Our comfort chat turned into an ear slitting screaming session

[Bridget05]

Ok admittedly I'm possibly much older than you lot out there, so I might need to call a taxi but here goes.
It's just after Christmas and I live in a tiny village with one coffee shop. We attract loads of families walking on weekends which is fine. But of course the shop is heaving. Again it's OK.
My friend had an awful Christmas day with an adult autistic son, a missing pet cat = son meltdown and she just needed a shoulder. Could not go to either home as hers contains adult son, mine contains old husband watching Wheeler Dealers on full volume.
So we luckily find our usual table and get a coffee ....okaaayyy I had cake as well.
A group of grandparents, parents and a toddler arrive and sit next to us..still OK.

Now I fully understand toddlers are noisy, I get it. But to keep the already overexcited child entertained they then began an interminable game of peek a boo, who's got your nose, piggy toes etc, which then turns a chatty chirping child into a screaming harpy , creating such a noise that no one can speak. My poor friend was almost in tears from the stress.
Eventually I nicely said (yes I can do nice) that while everyone understands children's noise, could they please not add to it by encouraging her.
Seems walkers from the big city find it difficult to take polite requests. Enough said.
So AIBU to just expect a parent not to encouraging loud noise in an already packed out Cafe or us it open season on quiet breaks now.

We used to carry a couple of miniature books of well loved stories, some crayons and paper and play I-spy but using quiet voices.

there is never a need for anyone to be shouting or screaming in public ( no one enjoys an adult doing it so why accept it from a child? )

if the child is over stimulated before entering the cafe - sooth them first.
if it developes in the cafe then it’s time to go.

If a child is noisy for a short while then I can live with that but if the parents are actively encouraging them to be loud with others in close proximity then it’s very selfish and you’re well within your rights to say something. Parents who over explain things to their kids with a loud voice can just get in the bin, annoying as hell!

I expect a child free cafe would be very popular!!

I would definitely ask a party creating a rumpus with their toddler by loud play in an enclosed public space to tone it down a bit and let everyone enjoy their tea and cake. People who are posting angrily and rudely saying so what and get over it and stay at home yourself maybe recognise themselves in this family?

I would rather recognise myself as being part of a happy family than whingeing about my poor decision deciding to go to a busy cafe at Christmas time with an emotionally distraught friend who needed privacy. Particularly when I had a suitable home my friend could visit, if only I could ask my DH to turn down the TV.

But each to their own 😊

People who are posting angrily and rudely saying so what and get over it and stay at home yourself maybe recognise themselves in this family?

Or just have a higher level of tolerance for normal everyday occurrences such as a toddler playing excitedly with their parent in an already very busy cafe.

I’d have sent old husband out on an errand so we could have a peaceful chat in my home. Your friend needed less stress and a cafe is rarely peaceful.

Maybe he can't get out, he is disabled.

It's Pedants' Corner, because it belongs to all the pedants, not just to one pedant.

@Sossijiz I love you. This is perfection.

Only the most miserable twat in the world tells someone off for playing with their baby. Christ.

Is this really who you want to be?

Your own homes are too noisy but you expect a public busy cafe to be a quiet space?

Oh behave. The whole world does not revolve around your 'baby' You teach your children etiquette in social situations and do not actively encourage ear splitting squealing in an indoor environment where people are trying to hold conversations. You are one of 'those' parents aren't you?

Yep, sums up my own thoughts quite well 😂

Good luck teaching a toddler social etiquette.

Same.

The whole world doesn't revolve around someone wanting a 'comfort chat' either. Cafes are noisy, Get over it.

Playing with a baby is fine but if it starts to and continues to disrupt the experience of the people around, you need to settle said baby. Babies and toddlers are adorable and most people can go with it when they see that the people with them are trying to settle them. However, those with them need to have some self awareness that it’s not all about them. I’ve taken my own and friends kids for fresh air or a jiggle to calm them down. I do not want to be “that person” who spoils some precious time out for other people in an environment set out for interaction. I have a serious medical condition at present, so my cafe times with friends are limited and precious.

Chatty and chirpy is lovely to be around. Screaming harpy wound up by those around them, just no.

And no, cafés should not all have play spaces. If you want a play space, go to somewhere that has one.

Op, it doesn’t sound like you told them off, just asked for some quieter interaction. I wonder if the other posters would feel the same about people on trains and airplanes playing on their devices loudly without headphones.

Those carping need to have a word with themselves and be more considerate.

Exactly

You teach them by distraction and encouraging them to use their indoor voice when they are toddlers and in a public indoor environment. You don't keep doing something that encourages them to screech loudly and if you do want to do that you do it somewhere more appropriate.

No it doesn't. But the op had the right to expect a normal level of noise ie people talking, children laughing, clattering plates etc. What is anti social, is ear splitting screeching which is being actively encouraged by the caregivers who don't give a shit about others around them

Parents don't parent these days ... its how it is, can't even teach them to use a toilet before starting school.

Again - good luck teaching an 18 month old about ‘indoor voices’!!!

The child was already being distracted and engaging with the family. Do you really think a packed cafe at Christmas time is an appropriate place for an emotionally distraught person who needs a ‘comfort chat’?! Why does this persons sensitivities trump the needs of others in the cafe? The OP should have invited her friend over to hers for her comfort and privacy, and simply asked her DH to turn down the TV. Life really isn’t this hard to navigate.

So encouraging screeching is ok? Righto then.

I have every sympathy for parents who are trying to manage their children's behaviour and failing. I had exactly this on a recent flight directly behind me. Toddler was screaming the whole 4.5 hours and the parents literally tried everything they could to console their child.

However it is not ok to consistently provoke this level of noise. The toddler could have been engaged with in a much better way that did not cause a nuisance to those around them.

And the op has already said she lives in a two up two down with a disabled husband hence the reason she could not have her friend at her own house.

And this is one of the reasons my local coffee shop has a “No under 16” policy.

Why could she not? Why does her living in a two up two down with her disabled husband prevent her from having a friend over? Other than him refusing to turn down the TV.

You are projecting your own experiences all over this thread and making all kinds of assumptions.