To feel like people assume if you're wealthy, successful etc people assume you can't have problems?

[MyLilacGoose]

I had a very challenging childhood, NC with parents, suffer from depression for which I take medication for. Most people will respond to this with sympathy and kindness if they don't know anything else.

If people know I'm an attractive multimillionaire who married another attractive multimillionaire? Entitled, detached, you have no real problems etc. They don't always say it to your face but they regularly say it behind your back, and they don't realise they are no less privileged if they compare themselves to those in the developing world i.e. most people.

One of my closest friends is even wealthier but came from a very elite background and had it far worse yet gets even less sympathy because she was born rich and she obviously isn't going to go around explaining the painful details. You can tell it bothers her as well.

AIBU?
Edit: sorry about the poorly worded title.

Who is ‘regularly saying it behind your back’?

Money buys options. This affords far greater freedom than those who are trapped in unfavourable circumstances.

A beautiful millionaire has more agency.

I don't really understand what this post is sbout though...

You see it on mumsnet or other forums. Famous person is experiencing MH problems in news, it gets posted and all sorts of nasty things get said.

Obviously I'm not always aware when people say this stuff about me and I rarely open up to friends, but I know if I did open up to people more this is what would happen.

You can have problems, but they arent to the extent of worrying about feeding your children or keeping the house warm. The basics of living. Money does mean that many of your problems can be solved?
And its absolutely tone deaf of you and yout friend to be bothered that you don't get sympathy.

I also have money, and I think it’s broadly more difficult to have persistent problems when you have the money and means to be able to do something about them. I don’t have a lot of time generally for adults whinging about fairly mediocre shit that happened when they were children anyway, but even less so for people who can buy the world’s best therapy to help them through it. I suspect a lot of people feel likewise. If you regularly complain about stuff to friends who have many of your problems plus ones they can’t buy their way out of, you’re going to come across as tone deaf.

There is no freedom or escape if your mind is completely fucked, which mine is.

It's different to financial poverty but no less awful.

I don’t think wealthy successful people don’t have problems. I think they have some of the same problems as everyone else but the money gives them access to more solutions. I think it’s easier to be depressed and not have to worry about how you’re going to feed your kids and keep them warm than it is to be depressed and also have those worries on top.

So no one that you know of is in fact saying that attractive millionaires have no problems, either behind your back or to your face?

I think that you’ve just proved the opposite of the point you thought you were making — this post suggests your problems are trivial and/or imaginary.

I agree with you op. I had a very difficult childhood but we were relatively well off (not millionaire level!) went to private school and had a nice big house...so yep, no sympathy from many!

I get it, OP. I'm paraphrasing something I read on here once - some people might be 200 metres underwater, but you're still drowning if you're 2 metres underwater. I don't think anyone's life is perfect and some rich people do have horrendous problems -
some things can be fixed/eased with money but not everything.

It’s probably more they assume that having the same problems as poorer people doesn’t have quite the same magnitude on every other aspect of your life when you have the comfort of great wealth, and they would be correct really. For example if the problem is because you have so little money you are going to be homeless on Monday morning, a multimillionaire isn’t going to be feeling that one quite the same way because their wealth gives them options other people may not have.

I grew up in poverty and have had NC with parents since 18 so obviously I know what it is like to be poor.

I personally found it extremely easy to escape poverty vs trauma of childhood abuse though I am not the one going around judging people for struggling to escape poverty, I know everyone has different luck, capability etc and that it is difficult for many.

I think you are being extremely harsh towards my friend and I don't want to post the details here but many people who experienced the same things would be completely dysfunctional or have taken their own lives.

I'm sure your mind isn't. Your wealth will ensure you are well insulated from the worst outcomes of poor mental health. Sympathy won't heal you or fix anything. You have choices which could improve your state of mind.

Of course rich people have problems. Being rich doesn't make you exempt from mental health problems, bereavement and ill health. However, it makes it significantly easier to cope and manage with those issues. Affording the luxury of time off, space to clear your head, top quality diet, private treatments/therapies, expensive supplements, the luxury of being able to focus on overcoming your issues without the worries of meeting bills and needing to work all hours.

