To feel like people assume if you're wealthy, successful etc people assume you can't have problems?

[MyLilacGoose]

I had a very challenging childhood, NC with parents, suffer from depression for which I take medication for. Most people will respond to this with sympathy and kindness if they don't know anything else.

If people know I'm an attractive multimillionaire who married another attractive multimillionaire? Entitled, detached, you have no real problems etc. They don't always say it to your face but they regularly say it behind your back, and they don't realise they are no less privileged if they compare themselves to those in the developing world i.e. most people.

One of my closest friends is even wealthier but came from a very elite background and had it far worse yet gets even less sympathy because she was born rich and she obviously isn't going to go around explaining the painful details. You can tell it bothers her as well.

AIBU?
Edit: sorry about the poorly worded title.

You seem focussed a lot on “people” and what “people” assume about you, and what “the public” thinks about famous people’s mental health. It doesn’t matter who you are, the reality is that anyone beyond your inner circle of immediate family and close friends won’t really be motivated in any significant way to look more deeply into you or care at all about your problems. That people more widely don’t is the case for pretty much everyone - nobody is of much interest or concern to those but their nearest and dearest. What does it matter if an acquaintance doesn’t realise you have inner struggles which money can’t fix, or strangers don’t have sympathy for you about your childhood? Why do you need them to? Whatever anyone’s level of wealth and type of struggle, the broader world isn’t invested in it, and very wealthy people aren’t an exception to that.

I had a shitty childhood and do have some problems now BUT what I don't have are problems easily fixed by money.
You could have had a shit childhood and be broke and having a shit life now, thats the reality for a lot of people
Maybe work on your self awareness rather than your self pity

I understand what you mean. I worked with a lovely person who on the surface, had it all. Happy marriage, lovely children, great job with an excellent salary. He also suffered from severe clinical depression, for which he had to take periods of sick leave. Many times I heard "What's he got to be fed up about?"

All problems are relative and money is only one factor. There will always be someone richer than you, and always someone poorer, always someone happier and always someone more mentally unwell.

Of course you, like everyone, deserve to be treated with empathy OP, I wonder about the humanity of some of the (jealous) people on this thread.

The point is that you are in a much better position than most people. If you look at the hierarchy of needs, people are struggling right now with the basics of human need i.e. heating, food, shelter, clothing... so you are already in a fortunate position of not having to worry about those very basics.
Also you've spoken about your childhood trauma. Thats the same for thousands of people who don't have the luxury of being able to give up work, pay for therapy, move where they want. People don't have much sympathy for multi millionaires because generally speaking, their lives are easier.
I wonder if there is a slight amount of naval gazing going on here, simply because you don't have the worries of thr majority of the population.
I have said from the off that you can have problems, but its slightly off putting to start a thread asking why you don't get sympathy when this site is so full of people struggling with the absolute basics of getting by.

I've heard this all myself growing up and in the same situation you are very aware of people saying stuff like this.

It's almost like people want you to be doing well but once you get to a certain level of success they're just waiting for you to fail.

I can see your point and I agree that wealth shouldn't negate suffering you have experienced.

However, wealth would quite often be an answer to a lot of ppls problems. It would immediately fix the horrific medical situation I'm in and I say that as the wife of a consultant. The NHS is broken and whilst I'm supporting someone trying to hold it together at the seams, I am suffering due to lack of adult competent care. Anyway, rant over! I think what I'm trying to say is that when wealth is what is needed to solve a lot of problems, then people can only be so sympathetic to those who have it. But, like I said, I agree that's not fair on you. Just like it's not fair on me (or others) that we don't have the means to fix our problems.

OP give me your money and I’ll give you my sympathy! The Queen understood when she said “don’t complain, don’t explain”. People don’t give a shit about wealthy people. Buy a handbag and just get on with it, and if it really bothers you, give your money away. Problem solved.

Being a football supporter, I often read reports of racist abuse towards the players on social media. These reports invariably attract comments like 'Well why is he bothered, he's got millions'. As if it's ok to be racist if the subject of your bigotry has a few quid. Or that a healthy bank balance stops it from being hurtful.

No it means that regardless of what others say or think, OP is loving living with mental torture.

I think you are spot on OP for emotional issues. Physical issues are much easier to solve when you have money.

But money doesn’t solve depression or shit parents / up bring.

Sympathy isn't going to help you though is it? You can afford the things that will help, such as therapy. Life is very hard for most people to one extent or another, having loads of money makes it measurably easier. It is unfair that you are very wealthy and others have nothing - it is an unfairness we can do something about, whereas whatever happened to you in the past can't be fixed by sympathy.

