Our comfort chat turned into an ear slitting screaming session

[Bridget05]

Ok admittedly I'm possibly much older than you lot out there, so I might need to call a taxi but here goes.
It's just after Christmas and I live in a tiny village with one coffee shop. We attract loads of families walking on weekends which is fine. But of course the shop is heaving. Again it's OK.
My friend had an awful Christmas day with an adult autistic son, a missing pet cat = son meltdown and she just needed a shoulder. Could not go to either home as hers contains adult son, mine contains old husband watching Wheeler Dealers on full volume.
So we luckily find our usual table and get a coffee ....okaaayyy I had cake as well.
A group of grandparents, parents and a toddler arrive and sit next to us..still OK.

Now I fully understand toddlers are noisy, I get it. But to keep the already overexcited child entertained they then began an interminable game of peek a boo, who's got your nose, piggy toes etc, which then turns a chatty chirping child into a screaming harpy , creating such a noise that no one can speak. My poor friend was almost in tears from the stress.
Eventually I nicely said (yes I can do nice) that while everyone understands children's noise, could they please not add to it by encouraging her.
Seems walkers from the big city find it difficult to take polite requests. Enough said.
So AIBU to just expect a parent not to encouraging loud noise in an already packed out Cafe or us it open season on quiet breaks now.

A lot of people lack nuance in these discussions, I think.

Yes, it's absolutely a public space and when in public spaces, we all have to allow for noise, etc. No one is more entitled to use that space than another.

However, there's a huge difference between normal, every day noise and the kind of noise that means no one else can hear themselves think. The parents and their children don't get to dominate that space with their noise and ruin everyone else's time there.

There's a difference between "this child is upset/overexcited and screaming and the parents are trying to calm them down" and a parent/s/guardians actively encouraging their child to be as noisy as possible.

There is a way to play calmly with children that doesn't ruin everyone else's experience of that public space, but a lot of people on this thread don't seem to understand that you can have children and be considerate of other people.

The answer to this isn't "if you don't like screaming, screeching children and places where you can't hear yourself think let alone hold a conversation, you just shouldn't go to public spaces." The answer to this is, "when in a public space, don't encourage children to scream and screech and be overly disruptive where you can help it and be considerate of other people around you."

It's not rocket science to take kids out and ensure they, and people sitting within earshot, don't end up with either a sore throat (screaming) or a sore head (extreme noise pollution)

We used to take a book and crayons, sometimes the establishment provided them, or simply talk to the kids to entertain them.

How many times when sat in public places, do adults sit glued to their phones ignoring their kids...no wonder some kick off.

Yes, whereas the family in question in the OP were actively engaging with their child.

Adults need to be able to engage with their children without making life loud and miserable for all those around them - it's just more "me me me" selfish behaviour that seems to becoming much more common these days and making so many things that I used to enjoy no longer any fun

Yes, by all accounts that was the problem in this case.😖

It’s not about city folk or being entitled (either way) it’s about patents ensuring their kids don’t disrupt others in a public place.

Lesson learned for the OP, hopefully she can tell her husband to turn the TV down in future so she can ensure quiet privacy for a friend who is emotionally vulnerable. I’m sure she feels silly for suggesting meeting up in a busy cafe at Christmas time. We live and learn!

Maybe she will come back and tell us.
To be fair, I don't think she expected quiet privacy, just a place where she could have a catch-up without needing a hearing aide.

How about you create a childfree cafe, I’m sure you and others would love that👍

Nailed it

This is unpleasant.

🤔

It sounds frustrating OP. Your table neighbours could have been more considerate. But cafes are often noisy, bustling places. Surely your husband could have turned down the telly a little so you could have a friend in need of emotional support over to your own home. He might be easier to reason with and compromise with than a toddler.

If a child is making such a loud noise that others in the same room can’t hold down a conversation that’s too much. One child should not disrupt the enjoyment of every one else in the room. I am not saying that children can’t behave like kids but parents have to ensure that doesn’t impact others to such an extent. And I have a SEND child so I understand things don’t always to plan. I would remove her nicely. That’s the difference and this is where society is going wrong.

@loropianalover what a horribly mean spirited post.
Must everyone share the same style?

Perhaps those parents will find in time that the very act of being in a busy environment was the reason why their child was screaming. I only had to point my eldest son's pram in the direction of a shop or cafe and he would go ballistic. He's 16 now and has been awaiting ASD assessment for several years. Back then, it took a long time for the penny to drop that he was over stimulated by the noise and the hustle and bustle in shops. I thought he was just bored or tired.

You mean, so that this poor family can go out for a walk, and a treat at the cafe, without being yelled at by the OP ?

If the "poor family" had not made a stupid amount of noise in the first place then no one else would make stupid levels of noise back at them - if you give it you have to take it

Did you actually read the op and subsequent posts or did you just make this up as you went along? The op did not yell at anyone and the "poor family" were encouraging their toddler to screech loudly and persistently at an indoor cafe. As parents our job is to teach behaviour appropriate for the setting and this was neither considerate or appropriate

Some people have an overblown sense of entitlement.
In this situation, I don't think it was the lady who objected to adults encouraging children to behave like banshees.

Did I mention either side? Assume what you will.

Indeed!

Exactly.

There's a middle ground between tantrums and tablets

Totally agree with you. Children of all ages can and do learn to be quiet and calm indoors - but they need their adults to teach them. Quiet activities are available!