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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Our comfort chat turned into an ear slitting screaming session

436 replies

Bridget05 · 29/12/2024 14:29

Scream GIF by Originals

Ok admittedly I'm possibly much older than you lot out there, so I might need to call a taxi but here goes.
It's just after Christmas and I live in a tiny village with one coffee shop. We attract loads of families walking on weekends which is fine. But of course the shop is heaving. Again it's OK.
My friend had an awful Christmas day with an adult autistic son, a missing pet cat = son meltdown and she just needed a shoulder. Could not go to either home as hers contains adult son, mine contains old husband watching Wheeler Dealers on full volume.
So we luckily find our usual table and get a coffee ....okaaayyy I had cake as well.
A group of grandparents, parents and a toddler arrive and sit next to us..still OK.

Now I fully understand toddlers are noisy, I get it. But to keep the already overexcited child entertained they then began an interminable game of peek a boo, who's got your nose, piggy toes etc, which then turns a chatty chirping child into a screaming harpy , creating such a noise that no one can speak. My poor friend was almost in tears from the stress.
Eventually I nicely said (yes I can do nice) that while everyone understands children's noise, could they please not add to it by encouraging her.
Seems walkers from the big city find it difficult to take polite requests. Enough said.
So AIBU to just expect a parent not to encouraging loud noise in an already packed out Cafe or us it open season on quiet breaks now.

OP posts:
Lottapianos · 29/12/2024 14:32

I'm with you OP. As you say, babies and toddlers can be noisy, but the adults with them should be trying to entertain them in a calm way, not winding them up into a frenzy. Some people have no concept of being out in public and considering others. I would have been fuming too

parakeet · 29/12/2024 14:36

If your friend is reduced almost to tears just by a noisy toddler, I suggest you don't go to cafes together in future.

BettyBardMacDonald · 29/12/2024 15:01

Gosh, they sound obnoxious. Why can't they get their coffee and sit outdoors with the noisy kid.

solopanda · 29/12/2024 15:03

It's not their fault she had a noisy Christmas day and they're just as entitled as you to go to the cafe. Sounds like you're sneering at "outsiders". I also hate that gif it's really triggering.

solopanda · 29/12/2024 15:04

BettyBardMacDonald · 29/12/2024 15:01

Gosh, they sound obnoxious. Why can't they get their coffee and sit outdoors with the noisy kid.

Because it's cold. This could be the only chance they've seen the kid since christmas. Chill out it's CHRISTMAS

Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g · 29/12/2024 15:05

parakeet · 29/12/2024 14:36

If your friend is reduced almost to tears just by a noisy toddler, I suggest you don't go to cafes together in future.

You didn't read the bit about the poor woman having a dreadful Christmas with a missing pet and a stressed autistic son. Sounds like the noisy cafe was the straw that broke the camel's back.

Hatty65 · 29/12/2024 15:05

No, I'm with you OP.

If a toddler is shrieking indoors in a public space you take them OUT of there. You don't inflict that high pitched noise on others.

solopanda · 29/12/2024 15:06

Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g · 29/12/2024 15:05

You didn't read the bit about the poor woman having a dreadful Christmas with a missing pet and a stressed autistic son. Sounds like the noisy cafe was the straw that broke the camel's back.

That's fine but if she's had a dreadful noisy christmas and wants quiet then a public cafe isn't the place. Try a library.

loropianalover · 29/12/2024 15:08

Is this real? What’s with the ‘okayyyy I had cake as well’, the weird gif, and ‘yes I can do nice’. I’m surprised there was no ‘Dear Reader..’ 😅

Yes people are noisy in cafes, especially children. This has little to do with them being ‘from the big city’. Maybe just crack on instead of convoluting every interaction you have into cheesy diary entry style posts to put online.

ObieJoyful · 29/12/2024 15:08

parakeet · 29/12/2024 14:36

If your friend is reduced almost to tears just by a noisy toddler, I suggest you don't go to cafes together in future.

