To think DP is being used by so called "friend"

[Queenjuliana]

Apologies for the long post, it takes a bit of explaining....DP has a friend who lives in Germany with his partner. DP and friend have known each other since childhood, went to school together etc. They are only in contact via social media, mainly to talk about football and reminisce about the old days. From what I can gather, the friend leads an "alternative" lifestyle. They don't have proper jobs, they smoke dope, and are self described "anarchists" ( whatever that is!) The friend's wife has recently been diagnosed with breast cancer. The friend has asked my partner to set up a Go Fund me page to raise money for her. The target is £9000. Apparently he does not want to do this himself because the money cannot be traceable to him. After lots of questioning to a very defensive DP, this is what I've managed to surmise..She is getting free health care treatment in Germany for her cancer. But due to the cancer she cannot work (cleaning job I believe) So they want the funds for living expenses. Germany of course have a sickness benefit which can be claimed but I'm assuming they haven't paid anything into the scheme as they are not eligible. So why am I resentful of this kind act my DP is doing? This friend has history of coming to DP when he needs money. DP is a soft touch, very kindhearted and an easy target. He talked him into "investing" £500 in the past to some hare brained music company he was supposedly setting up. Obviously the money was never seen again. Also, why can't the friend support his own wife? I personally can't see why he expects other people to donate to their living expenses because he hasn't bothered to get a decent job, and because they haven't paid into the health insurance scheme over there. The collection is going well and they have got to £7000. On top of this, because the money has to be untraceable, the friend has to have it in cash so DP has agreed to fly to Germany with it!! I know it's not my business but it all sounds so dodgy and underhand. I have every sympathy for her cancer diagnosis but she is getting well cared for and her prognosis is good as caught early. I'm pretty sure the friend would not be doing the same for DP if the roles were reversed. AIBU to think DP is being taken for a mug and this whole thing sounds like a scam?

Rubbish. Do you actually know any anarchists? Lots are so opposed to the State that they don't even claim the benefits they would be entitled to, as they want as little to do with the State as possible.

Hi, I am german but have lived in the UK for almost 20 years.
My family is all in Germany.
The german healthsystem and care is generally excellent.
A family member has had cancer and several bouts of illness recently and care was always amazing.
You don't have to pay for it ( is the partner german?)
You normally are also entitled to benefits and particularly if you have to go through chemo/radiation therapy it should not be difficult to get sozialhilfe.
If she was properly employed before she should still get her salary/ percentage of salary automatically and this usually for a long period of time. Either 70% before tax or maximum 90% after tax for a maximum of 1.5 years.
I can't imagine anyone not being eligible for support?
But wouldn't know if she wasn't regularly/officially employed?
But normally the Krankenkasse ( bit like german nhs) calculates a certain amount based on circumstances and prior earnings etc. There will be a baserate.
I personally want to say this will be better and easier achieved in Germany compared to the UK.
But also....I haven't lived there for a long time.
I think it sounds fishy and your husbands friend may be trying to defraud the system.

@Longtimelurkerfinallyposts I know people who claim to be that, yeah. Hippies, crusties, whatever...I'm not saying all are on benefits but the ones I know are.

I would absolutely lose the plot if DH suggested he was travelling with £7k in cash. What if he got mugged or lost it? Let alone explaining it to a border guard at security, even if it is totally legal, which sounds borderline, who does that these days of electronic money. No way. It sounds totally dodgy.

DP has a responsibility to you. It's one thing helping a 'friend' but not if it means getting done for fraud or deception. If he does get arrested or something goes wrong, frankly he only has himself to blame. The whole thing sounds dodgy as hell and he's a fool for going along with it.

Has your partner had a brain injury?

Travelling to Germany with a suitcase full of cash to help commit benefit fraud😂

Chatting over social media about the footy is one thing, and even sending £500 of your own money (if you can afford to lose it) I can just about get on board with but this is another level of stupidity

Might be the best option here. Then block this “friend” going forward

The biggest thing for me would be how that money goes from a gofundme account to cash. Transferred from gofundme to your DPs bank account, then withdrawn from a bank as cash?

It may not be traceable to the friend but it will be very traceable to your DP. Either now or in future there could be questions about where that money went and there will be no record of it past being in your DP's possession.

That’s what im
thinking. I’d tell your husband to stay well
clear of this.

The money is clearly traceable back to your husband. Should the money be used for anything other than it's 'intended' purpose, the only one getting in trouble would be your husband.

One way or another, if your husband gets checked at the airport and have a wad of cash on him, he's either going to have to tell the truth that the cash is aiding benefit fraud, or he's going to have to lie and say it's for another purpose.

Each to their own but I wouldn't be tolerating that.

I live in Germany, we have a good healthcare system and even if you haven’t been paying our equivalent of National Insurance, you should be able to claim Bürgergeld (basic social security payments). But for this they want your former employment details, and to know why you are currently not working, and they can ask to check bank statements and query any unexplained sums being paid in, for example from undeclared work. Unless they are living completely outside all social security systems, this will be what they’re trying to avoid.

I'm assuming that most of the go fund me donations have come from friends and family still in the UK? What happens if the woman isn't really ill, someone finds out and your DH's friend denies all knowledge of ever asking him to set up the collection?
The social and criminal consequences for your DP could ruin him (and you) Please get DP to close the page and return the donations before he finds himself plastered all over the tabloids for fraud...

it sounds so dodgy sure he doesn't owe his drug dealer?

I'd assume it was to buy lots more stoner stuff/drugs. Your DH is being a total mug.

@Longtimelurkerfinallyposts I do know a fair few - they’re mostly divided into benefit claimants because they see it as righteous since, well, fuck the government, or coasting by with their parents money while uploading to their socials on their iPhones lol

No. Just no. This is dangerous and probably fraudulent. Your DP could end up involved in god knows what. Why the hell is he even considering this?

Dodgy as hell...

Your Dp is an idiot.

Why can't the friend just get a job, or is that too difficult.

I know, it doesn't make sense to me either

@Queenjuliana Can you somehow persuade your husband to not do this? It sounds really suspect.

@Queenjuliana id be pointing out to partner that he’s helping defraud the system that his friends have made full use of and that it makes me see him in a different light.

also - are we even sure his friends partner has really been ill?

And how is your partner going to declare the money himself when he travels over to customs? Is he taking the travel costs out of the money raised?

im sorry but the whole thing is a scam.
Her medical costs are covered.
Germany has an unemployment benefit they could apply for which would cover living costs and his mate could get a fucking job.

I spoke to DP today, he was already aware about the 10,000 euro limit. He's going to close the go fund me when it gets to the equivalent of that. He's adamant he's going to do this and won't be talked out of it. He says he's doing nothing illegal. I can't make him see what a cheek they have for getting him to do this!

We spoke about it more today and he started getting quite narky. He says they didn't ask him to take the cash to Germany, he offered! But his friend was going on about how difficult it was going to be to get the money to them, (in other words, a massive hint, knowing that my DP would be sure to offer) and that other people they know weren't willing to do it for tax reasons!!?? That didn't make any sense to me.

The people that have donated apparently know that it's towards their " living expenses " It's people they know from gigs they do, they're like DJs or something, to do with being anarchists..I don't really understand it, but they have raised so much as they are known to a lot of people from these gigs 🤷‍♀️

Why on earth does the money have to be untraceable? Sounds dodgy.