Privacy on my break at work

[GreenwichMeanieTime]

Where I work we have a large staff canteen as we can’t really go out and get food. It sits a lot of people and is noisy, but it also has a quiet area that is kind of sectioned off to the rest. I often go and sit there in my lunch to read my book, or do my emails or go on my phone and surf the net for things I’m researching e.g. holidays. If there’s space I’ll usually sit there.

Nearly every time I do this, someone from my team will come along and sit next to me, and say something like “ oh, you are being antisocial” and they proceed to talk for the remaining hour about work, what’s going on, Janet in accounts, this customer or that manager and their personal problems. I was in work on Friday and it happened again. I was feeling a bit ill after Boxing Day, went for some quiet time and 2 of my colleagues came along and sat with me and never shut up the whole hour.

Now, to get to this area you literally have to go through the whole canteen and go round a bit cordoned off to get to it. If you go there it’s because you want some privacy.

Now I like my work colleagues but I don’t want to talk about work in my lunch break. I’ve got things to do which if I get them done and off my list, my life outside is a lot easier. Also, my work is quite stressful, and I need a break. I need to eat and do something else for a while. On Friday I literally felt like crying when I heard the clatter of trays on the table. They totally ignore that I am reading a book. I go back to my desk feeling like I’ve had no break.

I’ve tried to fudge my lunch break a bit, going early or late, and it’s made a bit of difference but now a couple of them are saying to let them know when I am going so we can have lunch together. Like I said, the talk is all about the company or work gossip. There is one day when they are not in and it was bliss, but then someone from another dept. came and sat next to me and never shut up once and talks so much that I’m late back because I can’t get an opening to say I’ve got to go.

AIBU for wanting a quiet lunch and if so any ideas for getting a break?

This thread gets more and more absurd.

Its absurd to reframe politely telling your colleagues that you would rather be left alone to get on with your own stuff at lunchtime as ' educating them..' Its even more absurd to reframe this as 'battling'.

OP wants to be left alone at lunchtime. Her colleagues don't realise this as she has not told them.

All of us in life have to push through discomfort to achieve a goal we want to. If we choose not to push through our discomfort we have to accept we won't achieve that goal, and that is on us.

If OP wants to be sit in that area alone, as she clearly does, she has to push through the discomfort she feels and simply tell them politely that she would rather be left alone at lunchtime as she has things to do.

Look up and very politely tell them that you want half an hour alone. I had a very needy colleague recently and I’ve taken to staying in my room and closing the door. I work through lunch anyway so I can leave soon after the students.

There's no need to be snippy.

I've never worked in a place with an HR department, so I don't know wether it would be down to HR or management, but since management deliberately created this quiet area, presumably for a reason, and There are “Quiet Area” signs according to the OP, it would only take someone (whoever it falls to) five minutes to send out an email to all employees reminding them of its purpose.

In a large company there will always be a few staff members who need some space or quiet. Maybe they're unwell or have problems at home, or just need to de-stress after a tough morning. It's good that someone recognised that when designing the canteen area, but every so often, from a welfare perspective, there needs to be a reminder of its purpose.

I bought a set of enormous headphones for this precise purpose. If someone tries to talk to me I just shake my head and smile and point to the headphones.

Exactly and especially as there seems to be other issues with the quiet area, not just OP's particular problem. She says other people are watching videos and chatting on speakerphone. That shouldn't be happening in the quiet area.

This is missing the point though isn't it? To cope with life we all need to be able to advocate for ourselves and assert basic boundaries. We can't rely on third parties to swoop in to save us.

If OP really is unable to have a quick word with her colleagues to tell them her preference is to lunch alone, then she needs help to learn these skills. HR rescuing her or random MNer's supporting her incapabilty will not help her in the long run.

As others have said, big headphones. I’m a nurse and there are tons of staff where I work. I’d say half of us put headphones on in the (large) break room which is pretty much our signal to be undisturbed. We all do a very people intense job where we talk non stop all day to our colleagues, patients and rellys at the bedside. Breaks is our decompress and listen to crap music/TV/Tiktoks for half an hour in peace time.

Get some big noise-cancelling bluetooth headphones. You can play anything you like (including neutral white-noise) but if anyone intererupts you you can say you are listening to a podcast you need to know about before a meeting this afternoon/event this evening/whatever so sorry can't chat today.

Exactly. @CantHoldMeDown has assumed this is not an official policy on the basis that OP hasn’t raised a grievance - completely failing to recognise that for many people this would be an absolute last resort rather than their first thought. But even if it isn’t carved in stone into the company handbook, surely someone in the company must have designated this area a quiet area - otherwise why would there be signs? It would take seconds to send an email saying “Please can everyone respect the quiet area and save group chats etc. for the main canteen”.

