To feel like people assume if you're wealthy, successful etc people assume you can't have problems?

[MyLilacGoose]

I had a very challenging childhood, NC with parents, suffer from depression for which I take medication for. Most people will respond to this with sympathy and kindness if they don't know anything else.

If people know I'm an attractive multimillionaire who married another attractive multimillionaire? Entitled, detached, you have no real problems etc. They don't always say it to your face but they regularly say it behind your back, and they don't realise they are no less privileged if they compare themselves to those in the developing world i.e. most people.

One of my closest friends is even wealthier but came from a very elite background and had it far worse yet gets even less sympathy because she was born rich and she obviously isn't going to go around explaining the painful details. You can tell it bothers her as well.

AIBU?
Edit: sorry about the poorly worded title.

I agree that people think wealthy folks have no troubles and to a point they kind of are because a lot of problems link to poverty or gaining weight fot example but if you manage to still be or become wealthy and still keep a decent figure it shows you have more options and have escaped less scathed than others. You have more options to get help and to cope than a poor persob with the same problems so no i do not think rich people have no problems but their personal problems are less catastrophical than the same to poor people because they can mitigate a lot of the side effects thanks to their money and resources ie post natal depression but have money for private therapy and nannies to pick up the slack and keep the kids well and 'spa days' and running off to second third and fourth holiday homes for a change of scenary. If you're poor with post natal dression it's far worse for everyone.
If you choose to not get help that you know you can afford then that is on you and to pretend that you suffer just as much as a poor person is insulting.

My diamond shoes are too tight.

Honestly, if someone in a lambourghini tried to tell me about their problems, I would find it hard to have sympathy for them 😄😄

That's just the way life is

This is very true.

But equally, people with money can still have problems. Grief, childhood trauma, mental illness etc can affect anyone.

That said, obviously any problems you have would be worse if you were also poor.

Money can obviously make life easier/better in some ways, that's no secret! However after a certain amount the benefits to happiness stop increasing proportionally. Their has actually been scientific study done on this including dollar amounts. Someone who had a healthy upbringing and enough money to have a decent quality of life will often be better off than someone who had a terrible upbringing but is rich.

When somebody is dealing with the effects of childhood abuse and struggles every day to keep a roof over their head and food on the table with no possible hint of things ever getting better, it's hard to see how somebody with millions can have an understanding of what that is like, as their practical problems - housing, food, clothing, medical treatment, housework, shopping, cooking, cleaning - are fairly non-existent.

It's trauma + survival that they're fighting every day they force themselves out of an uncomfortable bed in a cold, cramped flat in a shitty area for a monthly income you'd probably make in about two minutes. Not 'just' having no family or sense of emotional security.

In short, it's a damn sight easier to be miserable when all your physical needs are taken care of. You're still miserable, but at least you're miserable in comfort.

But then you don't have understanding or sympathy bc money. So in that respect it's worse. People have less understanding for you're loss, as your comment shows. Who cares if you can afford an expensive car, it's not a subsitute for having a family. Lonliness is bad for your health.

There are people where their childhood trauma as caused them to completely breakdown as a person:
Become 500lb heavy
Become a sex worker
Become addicted
Become homeless
Lose their kids
Get in prison

Someone with money might:
Have weightloss surgery or injections or extensive therapy and medication
Rehab for any addictions or at least better quality drugs and dealers with less bad consequences
Finances to hire lawyers if you get into trouble
Own money to work if desired rather than be tarred by criminal record
Kids custody hopefully not lost due to hired help, cleaners and nannies to show kids are taken care of
Can afford rehab and addiction treatments or harm minimisation with paid staff, homes big enough to hideaway, can even check kids into boarding school.

You cannot convince us that you suffer the effects of a personal problem as much as a poor person.

OP if you want to discuss what you have tried and what you might still try for the depression feel free to PM me. Over 20 years experience.

We can all have problems

a person suffering is a person suffering regardless of wealth - No?

Yes there are definitely people who think money can cure all ills and people have no right to complain if they are rich .

Some people have absolutely nothing - shit childhoods, poor health, unhappy life, and no money.
I think if you’ve had any of the above in the positive - good childhood, good health, happy life and/or rich then you have more than a lot of people.
Especially being rich, it buys you options that poor people just don’t have.

I think though, I’d you can afford therapy and have options available because there is money there to pay for help, it does make a big difference. I’m not saying it’s any easier to deal with issues but there are avenues available to try that aren’t available to people who have not financial means to pay for them. That’s in no way saying that your problems don’t matter, of course they do. If everything gets too much it’s the difference between being able to get away from it all for a weekend and having to resort to a bottle of vodka and there really is a big difference in having those options available. Again, it doesn’t always feel like that when you’re in the midst of it so I really do understand that. It’s just an outside perspective and I in no way think life is blessed just because someone is attractive or rich etc. it’s just that money can buy you help.

When that child grows up if they're a millionaire they can afford therapy and the best psychiatric care. They can afford home help. They don't have to do their own laundry or life admin. They can cut off their parents. They can move to another continent if they want to.

