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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Our comfort chat turned into an ear slitting screaming session

436 replies

Bridget05 · 29/12/2024 14:29

Scream GIF by Originals

Ok admittedly I'm possibly much older than you lot out there, so I might need to call a taxi but here goes.
It's just after Christmas and I live in a tiny village with one coffee shop. We attract loads of families walking on weekends which is fine. But of course the shop is heaving. Again it's OK.
My friend had an awful Christmas day with an adult autistic son, a missing pet cat = son meltdown and she just needed a shoulder. Could not go to either home as hers contains adult son, mine contains old husband watching Wheeler Dealers on full volume.
So we luckily find our usual table and get a coffee ....okaaayyy I had cake as well.
A group of grandparents, parents and a toddler arrive and sit next to us..still OK.

Now I fully understand toddlers are noisy, I get it. But to keep the already overexcited child entertained they then began an interminable game of peek a boo, who's got your nose, piggy toes etc, which then turns a chatty chirping child into a screaming harpy , creating such a noise that no one can speak. My poor friend was almost in tears from the stress.
Eventually I nicely said (yes I can do nice) that while everyone understands children's noise, could they please not add to it by encouraging her.
Seems walkers from the big city find it difficult to take polite requests. Enough said.
So AIBU to just expect a parent not to encouraging loud noise in an already packed out Cafe or us it open season on quiet breaks now.

OP posts:
CactusPat · 29/12/2024 15:35

Heaven forbid someone played peekaboo with a baby.

How did you ascertain that they were Not Local by the way? ID check? Asked them their postcode?

Plastictrees · 29/12/2024 15:35

Beezknees · 29/12/2024 15:31

You can't control who is out in public and what you're going to deal with. You can do that in your own home, all OP had to do was ask her husband to turn the TV down. Would have been less stressful for her friend I'm sure!

I agree with this.

MereDintofPandiculation · 29/12/2024 15:36

solopanda · 29/12/2024 15:03

It's not their fault she had a noisy Christmas day and they're just as entitled as you to go to the cafe. Sounds like you're sneering at "outsiders". I also hate that gif it's really triggering.

Edited

No-one's entitled to be in a cafe if their presence spoils the experience for other people.

FreedFromDesireMindAndSensesPurified · 29/12/2024 15:36

Hobnobswantshernameback · 29/12/2024 15:33

Is this creative writing wannabe style of posting a thing now on here?

Hehe. How much do we bet that OP won't be back?

fuckingidiotseverywhere · 29/12/2024 15:36

Just to add, if it was people blaring things out of their phones at a high volume I'd completely agree with OP. But I do not agree that it's acceptable to tell a parent, even if it was done "nicely", to not "encourage" their child to engage with them. I think that's incredibly rude.

OhMaria2 · 29/12/2024 15:36

Anonym00se · 29/12/2024 15:25

People have forgotten how to behave in public. I was raised to be quiet in public, to talk in quiet tones and to try not to draw attention to yourself. A lots of (dare I say) young parents don’t seem to have had the same expectations and feel it’s acceptable to inflict their raucous behaviour on innocent bystanders. It’s a cafe, not the bloody Wacky Warehouse. YANBU.

Oh no, a child that was being played with nicely then started to cry. Arghhhh! They couldn't stop the Infant behaving like an infant, the horror! Only good parents have children that don't create!

JLou08 · 29/12/2024 15:37

If your own families can't be quiet so you can have a comfortable chat at home how can you expect strangers to be quiet in a public place

BenditlikeBridget · 29/12/2024 15:37

Screaming toddlers are not anyone’s idea of fun, I grant you. But I think it was probably a poor choice of venue by you on this occasion as you know that this particular coffee shop gets really busy at weekends and your friend needed quiet and comfort.

Next time kick the husband out of the lounge for an hour.

Cherrypickled · 29/12/2024 15:39

Hobnobswantshernameback · 29/12/2024 15:33

Is this creative writing wannabe style of posting a thing now on here?

It's very annoying. Makes me cringe.