Ms Award-winning HR Manager has made sure to tell us she and her team are far, far too busy to deal with such minor trifles. But somewhere along the line she’s forgotten what the H in HR stands for.

completely failing to recognise that for many people this would be an absolute last resort rather than their first thought

The first thought should be to say to the colleagues, ' I prefer to lunch alone as I have personal stuff I need to get done in my lunch hour.' OP does not appear to have done this.

I’d chat to HR and say you need some quiet time at lunch to destress and decompress and your finding it’s too busy to do that at the moment, they might be able to find you a space where you can go for a quiet chill. I had the same issue at my work and HR were happy to help

There’s a massive difference between expecting HR to double up as cleaners or canteen managers and suggesting they just might help with upholding something the company has instituted. Regardless of whether it’s part of disciplinary policy or not.

I really feel for the OP here. Down time at work is precious, especially when lunch break is only 30 minutes.
I have a really stressful and intense job, I need those 30 mins to rest and just eat to recoup some energy!
There's a lady in my department at work (lovely btw), but she thinks nothing of regularly coming into my office (I'm alone in an office) whilst she knows I'm on lunch and trying to catch up with my online banking and online shopping whilst trying to actually eat my lunch. One day recently, she spent literally the whole 30 mins going on and onnnnn about her cat.... I just don't care about her cat.. I don't mind animals but I don't expect to spend my whole lunch break captive in my own office whilst she babbles on about it! I showed her no indicators that I was interested, asked nothing about the cat and just gave a couple of police "aha.." give of verbal nods to be police. Grrrrr. Why don't people have social awareness in these kind of situations?!

It can be hard to even politely point out at work that you might have different preferences and needs without being thought unfriendly, different, weird or difficult. Many larger workplaces are set up assuming people want to socialise in their lunch breaks. But surely headphones send a definite message.

I fucking hate this. Many of the offices I've worked in have nowhere to eat your lunch other than at your desk. I wish I had a pound for the amount of times another colleague has stood looming over me gabbling away whilst I'm trying to eat (and enjoy) my sandwich/salad or whatever. Or they pull up a chair and plonk themselves next to me. I don't want to eat my lunch with someone else gawping at me and I don't want to try and swallow great mouthfuls of it so I can respond to them. No matter how uncommunicative you are, or how pissed off you look they just don't get the bloody message! Personally, if someone else is eating my first reaction would be to say "oh sorry I'll come back when you've finished your lunch". Unless a shared lunchtime has been clearly and mutually agreed I wouldn't dream of imposing on someone trying to enjoy their food/break.

If you're not comfortable just being honest and saying you just want to read your book and be on your own, get some over ear headphones. They work in the gym, put these on and no one bothers you!

I have just started working in quite a big office, and also prefer to go off and read in peace on lunch. I worry my colleagues will think I’m standoffish but we talk on the phone to customers all day and I don’t want to sit and chat about work when I’m on lunch! I don’t mind sometimes, and do want to get to know my colleagues so sit with them sometimes but mostly I like to get a little peace and read or go in my phone, feels like a proper break. Someone has only come and sat with me once, brought smelly food with him so that was really annoying but there’s enough small spaces to get away to that it’s only happened once luckily. OP I feel your pain 😂

I do think one of the things that has gone wrong with society is that we expect someone in Authority to manage all social issues, rather than ourselves. Society actually functions better when individuals themselves are prepared to politely enforce accepted social boundaries. Such as saying, ' Its the quiet area.'

If it works, @bluetonguegiraffe, then great. But I’ve worked in enough offices to know that minor things can easily get blown up out of proportion, even if it’s just turning into office gossip.

I'd hope that if I was unwittingly disturbing someone and they said, “Sorry, do you mind if I just get on with XYZ?” or similar that I wouldn’t take offence. Unfortunately not everyone is like that.

Perhaps instead of focusing on “But why does OP need someone in authority to get involved?”, it would be worth looking at the question from a different angle. Does it actually do any harm for an office manager figure to send a quick email saying “We have a designated quiet area - please respect it”?

If there are official signs up, then the company has to take.some responsibility for enforcing the policy surely? I'm not suggesting that is down to HR, it might very well not be part of their remit, but the company cannot simply say it is up to each individual to tackle the issue. Yes ideally OP could say something but equally she might not want to, in which case the company is obliged to act.

I don't think it would be any easier or harder than reporting any other colleague problem to a line manager or HR. Why wouldn't it?

If I follow your logic then you should never say anything at work that might risk not being what the other person wants, in case it upsets them, because you might have to talk to a manager and they might not believe you.

Meanwhile, back in the real world, it's a pretty basic adult skill to be able to politely communicate with people and ask them not to do something.