To feel like people assume if you're wealthy, successful etc people assume you can't have problems?

[MyLilacGoose]

I had a very challenging childhood, NC with parents, suffer from depression for which I take medication for. Most people will respond to this with sympathy and kindness if they don't know anything else.

If people know I'm an attractive multimillionaire who married another attractive multimillionaire? Entitled, detached, you have no real problems etc. They don't always say it to your face but they regularly say it behind your back, and they don't realise they are no less privileged if they compare themselves to those in the developing world i.e. most people.

One of my closest friends is even wealthier but came from a very elite background and had it far worse yet gets even less sympathy because she was born rich and she obviously isn't going to go around explaining the painful details. You can tell it bothers her as well.

AIBU?
Edit: sorry about the poorly worded title.

My response is likely to be a mish mash of nonsense. Being financially comfortable is a lovely place to be. It means when your mental health is shot, you can afford lovely takeaways and a cleaner to do the things you aren't up to doing. It means you can hire childcare that means you can see a therapist, have the famed spa day that will solve all ills. For me, having a high earning husband means that I can afford things like carpet cleaners when my adult children pee everywhere as they are incontinent, that I can replace furniture as they pee on that too. Noones life is perfect, but money makes it easier

I understand what you mean. I completely have empathy for those who might be wealthy and seemingly ‘have it all’ when there’s actually a lot of pain, trauma and loneliness in their life. I know people in those circumstances but I think what makes it hard sometimes is they complain about things that seemingly don’t relate to the trauma/pain but perhaps are linked to it in some way. For example, one friend whose family relations are really quite messed up was complaining at length how she was ‘broke’ and that week had bought an iPad and expensive handbag. In some ways I really couldn’t understand this (and I know she regularly gets given large sums) but I thought it must be really about something else that’s manifesting as a feeling or lack. She clearly was upset/anxious about something. Anyway, just some thoughts.

Yeah, I don't think therapy is a magical fix but if you have money there are options to explore to try and help.

I have clearly said multiple times I don't think it is that easy to get out of poverty... I did find it very easy but I understand it is different for each person.

I didn't say it would be less painful. It is however, easier to deal with sadness when you don't have necessities to worry about on top.

You sound like a bit of a dick to be honest.

My parents are very wealthy. And to act like they've got the same difficulties in life as someone on an average wage is beyond stupid. Which is strange that you can't fathom that.

Yeah. They could get cancer like anyone else. But their private healthcare, not having to worry about money to buy food or losing jobs, no mortgage to try and cover, paying extra nurses to provide care? That's a different life to most people and actually insulting to act like the victim that people might think you've got it easier.

I dated a billionaire for a few years. Only possible because I moved in the circles provided by my parents, of polo circuits, skiing in the right places etc. It wasn't luck that our paths crossed. It was the result of having money and the circumstances and opportunity that provides.

I've had plenty of struggles. But I'm also attractive (let's not play faux naive and think the billionaire was solely after my personality) and had a life with parents with deep pockets. I know I've got away with loads of stuff because I'm "pretty". Well, got away with is probably the wrong phrasing, but so much in life is fickle and based on appearances, and I reaped the benefits of that.

I'm actually very LC with parents because DM is a bully, and very manipulative. It's affected my relationships, my whole life actually. It's a huge problem that I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. I had their money, but no support. Ended up with an abusive person because I didn't know what healthy boundaries looked like. So my life hasn't been all roses and skittles. But for every one person in my situation, there are a thousand who are dealing with all that shit and money struggles too. I have it far better than them. I find it really crass to insinuate otherwise.

Would I rather have a decent mother? Of course.

Have I come this far, that I just cope with the hand I've been dealt and appreciate the amazing things that I've experienced, that most people never will as a silver lining? Definitely.

As others have said, having money sure does help.
I'm not millionaire rich but own my own home mortgage free and have good savings. The freedom this gave me when I could afford to just not work for 6 months due to a breakdown is, for me, an example of how having money gives you choices.

You’ve got the money to get help for it all though

Sometimes when there is nothing else to worry about then people can start to dwell on other things.

I know a couple of women who don't work because their husbands are wealthy and they seem to be rather self absorbed and talk about their MH a lot more.

I think sometimes having nothing else to worry about can mean that a certain type of person will just find something to dwell on

You seem fixated on how others perceive you. I don’t understand why you’d want sympathy and pity from others, especially strangers. What’s important is that you have people in your life who support you and understand you. If you don’t, then this is where your focus should be, not lamenting your lack of pity from the wider population.

Everyone realises that wealthy people have problems, everyone realises that wealth doesn’t make you immune to the shit that life brings. However, if you’re going through a terrible life experience or tragedy, of course money makes it easier. A colleague who recently lost a child in a tragic accident was forced to come back to work before she was ready because our employer has limited sick pay and she has bills to pay. Someone who has been through the same tragedy but doesn’t need to return to work has more choices.