You have my sympathy OP. I've been in every social grade and the main advantage in my life is definitely that I have a loving stable family. No amount of money can make up for that.

Being part of a society that is really unequal creates resentment which doesn't help anyone. There's a book called the spirit level which measures this mathematically across all the oecd counties and it's quite striking.

It's easy to asume money will solve our issues if we don't have it, so we can think people with money shouldn't have issues like we do. If we always had money we don't even know what the issues are with not having money, but have our own set of issues that people without money can't relate to. If we had no money and made money we find that money doesn't always solve our issues, or brings new issues. If it did solve our issues by making money we are scared of going back to having no money and the issues reappearing which we had before.
The stress of maintaining a high income lifestyle can be as high as struggling to pay rent on a flat.

Anyone can have problems - access to more money can either open doors to different solutions and/or it can allow problems to grow bigger, depending on the choices we make.

Obviously being poor + shit childhood (or other issue) is worse than being rich + shit childhood. But why is being rich + any issue seen as having no real problems? It is no less of a problem.

I was poor and found it extremely easy to escape poverty yet I wouldn't tell a poor person to just become a millionaire because I know it isn't that simple.

Maybe you can save world hunger next OP? 😂

Thanks, I believe you have now given me the clarification I needed to justify my grotesque feelings to your posts.

YABU I think.

As someone who has never had any money and had a pretty shit childhood to boot, I definitely don't think that wealthy people have no problems but wealth can buy a lot of things to help with problems. I can't afford to get therapy to deal with issues stemming from childhood so instead I have to live in a bit of a void and shut it all away, I cannot trust men so can never have a proper relationship. I don't think therapy can magically solve issues but it would be a start. I've been a lone parent as well from pretty much day one and couldn't afford outside help so I've had to do everything on my own, it would have been a help to be able to afford a cleaner or nanny or something.

I remember thinking money would solve everything as well, that probably is some of it.

It is a choice to have a high income lifestyle though. To say it's as stressful as struggling to pay rent is ignorant. You're talking about a CHOICE.

YANBU, but those I know who are wealthy, whilst they still have their fair share of life shit are able to fix things more easily and don’t tend to have the spiralling bad luck that those without money can have.

I was not intending to post, was just reading through and taking in both sides but I found this response breath takingly rude and dismissive.

You seem to be saying that not only should people have sympathy for rich, healthy, attractive people...but that sympathy should be exclusively for them because poor people can fix things by getting out of poverty (like you did easily) and ill people can just do some exercise. Whereas yours are the only problems that can't be solved.

Could have been an interesting discussion but turned into a snarky race to the bottom. I think people might be inclined to not sympathise/empathise with you, not because of your wealth and beauty, but because of your dismissive attitude and self focus.

I'm sure you will disagree, but that is how you have come across here.

I find sex very difficult/stressful if that is what you are describing... obviously it's not possible to know for yourself but for me therapy merely helped and I still struggle with it far more than most people.

Are you bragging about how Rich and attractive you think you are ? I don’t think you need to go hungry or chose whether to eat today or not . Most of your problems can you can fix yourself with money . You have MH issues - you can afford private care .

take your pity party elsewhere

YABU.
My parents divorced when I was 12, my mother is a narcissist, I dropped out of uni but went onto to have a fantastic career. By the time I was 29 I had about £350k in my own right and a very privileged background behind me. I married a man who became very very successful. At 37, we lost a baby when he was a few hours old.

People see the beautiful houses, nice life style, successful children, great careers.

We are in our early to mid 60s now. I would love the relationship with my mother to be better. I don't dwell on it, I can't change it and I don't wear it on my sleeve in real life.

I lost a child. It was devastating and of course I'd give up everything in in a heartbeat to turn back time and conceive a baby who didn't have a congenital heart defect incompatible with life. But I realise that as devastating as it was it would have been ten times worse if we hadn't been able to afford a funeral, if I hadn't been able to have help with childcare the year after he died, if I hadn't had dd 51 weeks later. There is a part of me that knows I wouldn’t have dd if he hadn't died and that seems inconceivable 27 years later.

Money is no replacement for an emotionally demanding childhood, but many many more people than yiu and I have a shit childhood, followed by a shit life without comfort, love or agency.

Personally, I think you need to reflect a little, move on and stop the pity party. Be glad for what you have. If you want change find something philanthropic.