Wow

fuckingidiotseverywhere · 29/12/2024 15:09

Eventually I nicely said (yes I can do nice) that while everyone understands children's noise, could they please not add to it by encouraging her.

Sorry, you asked a stranger not to interact with her child in a public cafe? Confused

Merrygoround8 · 29/12/2024 15:10

Expecting any places to be quiet in school holidays is a bit misguided. Yes parents shouldn’t encourage squealing but at least that’s a better sound than “wheeler dealers on full volume” and you enabled that didn’t you:

GetyourheadoutoftheovenIris · 29/12/2024 15:13

If you are too fragile to be out in public then don’t go into public.

Instead of blaming strangers who dared to be in your cafe (I assume that you own it?) why not blame your shitting husband for not turning off his shit tv show or yourself for not thinking that you might come across people when in public.

baroqueandblue · 29/12/2024 15:14

I voted YABU because that grim scream-in-your-face GIF is intrusive. (And couldn't be more ironic, given your AIBU?)

BobbyBiscuits · 29/12/2024 15:14

I think the way you phrased it sounds a bit off. Like blaming the parents for the games they're playing with the child. A more neutral way to put it would just politely say 'sorry, but could you keep the noise down please'. Not really blaming one, but instructed at the whole group.

Its unfortunate your friend was so upset at the time. If I was you I'd have just invited her to yours and told husband to turn the telly down, while comforting her in a separate room.

Beezknees · 29/12/2024 15:14

I'm struggling to understand why you couldn't ask your husband to be quiet for half an hour but expect strangers to be quiet for you in a public cafe to be honest.

KilkennyCats · 29/12/2024 15:15

solopanda · 29/12/2024 15:03

It's not their fault she had a noisy Christmas day and they're just as entitled as you to go to the cafe. Sounds like you're sneering at "outsiders". I also hate that gif it's really triggering.

Edited

Nobody’s doubting their entitlement to be in the cafe?
You’ve missed the point by a country mile.

Glitchymn1 · 29/12/2024 15:15

Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g · 29/12/2024 15:05

You didn't read the bit about the poor woman having a dreadful Christmas with a missing pet and a stressed autistic son. Sounds like the noisy cafe was the straw that broke the camel's back.

This. Have some empathy.

YANBU there should be a children’s area- I wouldn’t want to hear any noise that was so loud it interfered with my enjoyment. This is why I prefer dogs.
I have a child, but we tend not to stay long and she’s very good. Cafes and pubs are boring for children.

fuckingidiotseverywhere · 29/12/2024 15:15

Beezknees · 29/12/2024 15:14

I'm struggling to understand why you couldn't ask your husband to be quiet for half an hour but expect strangers to be quiet for you in a public cafe to be honest.

Totally this.

Cherrypickled · 29/12/2024 15:15

I expect the village cafe owner is glad of the custom from the 'big city incomers' even if you are not very welcoming. No wonder village life has such a bad reputation.

NoSquirrels · 29/12/2024 15:16

None of you were in the right.

YesExactlyYes · 29/12/2024 15:16

Ok admittedly I'm possibly much older than you lot out there, so I might need to call a taxi but here goes.

I've seen posts from people in their 80s on here.

YANBU.

MyOtherCarisAVauxhallZafira · 29/12/2024 15:17

I do agree with you, public spaces need to accommodate all and screaming children shouldn't be encouraged to continue, but you can't use your house to see a friend because your husband is watching wheeler dealers on full volume?! That's madness

RedHelenB · 29/12/2024 15:18

I think you were rude OP. It's a public space, they were playing with their baby.

NewName24 · 29/12/2024 15:19

YABVU.

If you don't want to be around other people, then either stay in your home (presumably you have more than one room in your house, even if your dh can't understand your friend wants a bit of peace?) or go for a walk.

You definitely cannot expect the rest of the world to be silent because yu want some peace and quiet in a public place.