To think DP is being used by so called "friend"

[Queenjuliana]

Apologies for the long post, it takes a bit of explaining....DP has a friend who lives in Germany with his partner. DP and friend have known each other since childhood, went to school together etc. They are only in contact via social media, mainly to talk about football and reminisce about the old days. From what I can gather, the friend leads an "alternative" lifestyle. They don't have proper jobs, they smoke dope, and are self described "anarchists" ( whatever that is!) The friend's wife has recently been diagnosed with breast cancer. The friend has asked my partner to set up a Go Fund me page to raise money for her. The target is £9000. Apparently he does not want to do this himself because the money cannot be traceable to him. After lots of questioning to a very defensive DP, this is what I've managed to surmise..She is getting free health care treatment in Germany for her cancer. But due to the cancer she cannot work (cleaning job I believe) So they want the funds for living expenses. Germany of course have a sickness benefit which can be claimed but I'm assuming they haven't paid anything into the scheme as they are not eligible. So why am I resentful of this kind act my DP is doing? This friend has history of coming to DP when he needs money. DP is a soft touch, very kindhearted and an easy target. He talked him into "investing" £500 in the past to some hare brained music company he was supposedly setting up. Obviously the money was never seen again. Also, why can't the friend support his own wife? I personally can't see why he expects other people to donate to their living expenses because he hasn't bothered to get a decent job, and because they haven't paid into the health insurance scheme over there. The collection is going well and they have got to £7000. On top of this, because the money has to be untraceable, the friend has to have it in cash so DP has agreed to fly to Germany with it!! I know it's not my business but it all sounds so dodgy and underhand. I have every sympathy for her cancer diagnosis but she is getting well cared for and her prognosis is good as caught early. I'm pretty sure the friend would not be doing the same for DP if the roles were reversed. AIBU to think DP is being taken for a mug and this whole thing sounds like a scam?

Apparently donations from friends, plus other anarchists who follow their music - they put on anarchists gigs and it seems they are quite well known on this scene

That's, what I said - why can't he come and get the cash himself- DP says he offered because he wants to help! FFS

I feel a bit ashamed to admit that the same thought crossed my mind ( how cynical) but I'm told DP has seen photos of her in hospital and his friend has shared blood test results with DP ( I thought this was odd and possibly manipulative)

he is such a good friend …
soooooo you two ladies have had some FaceTime chats …
you have had holidays with this couple ..,
you have had meals out with this couple …
they have visited and stayed in your home ..
they send Xmas and birthday cards to your kids …..

ring this woman yourself and have a long chat about how her cancer treatment is going , have pen and paper handy to write down the name of the hospital and consultant who is treating her ask specific question like is she having cold cap treatment is she on xxxxx drug (google some random cancer drug )
all these questions could be answered very quickly and non vaguely by someone genuinely having treatment

Is this a front for something else? You say that they do drugs, so they obviously have drug dealers in their lives. Personally, I wouldn’t be caught dead carrying thousands in cash across country borders for someone with links to drug dealers.

for 7k the friend can hop on a plane

friend is a drug addict and your husband is funding it

Had it out again today, he started getting very defensive and annoyed, says he is going to do it whether I like it or not. He wants to help out a friend going through a hard time. He's not doing anything illegal and he doesn't even care if they are committing benefit fraud. If I'd carried on trying to make him see it from my point of view we would have had a big fall out..

It's legal providing you don't exceed 10,000 euros..this is why he can't see a problem 😏

This definitely sounds like a scam or money laundering. Has DP definitely been speaking with his friend? Is it possible the account has been hacked and he's speaking with someone else?
If it is his friend, he needs to stop now. If it turns out to be untoward it will be DP who gets the heat not this friend.
I'd also remind DP that if all this was true it would have been far easier to ask people locally in Germany for support rather than setting up a page for someone in the UK and have a third party run it. This person is very dodgy.

Good luck to him—I hope you guys have a good lawyer.

Dodgy and your partner is happy to be sucked into it.
How unattractive.
You are certainly not a team.
I would be rethinking things knowing that he is so willing to be involved in something dodgy.

I know. It's infuriating. He just thinks im being hard and cynical. What makes it worse is that I don't think this friend has ever done anything for DP, and he has targeted DP because he knows he's a push over

As long as he’s laundering under €10k, it’s above board, and he won’t be prosecuted. 🤨

I couldn't agree more

I think you need to get legal advice. Firstly, I would be making it very clear what the consequences would be should he be arrested for fraud, i.e., you not getting involved in any way to help. You also need to check the implications for you..if this is fraud or money laundering, would you be an accessory? do you have kids? Are there any financial implications for you if he is arrested. sorry, it all sounds very dramatic, but that's the worst-case scenario.

I was thinking along those lines. Exactly how does it get to the dp's bank account plus a lot of banks only allow a certain amount of cash to be withdrawn at a time. With my bank the amount is 2.5k per month and they will ask about what the money is for. The only way round that is to use a bank card to withdraw cash. Say you have a £500 limit per day. So that would be 18 days to withdraw £9k. I think you can withdraw larger sums from the bank branch but it's at their discretion.

He sees it as helping out a friend in need. He claims there's no risk as he's not doing anything illegal. Even though for some reason all their other friends were not willing to get involved due to tax reasons 😕 Surely you don't get taxed on donations from Go Fund me??! It all just sounds like total bollocks

Your husband doesn't have the sense of a chicken, sorry.

Who has been donating to the fund? Are there large donations? He could be abetting benefit fraud and possibly acting as a money mule transporting laundered cash. Doing this with his name attached and not theirs, and wanting untraceable cash transported over international borders doesn't meet the smell test for being on the up and up.

I'd have divorced my husband if he had this little sense.

@Queenjuliana hmmm...surely even if it's shifty he could just do it via western union or moneygram or something. Why the need to have someone physically bring it over? Especially If he's claiming it's legal.
If he just wants to see him for a holiday then say that. It just makes me feel pretty uneasy!

How… weird. I know they’re friends and all that but I’d be seriously put off by this whole situation and my partner aiding someone in this sort of dodgy schemes.

I’m sorry, OP - let’s hope nothing goes sideways for your DH. The problem is if they keep coming back for more.

One other thing I haven't seen anyone raise is how is your husband going to prove he gave the proceeds of the GoFundMe to his friend?

Untraceable cash, as in can't be tracked and is the friend going to give him the equivalent of a notarized receipt?

What are the tax implications for you as a married couple here if he can't prove he dispersed the funds to the intended recipient?

Bless his pea picking heart, the road to hell is paved with good intentions.

Soumds like a scam… can you be sure the wife even has cancer?

Using the following words are enough to merit a delete and block - online and IRL:

Holibobs
Chrimbo
Bubs
Hubs
Babbas
Chrimble

Sorry please ignore above post

WRONG THREAD!

Like Outerspacepotato above, how will your husband prove he gave the cash to them? If the GoFundMe says it's for Dave and Jackie because Jackie has cancer and they need living expenses, then your DH cashing it out and not proving he gave it to them could be seen as fraud. Good friend or not, if donors come after your "D"H he might have to repay them out of your household monies.

To me, sounds like money laundering. They are selling contraband and are being paid via "donations" to a dodgy gofundme... possibly multiple appeals. But they don't want any link between them and the seller - but instead they are putting your DH in the frame. Nice.