Ick of Christmas present from Dp

[DivaORJustified]

Usually Dp give each other a wish list of specific items or vague items like earrings so the other can choose.
Was really happy with the earrings he brought be, they were under stated but very elegant, exactly what I would chose. On Boxing Day when we had his dc under 10, one of his daughters presents was exact same pair of earrings in gold instead of rose gold. Am I right to feel upset about it as it doesn’t feel like a romantic or thoughtful gift anymore. Happy for opinions no matter how harsh. Thank you

Why not just ask who’s paying?

Just replying saying "thanks for the link - what's my budget?"

Pick some, send him your choices and absolutely assume he is paying.. Or your gift is also a gift to himself... Don't use the link at all.

“Thanks for the link, I’ll have the full body massage and the facial please”.

@WickedlyCharmed I wish I consulted this thread at the time. Time has lapsed now and I stupidly called hotel and they’ve sent me link to pay ( and he knows this). I feel pretty shit. I thought this was to make up for the earrings. He re brought be a pair that were horrible and not to my taste so he said he’d tried and I could go without.

So no Christmas gift and pay your own v day treat? Hell op get rid!!

I wouldn't mind at all, I'd think it was nice to bond with SD over them

Bonding over a pair of earrings? Really? How exactly?

Honestly OP, not one bit surprised.
You have remained housing this tight loser, as his skivvy aupair.

Why do you continue to do this?
He thinks you are desperate.

Do not book and pay for anything.
Help this mean fxxker pack and get the hell out of your home.

YOU are wasting YOUR time being USED.

Yes I am honestly feeling this right now .

It’s just a half gesture and I’ve had to take annual leave off for it. He doesn’t understand what he’s done wrong, he keeps coming up to me to hug me and kiss me and when I asked why he’s doing this he said it’s because he loves me. I just think it’s like taking a child to a seer shop and buying them no sweets. Feel it’s a waste of time. Honestly my contacts this told him they had heavily discounted work out of respect for me. He’s thanked me for it but at least treat me to something I deserve. I don’t really want to blow up on him tonight.

• sweet shop

You are completely justified in feeling as you do.

He's a knob.

Just tell him to have a nice time at the spa all by himself because you're feeling too sickened to accompany him, and when he's gone, pack his stuff.

Right, so forward him on the link to pay for the treatment then, with a "thanks so much for this, I'm really looking forward to it"

Look: fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice? Shame on me.

This jerk has shown you who he is. This was his “makeup” event for the Christmas fuckup. And he expects you to pay for it? Come on!

Why are you still with someone this cheap and indifferent to you? You aren’t married and I think you don’t share any children. Just walk away. You deserve more.

So he’s paying for the spa break (room and food) but you need to pay for treatments? Depending on how expensive the spa is, I’m not sure he’s done anything wrong. Perhaps he was taken aback by the price of spa packages?

I've been reading your posts since 'the earrings' and although I didn't post I agreed with you that he was thoughtless in not keeping them especially just for you.
This Spa event seems equally thoughtless. How on earth can he think it's acceptable for you to pay for your own treatment - that is part and parcel of the whole treat!
I think you should ask him so that there is no misunderstanding (even though it seems obvious) - is he expecting you to pay for your treatment(s).
If he says yes, I would ask him "in what possible universe is that romantic, makes up for the earrings, shows any thoughtfulness?"
God he's really messing up isn't he?

I wouldn't have had an issue with the earrings, but if he's expecting you to pay for all your own spa treatments on a spa trip that's meant to be a present to you, that's stingy. Has he confirmed that's his idea of what's happening?

Apparently of course he was paying for the treatment but I would have expected him to say something like this is my treat to you ect. Not sure if I’m going mad or unreasonable but he could have made it alot nicer for me then me having to ask. I even called the spa to get a cheaper facial as thought prices too much and if I was paying too. Ended in arguement tonight 😔 going yo shower and sleep, don’t have the energy for all this.

You don’t trust him, or respect him, at this point and he doesn’t like you enough to think of how to make a good repair in the relationship. This is either really poor communication on both your sides or just something that won’t be fixed. Because neither of you knows how to create safety and intimacy within this fragile, frigid, system.

@pikkumyy77 i do feel communication is a big issue here.

I've actually just gone back and read the previous palaver over the earrings. I don't quite get this bit you've written today:

"I thought this was to make up for the earrings. He re brought be a pair that were horrible and not to my taste so he said he’d tried and I could go without."

So wait, you're saying that you didn't like it that he bought you the same earrings as he bought his daughter for Christmas. So you discussed that as a couple and he then sent yours back and got some different ones for you, that you didn't like. He then told you you could go without then?

Somehow that got sorted and he's organised a Valentines Day spa break, sent you a link to choose a treatment (because what man would possibly know what you, of all the fussy people, would actually want). And you've got a titty lip about it?

You are hard work, woman.

BTW, what did YOU get him for Valentines Day? You do realise that Valentines Day is supposed to be for couples. Not a special day for the woman in the relationship? If he's not into spas himself, but he picked a spa break knowing YOU would like it, how is that selfish? Why didn't you discuss together and organise something you would BOTH enjoy? You know, as it is Valentines Day. For couples. You can go on a spa break with some girlfriends or female family members another time.

Have you ever tried being a bit less materialistic? True love isn't all about showering the other person with gifts and treats. You can make someone feel special and loved in other ways. You want HIM to be a mind-reader and know exactly what you want, and YOU are extra fussy over how you want to be pleased. How is that ever going to work? He will always feel like he's letting you down no matter what he does, leaving him feeling frustrated, inadequate (and no doubt bemused, most of the time). And you will never feel satisfied with what he does because your expectations that he should be pleasing you often with special gifts and treats that hit the mark 100% of the time, are, frankly, unrealistic to ask of any other human being.

Why don't you try taking the personal gifts and surprise treats out of the equation? What does your relationship look like then? Because if something happened and you were both still in this relationship but both penniless, could what you have together sustain you as a couple?

Thats him back tracking because he knows you are pissed off OP.

You are housing and skiving for this mean twat and his child.

He is trying to do the very least he can to just stay on the right side of housing.

This is your life for as long as you refuse to admit the truth to yourself.

He is a cheap user.
You are 100% being used, as is your home.
You deserve so much better.

Unfortunately this is it until you recognise the fact.

This reply right after mine just goes to show that people who start threads on here asking for advice should take every reply with a pinch of salt, as we are all reading COMPLETELY different things about the same situation.

You do sound hard to please. You were unhappy with the first pair of earrings. You were unhappy with the second pair of earrings. He buys you a spa gift and has the good sense to let you choose what treatments to get because he probably knows he'd get it wrong, and you're unhappy again. Instead of just talking about these things like an adult, you behave like a petulant child by huffing and blaming him for not being a mind reader. Just leave him already. Your communication styles are not compatible.