To go part time when finances aren’t great?

[iwanttoworktwodays]

There’s a long and complex back story here and so if I miss some information out it isn’t intentional.

I currently work three days a week, I want to reduce this to two, but still spread over three days - starting later and finishing earlier. This is mostly to allow me to do school drop offs and pick ups when my child starts school in September. It all falls on me, and although there is wraparound available it only starts at 8, my work starts at 820 and it’s a bit too tight. (There aren’t any childminders attached to the school.) So one way or another I have to be PT.

The problem is financially things aren’t great, it’s definitely the biggest source of tension in the house at the moment.

I have to admit I’m a bit torn with what to do. I’m not in a great place at the moment as I’m pressured at both work and home, but also don’t want to make any rash decisions if my marriage is shaky it seems foolish to reduce a source of income.

So would you go from 0.6 to 0.4? The reason I’m confused is because generally teaching is fairly inflexible beyond the fifths split like above; you generally can’t spread your hours over less days or whatever because we aren’t paid hourly if that makes sense? Unless you’re in an independent school I guess! I don’t know what the answer is really but surely lots of working parents have this problem and resort to using more childcare? I think not liking your children in full time childcare or whatever it would be really is a luxury you don’t have the option of since you can neither afford to drop days nor have a husband who’s willing to split the load more equally

Just to check - you mentioned no breakfast club that works, but what about after school? No club for that either? So if the timetable allowed you to start later (no first period lessons) but you could pick-up later from school & nursery would that work?

Ultimately OP it's up to you and your partner if you can afford this

After school isn’t too bad and I can work that, it’s before. After school is until 415. I finish at 3, so I can leave at half past and easily get to the school by 4.

A breather for a year when finances are tight is illogical- especially as your partner doesn’t support it.

@Iceache i know a few teachers (not independent) who do this. I suppose it must depend on how flexible or otherwise the school is and I suppose it’s different in primary.

He doesn’t really support it or otherwise @Poppins21 . It doesn’t really affect him either way; I’m the only one is affects.

Pool ALL the family money.....DH and yours and make sure you both have enough

I can’t see the issue here

Just reduce your hours and be done with it

You said it doesn’t affect him and you are doing all chores/working pt/managing the kids

Thanks, yeah, my main worry is potentially putting myself in a vulnerable position but I do think it is probably the best option.

He would never do this.

I think as other have said you need to have an honest and frank discussion about family finances. Good luck with whatever you decide.

Ah, OK. I thought you’d said you’d need to finish earlier too so both ends of the day shortened. Is there no way you can just not be timetabled on first period over your 3 days? Do you generally not have any free periods at all working just 3 days? Is there any possibility you could make up those periods on an extra half day, thus only need DD in nursery for an extra half day too?

Anybody who thinks you are a “bit leechy” is a nob head. The family is supported by paid and u paid work. It seems like your current paid work model makes your involvement in unpaid work very difficult. So reducing your paid hours seems logical but you need to discuss that with your partner.
The comment about it “not impacting him” is a problem as it is his family so it needs to impact him.

Bring him into the decision making process.

That's ridiculous that he would rather see his wife and children suffer and keep pocketing his own money..that's not a marriage. Tbh you say your be better if you split - Id be looking at that route unless he is prepared to actually be a team! That's what marriage and being parents is about!

I thought you'd say that

And THERE is the issue imo

YOU do all the juggling and it's better for the children if you work fewer hours for a while

But HE won't help you financially

What is the answer (my answer is to get rid of him)

If you worked full time would you earn more than your husband?

It’s not potentially putting yourself in a vulnerable position, it is absolutely putting yourself in a vulnerable position, as you’re also sacrificing long-term pension etc and are at risk of going into debt if you’re covering all childcare and family food and children’s expenses on a reduced income.

BUT. You’re doing it with your eyes wide open. So you just need to convince yourself it’s worth these sacrifices, over tackling the inequality with a series of rows or whatever.

If you’re already rowing over money, though … ?

@NoSquirrels i think this is where I’m being a bit selfish. So if I was to drop a day, five hours, I’d start an hour later 3 days a week so 3 hours. I could just keep it like that. But I could also drop the remaining two hours and finish early two days a week. It would mean DS only had to do one day after school club. But also mean I could go home at half one, start the dinner. Do some housework, keep on top of things a bit more. Then go to get children.

It kind of feels worth it for the sake of two hours a week. Maybe that is selfish though.

I think the thing I’ve come to realise over the last few months is DH won’t change on this, I can’t change him, I can only change me. So I have to work out what’s best and affordable for me, if that makes sense.

No, if I was full time I’d be on just under £50,000.

Oh wont share his money and make it a family pot. So the only fair way to rectify things is to charge him for the things you are doing when you aren't able to work - childcare, cooking, housework etc.

But I expect he wouldn't pay. Which leads me to think you're not in a suppprtivr marriage but two people living together but fending for yourselves.

Can this change?

I don’t think it can. And yes - I do just sort of consider things in the context on my own.

Sounds luck you aren’t in a genuine partnership sadly.

Sounds like financially coercive behaviour then. Are there any other forms of abusive or controlling behaviour?

If your marriage is shaky you need to make sure you are earning enough to keep you and DC, and that you can do the school run and work. Don’t leave yourself relying on him for help.