Hankunamatata · 29/12/2024 15:39

3 kids and can't cope with squealing or being shrill.
So yanbu

Whaleandsnail6 · 29/12/2024 15:40

I actually think yabu. The adults were playing with their child. Fair enough if the kid had been running around or screaming at the top of their voice tantruming but it sounds like they were just playing, which I don't think is inappropriate in a cafe

You could have sat outside (not sure where you are but its been 8 degrees where I am today and I've just had a lovely walk and coffee with a friend outside) if they were bothering you. Or knowing your friend is fragile,chosen a less public area given its a lovely day, the time of the year people are likely to be out with family and sat in your home away from your loud husband.

Not saying you are not entitled to go to cafe but if you have set requirements of peace and quiet, its probably not the place for you and your friend to have this catch up

Hobnobswantshernameback · 29/12/2024 15:40

Okaaaay OP got any cheeky updates for us
lol

UpMyself · 29/12/2024 15:41

That Giphy is awful, @Bridget05 .

BaubleMania · 29/12/2024 15:42

I'm with the OP here, people fine, laughing children fine, genereral hubbub, not a problem.

Screaming children, absolutely not. It's at that point the parents should be looking for calmer ways to entertain, not ramp up the mania. I'm surprised by the number of posters that think this is ok (Although maybe not by the behaviour of some children I see when out and about).

I like children, even other people's children, I had a delightful chat with a three year old in the pub recently. He didn't screech at me once.

Although lose the gif OP, tis not nice!

SoNiceToComeHomeTo · 29/12/2024 15:42

I agree that it would have been considerate and polite to either to hush the toddler or not spend too long in the cafe. On the hand, a small cafe in a tourist area in Christmas week is not the place to go for a quiet chat with someone who is upset, so it was a bad choice on your part.
You have emphasised so many times in your OP that you don't mind tourists being in your village that it makes me think you do mind, and would prefer them to go elsewhere!

Pibrea · 29/12/2024 15:43

I feel your pain OP. I’m currently sitting on a train in a very quiet carriage with a man playing videos on his phone on FULL VOLUME and I’m losing my mind. I’m 31 so I don’t think it’s an age thing to get annoyed by other people’s noise. I just wish I had the guts to ask them to shut up like you did!

Katbum · 29/12/2024 15:43

You can’t control your grown husband’s bodies-making but expect a toddler to be quiet a public cafe? Get a life.

NOTANUM · 29/12/2024 15:43

Performance parenting - it seems invasive in the UK.
See also poor parenting. I’m sitting beside a young boy right now swiping through TikTok at full volume and his own parents are totally oblivious to a) what he’s watching and b) the impact on others.

nonbinaryfinery · 29/12/2024 15:44

Coffee shops and the like, are not playgrounds.

You're are definitely not being unreasonable. You were also nicer than I would have been.

TellingBone · 29/12/2024 15:44

What type of cake was it?

Never mind. I'm off for a 'comfort chat'.

Katbum · 29/12/2024 15:44

Pibrea · 29/12/2024 15:43

I feel your pain OP. I’m currently sitting on a train in a very quiet carriage with a man playing videos on his phone on FULL VOLUME and I’m losing my mind. I’m 31 so I don’t think it’s an age thing to get annoyed by other people’s noise. I just wish I had the guts to ask them to shut up like you did!

This is very very different to a toddler being loud in a cafe. A toddler doesn’t know any different, a grown man is choosing to be rude.

SugarPlumpFairyCakes · 29/12/2024 15:44

You teach your children how to behave in public spaces. Shrieking etc in a cafe isn't acceptable. If your kid can't do it then they shouldn't go.

WellMaybe · 29/12/2024 15:44

Beezknees · 29/12/2024 15:31

You can't control who is out in public and what you're going to deal with. You can do that in your own home, all OP had to do was ask her husband to turn the TV down. Would have been less stressful for her friend I'm sure!

Exactly this. The OP has one husband who could be asked to turn the volume down on the TV, or the OP and her stressed friend could sit in another room. It's a bit much to expect a large group to psychically intuit that her stressed friend has entered a crowded cafe in need of a 'quiet break'.

Jennyathemall · 29/12/2024 15:45

I think your first mistake was heading to the cafe in the first place - not a smart choice given the state of your friend.
Then given how busy it was and the noise from the table next to you, I would have left and gone somewhere else.

Hobnobswantshernameback · 29/12/2024 15:46

Oh and OP if anyone has ever told you that you should be an author and have a quirky writing style
they were lying