Agree. There average person in the west isn't at risk of being homeless on Monday (as a pp refered too) and has their basic needs met for food and shelter. However many people who suffered horrific sa abuse as a child (I'm refering to a documentary on Irish school abuse survivors who had high suicide rates in their sixties or seventies. They still hadn't recovered after decades. They weren't necessarily rich but at least many of them would have had their basic needs met.). Having more money doesn't necessarily move the needle that much above the average joe, yet they won't get the sympathy that the average person would get.

I don’t really understand what point you’re driving at here? All the comparisons (a large portion of which apparently don’t even exist outside your head?) are toxic and a previous poster was correct that generally few people care enough about other people’s problems that they will spend time taking anything into account.

general life is undoubtedly easier with money. Complex backgrounds and mental health issues affect anybody and everybody equally.

Tbh, you seem to be the only one with a hang up about your appearance and financial status affecting how your MH is treated which makes me suspect that you’re highly likely experiencing what the previous poster outlined and decided on what was to blame.

You are not a millionaire op.

Your statement lacks credibility and is incredibly generalising.

Many people, rich and poor have poor mental health.

It is true that those who have more money have access to superior services.

I was listening to a YouTuber called "the financial diet" who sometimes talks about aspects of wealth. One of her guests was talking about the sense of community when she lived in a mixed or lower income neighborhood, compared to a rich neighborhood where people were in her opinion more isolated. She said she'd never live in a rich neighborhood again. Another interview I was reading the subject commented that their rich neighbors seemed more stressed.

Don't get me wrong, I'd love to have enough money to provide a lot of security for my kid and wider family members eventually, and live to a high standard, which we do. However it's not always 100 percent pros and no cons. A lot of people who come from a poorer background and become wealthy (athletes, lotto winners) loose it all quickly, in part bc everyone around them sees them as an ATM. I'm also more comfortable having other kids visit our average size house, than have a lovely kid in my kid's class who aren't as well off and live in an apartment, then if we lived in a mansion with a gate. It just seems like it would be harder to just have people visit casually, and I don't want that.

OP I work in child development and I understand. The damage which is done to children’s brains by abusive treatment in early life is not really talked about enough.
i hope that you are on your way to finding peace. I do wonder if some of the anger you feel at what you perceive to be a lack of sympathy is also stemming from parents who didn’t keep you safe or meet your emotional needs.
wealth is not a buffer against that kind of damage.

You seem fixated on how others perceive you. I don’t understand why you’d want sympathy and pity from others, especially strangers.

Maybe this is the root of the problem: some people who are wealthy and successful become used to people around them “seeing” them at some level, to being of some importance when they walk into a room - and it comes as a bit of a shock to realise that outside of that narrow aspect of their life that a few people involved in are interested in, people who don’t know them don’t think or care much about them and aren’t interested in investing the time to find out.

Of course the rich have problems.

But not the same teeth grinding worry about paying the rent or the gas bill.

Sorry. My sympathies lie more with those kinds of problem.

Dunno I agree that financial stability,or way beyond that equates to not having problems.
Definitely financial insecurity, difficulty, poverty does nothing to make them any easier
It's not really comparable. If you can afford therapy your always in a better position

There's a saying about wealth buying a comfortable standard of misery.

A lot of people's problems and unhappiness is due to their family or relationships . Who are often in the same wealth bracket as they are.

I may sound overly defensive here, but I don't think that op is being a dick? They aren't saying anything mean or nasty to anyone else.

But so what if they don't appreciate it. I mean, you do you. You walk the path at your own feet, as others have to. You're giving way too much headspace to what you seem to think of as other people's failure to appreciate how hard you have it. This makes you sound like someone who is primarily concerned with her image.

I think this thread proves your point OP.

At least on Mumsnet daring to complain about any real problems you have is a crime if you're not struggling financially. The middle class and the wealthy are quite vilified.

I don't think you sound defensive. I think it's pretty clear why OP sounds like a dick though. Absolutely adamant that her life is no easier because of money. It's "just as hard, but in a different way" she says. And it's that, which virtually no one agrees with, yet OP thinks people should, which is why she is the way she is.

To me, it reads that OP struggles with friends, and fitting in, in general. And it's clearly because everyone is jealous, because everyone talks badly about beautiful millionaires. She's a big victim in her own eyes. Not to say she's not any kind of victim to anything, but she thinks she's got it so hard. And she simply hasn't.

Like I said, for every one person in OP's situation, there will be a thousand who are in the identical situation and crippled with money worries. Of course she has it easier. Just like me. Except I can admit it.

I think I see what you mean.
Child abuse is child abuse - if a child is abused it does not matter a white if the person abusing them is rich or poor, living on a castle or a sink estate. The child as an under 18 has no money, little voice and is under the control of the adult world.

People tend to have sympathy for the visible disadvantaged - the dirt poor, the child in rags.
Just as a alcoholic can be guzzling Buckfast or cheap cider and it's "poor victim", the person guzzling gin or brandy is just as much an alcoholic but the response is different.

But the OP isn't posting about any kind of real problem. She's posting to complain that other people may think she doesn't have any. That seems to be what bothers her. And it's entirely trivial. She can't control other people's perception of her, but wants to.