To go part time when finances aren’t great?

[iwanttoworktwodays]

There’s a long and complex back story here and so if I miss some information out it isn’t intentional.

I currently work three days a week, I want to reduce this to two, but still spread over three days - starting later and finishing earlier. This is mostly to allow me to do school drop offs and pick ups when my child starts school in September. It all falls on me, and although there is wraparound available it only starts at 8, my work starts at 820 and it’s a bit too tight. (There aren’t any childminders attached to the school.) So one way or another I have to be PT.

The problem is financially things aren’t great, it’s definitely the biggest source of tension in the house at the moment.

I have to admit I’m a bit torn with what to do. I’m not in a great place at the moment as I’m pressured at both work and home, but also don’t want to make any rash decisions if my marriage is shaky it seems foolish to reduce a source of income.

Well, I’m not actually, but I honestly don’t understand why it’s bothering you so much I’ve posted before (and may, gasp, post again.)

I also don’t understand the need to announce one’s departure: it’s hardly that you’ve posted such thought provoking and helpful answers that I’ll be upset by that!

Some posters have been helpful, even though I don’t necessarily agree with them about everything. I have genuinely valued this thread and found it exceptionally helpful, even if nothings changed outwardly it has inwardly.

@JHound yes, to an extent, I do think this is what has happened!

I feel for u OP but you are already working PT and have school hols off so are already in a better position than most. Please forgive me if I appear harsh, I totally sympathise with your challenges. I raised my child as a single parent so I had no choice other than work FT (didn't want the benefits route) and more to keep the boat afloat.
Hope you are able to get to a position that works best for all

I’m still just not clear whether you are, or aren’t, on the verge of bankruptcy.

I get that you have a mortgage, normal bills, cars on finance, childcare expenses and some unexpected bills, but have you done a budget and worked out what is/ isn’t left at the end of the month? Because you have a healthy income. I’d say getting through most of your monthly income on daily life with maybe a few hundred going into savings, but then using some of those savings on things like holidays, car repairs, boiler breaks down is pretty normal for couples with young kids. I more or less ran our savings down on mat leave and we’re still building them back up TBH.

Would you say this is your position or are you getting red bills, missing mortgage payments, being turned down for credit, borrowing money from family, unauthorised overdraft etc? It’s really difficult to tell and I think the context could be useful.

are you getting red bills no

missing mortgage payments no

being turned down for credit Yes and no. We have a lot of loans (I’m saying we but they’re in DHs name) and he is at his borrowing limit I’d say. So this is stressing him out considerably.

borrowing money from family no

unauthorised overdraft no

DH is convinced we’re on the verge of bankruptcy because during my second maternity leave he was having to pay for things which meant we were for a while in a position where more was going out than coming in. He sold a car, was given some money back a friend owed him and now keeps repeating over and over that we are ‘out of lifelines.’

We have assets so bankruptcy won’t be happening.

In the interest of fairness his brother has spent his life in debt despite earning a good salary and it’s marred his kids childhood somewhat.

It isn’t all doom and gloom. But I do need to be strategic about this.

I can’t get DS to school and get to work on time myself if my working hours stay the same. I am considering asking for 0.5 so in effect dropping two hours so that I can start an hour later let’s say Monday and Thursday. Tuesday and Wednesdays are my days off. Then on Friday traffic tends to be a bit lighter and although I’ll arrive at school on time by the skin of my teeth it is only once a week and should be manageable. This is what I’m currently leaning towards.

why doesn't DH do drop offs and you pick up - or just split with responsibility on different days?

Because firstly he isn’t around. When he’s in the office he leaves at 7am (breakfast club starts at 8) and is back by 7pm and obviously no after school club is open then. But even on the odd days he WFH it isn’t reliably doing so, in other words it’s not a set day a week or anything like that.

I'd just drop the two hours - good decision. It sounds to me as though there are some reasons to be worried about money but that your dh overall isn't coping with the stress and is resorting to controlling behaviour due to that.

I'd try and get him to do things to manage his stress levels urgently.

You're right, you are in a pinch point with two smallish children, heavy childcare costs and heavy mental load.

I wonder if your dh should go get some free financial advice from debt charity, CAB or bank and you make a plan for the next couple of years so that he feels there is a plan?

What does "a lot of loans" look like?

How much of DH pay is going on that?

Sounds like a priority to sort out as even if they're in his name they're likely would be split in a divorce. So paying them off asap is in everyone's interests. Maybe there is more than you think and that's what's stressing him out