A poor person does not have those options. They might be in social housing, and therefore have to stay where they are told in unsuitable or unsafe accomodation. They are at the mercy of the NHS for getting any kind of therapy, which might be 6 sessions of counseling after a 3 year wait when actually they might need 12 sessions of trauma therapy at £100 per session which they have as much chance of paying for themselves as they do of flying to the moon. They might have failed their GCSEs, and end up working whatever minimum wage job they can get. They might be unable to move away from the people who abused them, and end up as carers for their elderly parents and never get free of it.

I'm not sure why op is looking to poor people to give her sympathy. Poor people are too busy trying to survive to give much thought to millionaire's personal problems, which can be helped very easily because they have lots and lots of money and time to dedicate to working through it.

Forgive me if my post isn't very sympathetic. I am disabled, have disabled children, earn just over minimum wage, have no family help or childcare and we are only just about making ends meet. Millionaires mental health needs aren't on my radar.

They can complain about it, but they should choose their audience carefully.

That's a really simplistic view.

Pick a happy, healthy family, or an £80k car is pretty dumb. That's not what this is about.

It's:

I had an alcoholic father and all that entails. I have a low paid job, can't afford to move out of the rental trap, will never own a house or leave anything to my children. I have poor teeth because I can't afford decent dentistry. I have a bad back which the NHS isn't interested in. My home is cold because the heating bills are too much. My car has just broken down and my credit card is at it's limit so I'm going to fall behind on my rent for the third month now and my landlord will start proceedings.

Vs.

I had an alcoholic father and all that entails. I have regular private therapy to help with that. I now live in a beautiful large house with no mortgage and my children will have huge inheritances. They attend private school, meeting peers and making connections that will further their lives too. My perfect teeth don't hurt and are maintained by my private dentist, and I don't even need my private doctors for my bad back because I'm using a brilliant chiropractor weekly. My home is cold, because I've turned the heating off while I currently relax with my multi millionaire husband on our fourth holiday this year. My car has broken down, so I've dropped that off and I'm using my other car.

Then pretending that if you removed the part about the alcoholic father from the first person, that the second person's life is "just as hard, in a different way".

I’d rather be rich with problems than poor with them 🤷🏻‍♀️

I’m not sure this is true. It’s a well worn trope that people in the UK are jealous of wealthy people whereas in the US everyone thinks they’re superhuman.

I actually prefer the UK attitude, which is more a healthy cynicism towards wealthy people, rather than the US where they seem to think wealthy people are amazing and should be running the country ( Trump/Musk for example)

Lots of people who’ve been very driven or have chased financial security have been pretty fucked up/ endured awful childhoods - it’s what has spurred them on.

ive got a wealthy friend who had a lot of adverse childhood experiences and I have a lot of sympathy for her situation ( and I don’t think I’m alone in that).

but I think that she, like anyone who is financially comfortable ( and I’d include myself and most of my friends in that ) is relatively lucky. We are all fortunate that we can spend money on therapy without worrying about paying other bills. My own difficulties have been a lot easier to bear because I’ve had money to chuck at them. I can see that and I’m not a multi millionaire!

I don't think it's any more simplistic than you're response. Anyway, you can't send your kids to private school to meet other rich kids to allow them all to stay rich (not something that sounds very appealing to me) if you were never able to have the family you wanted in the first place, as is the case of the poster's aunt, which this was in response to.

The fact you don't think it's any more simplistic is an issue with your comprehension skills as opposed to the content. There's not much anyone else can do about that.

I was listening to YouTube interview about inhertocacry - and they did say on top of money there a solid family background inheritance - no divorces/blended families tensions to content with that is never really discussed or more nebulous parental/family support.

As Spike Milligan said money give better class of misery - but I think more accurately it gives you more options and reduces many of life stresses.

I'v never heard anyone deny that rich people can have serious problems - but they can buy more support which can mitigate many/some problems.

If the OP is correct why is there a phrase “money can’t buy you happiness”?

Im sure OP had had a tough time I have no reason to doubt her MH issues but she fails to recognise the privilege of her looks and wealth.

Her problems are pretty ordinary-difficult childhood, strained relationship with parents, the advantages life has given her are far from ordinary.

OP- if you need a sympathetic ear, there are plenty of boards on this forum that you could post your issues on and details of your childhood and people would engage and give you that. This wasn’t the way to go about it.

@trivialMorning that’s very true and very often ignored. I know so many people who have had 500k or so to get on the ladder, move up it, renovate, etc.

I think you have to choose your audience. OP is unclear which "people" she thinks ought to be more sympathic. Just the poor ones, who she appears to forget have their own problems on top of poverty? Evidently not the even wealthier friend or attractive millionaire husband.
People don't just dish out sympathy randomly do they? Op needs to build relationships with those she has things in common with.

It’s easier sobbing in a new Mercedes than a cardboard box. Other than that, most people have stress through life.🤷‍♀️