the health insurance scheme over there. The collection is going well and they have got to £7000. On top of this, because the money has to be untraceable, the friend has to have it in cash so DP has agreed to fly to Germany with it!! I know it's not my business but it all sounds so dodgy and underhand. I have every sympathy for her cancer diagnosis but she is getting well cared for and her prognosis is good as caught early. I'm pretty sure the friend would not be doing the same for DP if the roles were reversed. AIBU to think DP is being taken for a mug and this whole thing sounds like a scam?

@HowdyDoody2025 white saviour complex? His friend is very much from the same social background. And it's not so much billybigballs as the only one who CAN help, more the only one who WILL help. Because he won't listen to common sense

At that point it's down to the donor/contributor to decide whether they believe the information provided and whether they want to support this privately organised enterprise. As someone else has pointed out, lots of dubious appeals on GFM and it's caveat emptor for sure.

Your DP has no obligation to provide thanks or page updates to those who have provided support. Although the fact that he is not intending to tell them that he'll be taking some of their donations to pay for his ticket to Germany to deliver cash to ensure that there's no financial footprint might tell you he is aware that matters are being played fast and loose, here.

Saw you said your DP is an electrician. Does he have his own business? If this is going through business accounts, HMRC are even more likely to be interested.

Is the woman with cancer named as a beneficiary on the appeal?

@mildredsauce dp is now retired, and never had his own business. Yes the wife is named on the GFM page along with her photo

I can see your husband’s POV, just because they are in a country with welfare doesn’t mean the welfare is enough - they might genuinely need the money.

The issue is the untraceable bit. That’s what makes the whole set up dodgy.

I'm not commenting on the legalities around the GFM. I've no idea how that works.
However, on carrying the money in or out of Germany, I have a family member who lives there and wanted to gift my siblings and I an amount. It was €10k and I carried it in 1 and 200 € notes in my purse. I also had a few 100 of my own money in my purse so in all it was over the allowable amount.
No one batted an eyelid.
My bag was searched due to having a mascara in there that had accidently not been put into the plastic bag. They did not look in my purse and no questions were asked about the money.

@MyLimeGuide I'd say that's a bit of sweeping generalisation. But this particular situation definitely screams dodgy!

I think your DH sounds lovely, if a little naive of course. The untraceable thing is so weird.

Also it does make me laugh when these so called 'anarchists' who don't believe in the 'system' often have to eat humble pie when they need it most. All the doctors, nurses, scientists treating his wife are also part of this vague 'system' they're so against.

Doubt they'll see it that way though.

It sounds like a scam to me. I can't think of a valid reason why it should be untraceable or why he needs to physically take it in cash

If they are commiting benefit fraud and he is helping them he is doing something illegal. He sounds very naive.

So if said woman is randomly investigated or someone grasses her up for having 10k raised in a go fund me page as they’ve seen it all over social media etc, where is she going to say the cash went?

it seems she’s not an anon recipient so why be non traceable?

I totally agree - it’s how you get the money to him that is the part that could get you into problems unless you bank transfer it. As your DP will look like recipient.

OP, any photo of someone in hospital can be used to say they have cancer when they don't.
You see celebs on a hospital bed after fainting and getting a B12 drip.
To the untrained eye, it can look like something serious when it's not.

Does the wife know her pic is being used this way?

It all screams money laundering or at best, benefit fraud.

Your partner could say when he went to withdraw the money, they've asked for proof of what it's for. ID's, national insurance number equivalent, doc letter etc.
If the friend refuses and maintains it can't be traceable, then your DH can let it sit in his account/send it back to Go fund me.

Could be ego at play as backtracking will be admitting he's been foolish.

Happens to the best of them but best quit before he has a criminal record or worse.

This, also your DP could get in trouble if caught taking so much out of the country.
He needs to check the rules

The problem I work have with this is that if he gets it paid in to his account and then draws it out as cash he can't prove what he did with the money after that and may well become liable for tax. In his head he's giving it to his friend but he's not declaring it either so no proof will exist. In addition it sounds super fishy that suddenly all their mates are donating to this for these amounts? It stinks of money laundering and the repercussions of your DP being tied up in something like this are really serious. What if they are selling contraband to these 'donors' and using the GFM page as a front for payment? Your DP needs to give his head a wobble.

Do make sure your DP gets a proper signed receipt for the money.

They smoke dope and want money yo be untraceable?! Call me cynical but smacks of drug use to me....how does he know she has got cancer if he lives in a different country, hasn't seen her for years....sounds dodgy.

How does your DP know what is the money being used for, it could be for something illegal especially if they are anarchists, l would have absolutely nothing to do with their scheme.

Not sure if it’s already been said, but has he questioned why nobody else is willing to travel with the money? Obviously others have concerns about transporting cash across borders

as others have said the moneys traceable to your dp, could have all sorts of implications.m

Yes that's if the people organising the go fund me say that they've ended up receiving more than they need, etc.
But if it's cancelled by go fund me for legal reasons, breaking T&C's etc then donators loose their money.

Of course you get taxed on go fund me donations - even charity shops get taxed. It's classed as an income.

That's not what an anarchist is! Most punks and metal heads claim to be anarchists. Just because the FBI (who at one point tried to make punk and metal music illegal) say all anarchists are like that it doesn't mean they are. They're also not all dole dosers who can't be bothered to work.

Gfm would investigate I doubt they would name who reported you could tag this thread to it. The amount would be frozen until they are satisfied with the legitimacy of it. He will need to prove his relationship to the recipient if he is cashing in the money.
Also changing the money into cash euros will automatically flag hmrc and he will need to show id. People who think cash is untraceable are naive, it will be logged and if questioned your DP will have to explain himself.
I have a friend who used to charity fund raise, 32k over 5 years. Every penny went to what turned out to be a dodgy rescue who were on benefits in UK. She got a massive tax bill plus fine for undeclared earnings that she 'gifted' and recipient done for benefit fraud. PayPal had reported unusual activity. I am sure it will go ok but if it doesn't it won't be fun. Also the larger donors could be asked to provide tax info to support the amount gifted. It's called due diligence and your DP has his blinkers on. It should only be transferred by bacs payment so he has proof of payment. If the shit hits the fan your DP friend will chuck him under the bus.

Edited to say.
If most donations are people who know the grifters and happy it is for pocket money, why are they not handing him envelopes of cash personally!

I mean what could possibly go wrong 😀