To go part time when finances aren’t great?

[iwanttoworktwodays]

There’s a long and complex back story here and so if I miss some information out it isn’t intentional.

I currently work three days a week, I want to reduce this to two, but still spread over three days - starting later and finishing earlier. This is mostly to allow me to do school drop offs and pick ups when my child starts school in September. It all falls on me, and although there is wraparound available it only starts at 8, my work starts at 820 and it’s a bit too tight. (There aren’t any childminders attached to the school.) So one way or another I have to be PT.

The problem is financially things aren’t great, it’s definitely the biggest source of tension in the house at the moment.

I have to admit I’m a bit torn with what to do. I’m not in a great place at the moment as I’m pressured at both work and home, but also don’t want to make any rash decisions if my marriage is shaky it seems foolish to reduce a source of income.

@iwanttoworktwodays have you had a serious conversation with your DH about this? Weighed up the pros and cons between you? Tried to think of a workable solution?

I ask because this is the third (at least) thread you've had about reducing your hours in one way or another. It's obviously playing on your mind a lot but you don't seem to be able to see your options clearly and logically.

In every thread you've had one the past few weeks it's been clear that you really want to reduce your hours and are hoping MN can come up with a good case that you can put to your DH.

You're going round in circles. I hope you can find a solution between you that either meets your wants or that you are able to accept as the best option.

This is a bad set-up. It should be a family decision on the money front and on the childcare logistics and working patterns front. All of the downsides of everything on you is a bad place to be.

OTOH it makes the decision-making clear cut for you - your DH doesn’t really have a say if financially you’re the one bearing the brunt of the change.

I don’t really understand how you can be a teacher yet spread your hours in that way? Can you find a childminder or wraparound care that will enable you to leave earlier? Breakfast club beginning at 8am would have been a deal breaker for us really and we’d have had to adjust our school choices. The way I see it is you really have the luxury of being picky if money is too tight. You’d probably be better earning more and then perhaps moving your children into a better school at some point.

Oh I see, thanks.

What does your DH think should happen?

Does he believe the other primary school options are a more acceptable choice than reducing family income?

It’s definitely preying on my mind @Gazelda . I just need to kind of talk it through I guess. But no, there’s no point talking to DH about it. Even in an otherwise perfect marriage the drop offs and pick ups are on me. But to be honest if it’s annoying you (and totally fair enough if it is!) just maybe don’t comment?

@Iceache it’s easy enough, I’m just not timetabled to work period one or period five.

No - he’s definitely of the opinion the school we’ve put down is the best choice.

How long would your 2yo be at nursery for ?

I mean how many hours per day?

Then he has to agree to you being 2 days, if he cannot help with pick-up and drop-off logistics and there’s definitely no other external option.

So your discussions need to be about family finances and how they’re organised.

Well, probably be roughly 8-4. But I have to pay for a full day regardless of how many hours she does if you see what I mean.

School run logistics shouldn't be only yours to manage. In particular, if you do end up having to drop hours because there's no other way, the financial burden shouldn't fall on you only.

does your partner also have the option to reduce because they feel burnt out or are they going to have to shoulder more of the burden?

What burden do you think they are shouldering @Brefugee ?

Because to be honest if he did want to go part time, that would be fine. Not a problem, it wouldn’t be easy logistically but that’s for his work to organise.

But realistically, it is and it will. I think this is where the posts making out I am just a bit leechy are not really fair.

Seems like the choices are:

DS goes to top-pick school, DD stays same hours at nursery, you earn less doing 2 days hours over 3 days.

DS goes to top-pick school, DD does more hours at nursery and you earn the same doing 3 days over 4.

DS goes to worse school, everything else stays the same for DD and you.

If your DH can’t/wont be part of the solution logistically, and wants the same thing for the DC you do (fewer hours at nursery for DD and best school for DS), then you’re only left with the less family income scenario, aren’t you?

So he’ll need to take on paying for some more of the food bill or children’s expenses, I guess.

if you earn less the partner has to earn more. I would have thought a teacher could work that out?
When i was the main earner, my DH changed jobs because he didn't like his boss. He was out of work for a week waiting to start the new one. I was already overworked and under massive stress. I would have LOVED to reduce my hours, but a decision made without my input meant i couldn't. I did say that if he did that again i would just quit my job and check myself into a clinic and someone else could take the strain of paying the mortgage.

So: in other words, you have a household and children and financial decisions need to be made by all. If you change your hours with no cost, no issue is there?

Yes that’s right @NoSquirrels and thanks for putting it clearly like that! I think the issue is I’ll have more money (due to a reduction of childcare fees) but also less money, if I reduce my hours.

Yes, anyone who thinks you're being leechy here is a twat.

If there really is no other option, what will happen if you make this point to your DH and explain that he'll need to take his part in belt tightening, if he isn't going to do 50% of the school runs?

It isn’t that simple @Brefugee . I mean yes I could work FT and I did at first, but it’s not really great for the children (I’m honestly not trying to give anybody a hard time there but my personal preference would not for them to be in childcare five days a week.) And it isn’t like a seesaw where I do more work so DH does more at home, it just meant I was literally doing everything!

This isn’t totally DHs fault, he works away and long hours. This predated children before anyone has a go at me. But there isn’t really a way round this.

So as it is DH works full time and earns a certain amount and this would be true however much or little I do if that makes sense. The only one it impacts really is me.

Does it net out to the same as now?

I’m not sure because I’m not sure what my take home pay would be on two days a week. I think about £1500. DD is currently about £450 for three days a week, with fifteen funded hours. So not sure what that is with thirty.

DH works full time and earns a certain amount and this would be true however much or little I do if that makes sense. The only one it impacts really is me.

It shouldn’t be this way. You are a family. It should impact the family finances, not just your finances.

Sorry to bang on, I know you say it’s not going to change but … it should, you know? The set up now is unfair on you in all aspects - emotional, financial, practical.

Anyway, if he won’t/can’t change at all, do what makes you feel best and refuse any discussion with him about any downside, I guess?

Well if finances are already stretched it seems like a bad idea. What does your partner think? If the length of days is the problem why not do four or five shorter days. You could do 9-2 five days or fit your current hours into five days.

I know but it won’t, and I have to work with the reality of what I have, if you see what I mean.