Doesn't mean i don't have sympathy for rich people's having issues, just i think money is a huge safety net and cushion that many don't have.

We are v wealthy and have friends in a similar position and honestly it drives me nuts when they constantly complain about stuff. I’m like do you realise how lucky you are .. some people have seriously shit lives with the worst luck. Money doesn’t solve all problems but it makes life 99.9% better. I understand why you would want sympathy op but the reality is you are probably looking for it from people who have equal or more problems but they have no money so you are never going to get it 🤷‍♀️

I get this, I grew up in a household with domestic violence and a parent who died from substance abuse. But we had money and went to private school.

Having a safe and loving home is a kind of privilege that not everyone gets to enjoy, regardless of wealth.

But presumably you can pay for doctors/therapists/medications/retreats or inpatient stays that could help?

Im not saying I disagree with you btw. But there’s two sides to the coin. We have very wealthy family members. For some of them (younger gen) their problems are 100% caused by having too much money - they have no drive, no reason to get out of bed in the morning, they spend their time dreaming up new illnesses. One has a gambling problem and keeps being bailed out. For some of them, they have issues (physical) that could have been helped by all the time and money they have and having avoided the issues for years instead of throwing money at it eg with dieticians and personal trainers etc the chickens have now sadly come home to roost and are causing real issues with health that are not so easy to fix. I have limited sympathy in both those cases.

However some of those family members having undergone real and serious stuff that money cannot fix - real health issues, sudden bereavement - that no amount of money can change.

I guess the point of most posters is that a lot of people have to struggle with mental/physical illness on top of money issues and in fact the mental/physical illness can often increase the likelihood of money issues because you can’t work. Or you have to work so hard to put food on the table and keep the lights on you don’t have the time to deal with the medical issues, which can make them worse.

Literally every wealthy person knows you experience jealousy/crabs in bucket in the UK.

I heard people say stuff like this about wealthy people all the time when growing up so it doesn't take Einstein to work out people will be saying the same thing about me now and of course I hear thinly veiled jealousy/nastiness quite a bit irl.

I actually grew up very poor so I at least get some sympathy for that as if it was the poverty that made my life awful and not the fact my parents were abusive.

I know it doesn't mean much, but you have my sympathy haha.

People who have similar challenges but less money can't pay for professional help or adaptations so yes you will get less sympathy. Having a fairly crappy childhood and having depression is pretty commonplace plus it kind of depends on how else you live your life, if you are commenting before Christmas that your upbringing wasn't good so you cut off your parents but are about to jet off to the Caribbean business class whereas they had an ok but poor (economically speaking) childhood and are struggling caring for elderly parents who can't afford good quality professional care you are unlikely to get sympathy, in the moment they are struggling and money really dies smooth over many of life's problems

This, really.

I'm sorry about your parents - mine were the same. I grew up in poverty with physically and emotionally abusive parents and was forced to leave at 16 so slept outside for a few months. I've had no contact with either parent since, nor my sisters, who I fought to go into care so they didn't have the childhood that I did.

If you can look at it from a detached point of view, you must see that you have greater options? You likely don't have to work; even if you chose to. You have money for endless amounts of therapy. You can try lots of different activities to make new friends, which you may need! You can leave the UK, if you want to.

I'm not at all saying that your money means you don't have problems, but the money means the problems are largely solvable to a much greater degree than they would be if you didn't have it.

If it helps, @Comedycook, I often feel very sorry for you, based on your posts on here.

I agree with you op, and I'm not rich. Money and therapy don't magically restore you're childhood to a healthy one or undue abuse. Your brain had developed in a certain way. Also, money can actually harm relationships and make it harder for you to discern who is genuine or who is using you.

There can actually be a lowering of happiness level after a certain amount of wealth. Wealthy people may have less of a sense of community as they don't have to rely on one another as they can just pay people to help them.

I get what you're trying to say but none of that stuff you've mentioned compares to having loving or even just half decent parents. Ask random people in the street if they'd rather have that or see their mother again and they'll overwhelmingly pick mother.