To feel like people assume if you're wealthy, successful etc people assume you can't have problems?

[MyLilacGoose]

I had a very challenging childhood, NC with parents, suffer from depression for which I take medication for. Most people will respond to this with sympathy and kindness if they don't know anything else.

If people know I'm an attractive multimillionaire who married another attractive multimillionaire? Entitled, detached, you have no real problems etc. They don't always say it to your face but they regularly say it behind your back, and they don't realise they are no less privileged if they compare themselves to those in the developing world i.e. most people.

One of my closest friends is even wealthier but came from a very elite background and had it far worse yet gets even less sympathy because she was born rich and she obviously isn't going to go around explaining the painful details. You can tell it bothers her as well.

AIBU?
Edit: sorry about the poorly worded title.

Now your wealthy you have the time and privilege to dwell on mental and emotional problems from your past. I doubt you’ll get any sympathy from the ones still in poverty, they’ll probably think you’re a bit greedy for wanting that as well as the money. They don’t have time to give it to you because they’re poor.

Obviously you have problems, everyone does. But you have the ability to buy solutions that a poor person doesn't.

Every problem I have could be solved by money. I'm trapped in the house all the time because I can't afford a new wheelchair. My allergies flare up because I can't physically keep the house clean enough to keep away dust mites but I can't afford a cleaner. I can't make fresh healthy food as my wheelchair doesn't fit in the kitchen which makes my other conditions worse etc.

You have the ability to hire the best therapists, outsource labour so you have more free time to focus on healing and living a healthier lifestyle to recover from your trauma. Yes you still have problems but you also have a hell of a lot more tools in your toolbox to deal with them and still live a full life.

I think the difference is that money can buy solutions and money will prevent you from having very basic problems ie you'll never be worried about your children starving, you won't worry about losing your home or defaulting on your mortgage.

To give an example from my life (and I also come from a very wealthy family...) I struggled to conceive. Each IVF cycle was very worrying in that I wanted to make more embryos and hoped they were genetically normal. But I knew I could afford IVF whether it's 1 cycle or 10. Someone poorer would maybe only have 1 shot max, and even then 10-15K extra spending would affect most people's lifestyles. So it takes your worrying to a more minor level.

But its not either or, some people have neither.

A better question would be would you rather have no parents and be poor as an adult or have no parents and be rich as an adult

I wonder if because we live in such a superficial, materialistic society, that contributes to the attitude of assuming as long as you have money, you're fine.

You've put this so much better than I ever could. No amount of money can change the fact that my brain just hasn't developed normally yet it seems like most people don't appreciate this at all.

I’m rich and have problems and of course money helps.

My DS has a medical condition, our private health won’t cover it any more so I stayed with the consultant and paid, it wasn’t a thing. It took away the worry of waiting months for him to be seen, I still have the problem but it’s not as bad as it could be.

You've put this so much better than I ever could. No amount of money can change the fact that my brain just hasn't developed normally yet it seems like most people don't appreciate this at all.

Have you tried therapy and/or counselling?

I have money and I get it that it lifts us out of the day to day hell that is the current state of life for a lot of (the majority even?) people. I absolutely agree that money gives us so many choices ie I have a cleaner so I can take care of my mum (which means I don't rely on council funded carers), I can bulk buy (a bug bear of mine is that people who need those prices can't get them), that I have a car to visit the people I love etc etc.

However we are still humans and suffer from all the human vulnerabilities - accidents, mental health issues, physical health issues, abuse, neglect, crime etc. our feelings are just as valid.

I'm fed up also of people taking a cheap pop at rich people just because they worked hard/got lucky etc. it's like our money isn't as valuable as theirs so tradesmen/profiteers can rip us off. I also agree OP that in comparison with the global population, most people in the UK live a better quality of life. Some people's attitude towards it is abysmal. Their life is the aspiration of so many people globally. That's why so many seek refuge here. Because the worst of it here is far better than what they have.

But I also despair of those people who genuinely feel that everyone can get rich if they just got off their backs and started being brilliant like they are. Life just doesn't work that way. For every winner in life there are a lot of losers and need for social conscience has never been more apparent.

I think youare right that a lot of people can't see beyond someone's bank balance.
I'm sorry things are hard for you.

For years and while it has helped a lot I still have more issues than the average person. I have just accepted that I'm never going to be normal and try and be grateful for what I've got.

Well the bible does say, it's easier for a camel 🐪 to pass through the eye of a needle 💉 than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of heaven ...

No matter how much money you have there is no escape from the vicissitudes of the human condition.

Ie - that we depend on and love others, and then have to bear the loss of the loved and needed person. And face the loss of our own life and that we will not live to see our children's children's children etc.

Anyone can have problems. Money makes them much easier to deal with.

Good health is probably the most important thing there is but a lot of this and I'm sorry about your situation. Even with health though for most people not smoking, exercising 3x a week and maintaining a healthy weight will do far more for you than the best private hospitals/doctors ever could.

I think this is a lot of it. Most people (though they won't admit it) clearly think money = everything and therefore having lots of money = living a dream life even if everything else in your life is awful.

I'd imagine people do think that attractive multimillionaires generally have less to moan about than physically repellent benefits claimants. But the truth is people are envious of others and simply think their own problems are more important than other people's. As a lot of people's issues probably stem from money then you can see why they might think that you wouldn't be suffering in that regard.
A decent friend would make sure to try and be supportive no matter what though.

Obviously it helps, but it isn't the absolute key for happiness like a lot of people believe.

I'd guess reality is that
Health > Family > Money

yet everyone seems to act like
Money >>>>> Health/Family

My great aunt was pregnant at the same time as my grandma. My grandma had my mum and my great aunt had a stillborn son. She was never able to have another child.
Her wealth never made that any less painful.

The passive-aggressive jealous comments get old really quick. People love to be martyrs and use their poor finances to excuse being shit to people in better positions

The rich version of you now is easier than being the poor version of you now.

There is a grotesqueness about your posts and I am not sure why I have had this reaction to your posts. Sometimes people react in a way that is beyond your and their own control. Don’t let it affect your life.

I hear you, OP. No amount of money can buy the things you already missed out on and can never have. I really hear you.

That's unbelievably tone deaf and not true. You can't completely buy yourself out of poor MH. What is the worst outcome - suicide? That doesn't affect rich people?

I'm sure you are right that some people are dismissive of the very idea that rich people can have problems (despite the regular reporting of mental health problems, addiction and even suicide attempts amongst celebs) but not everyone thinks that. There's always someone somewhere having a go at someone else! I don't think that at all.

Plenty of people have minds that are completely fucked but also live in a shitty high rise with mould up the walls.

I had a significant breakdown in 2017. Was suicidal with a plan and a back up. At the time we were fortunate to have private health insurance through dh’s job and I was able to access excellent psychiatric care and a psychotherapy at The Priory.

nobody is saying you’re not deserving of sympathy but that none of your problems are unique to having money and that poor people have the same problems but not the options you have.

This is probably true.
I get the OP.
Everyone has a different life with different problems, of course they would be tone deaf to worrying about feeding kids or keeping house warm, not necessarily on purpose.
My husband, who came to this world very well off, still doesn't think these things are a real problem in real life.
He's 75.