Page 2 | Visitors to newborn

JabbaTheBeachHut · 28/12/2024 00:12

Dasherandprancer · 28/12/2024 00:09

It isn't being banned, to me it's giving the mother space to recover. It isn't payment for seeing baby, it is showing care to the woman.
I am sure the father is doing that and he should be but no reason why other family members can't also help And show love and kindness.

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It IS being banned.

Of course it is, don't be silly.

The OP has said all visitors have been banned for several weeks.

If that's what the couple have chosen, then they shouldn't expect free housework and food, while the servant then slips out quietly without so much as glancing the new baby.

Dasherandprancer · 28/12/2024 00:16

JabbaTheBeachHut · 28/12/2024 00:12

It IS being banned.

Of course it is, don't be silly.

The OP has said all visitors have been banned for several weeks.

If that's what the couple have chosen, then they shouldn't expect free housework and food, while the servant then slips out quietly without so much as glancing the new baby.

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As far as we are aware the duaghter hasnt demanded food or housework. I can tell you now as someone who did choose to have no visitors at first, those which were invited first were the ones who cared for me rather than seeing me as a baby factory and only cared about getting to cuddle the baby.

captainPugwashh · 28/12/2024 00:18

LoafofSellotape · 27/12/2024 23:36

It's awful and really selfish.

100% agree. We had all our visitors over in that week no one gives a shit after the first.

TammyBundleballs · 28/12/2024 00:19

It depends on the extended family dynamic. DH and I had no support offered or given when I gave birth. The idea that someone would cook us a meal or look after the baby for a few hours to allow us to grab some sleep wad for the birds. We did everything ourselves so any visiting was very much on our terms.

I guess that has continued to some extent as we are 100% self sufficient so we tend to not feel the need to fit around others in the manner that many others do.

Endofyear · 28/12/2024 00:21

We had our parents and siblings and a few close friends visiting in the first couple of weeks. Not for hours and not expecting to be waited on - they brought food and my mum helped with laundry and looking after older kids while I rested or was feeding baby. I wanted to introduce our newborns to their family. I find this new fad of not wanting visitors quite sad 😢 the only caveat would be if it was a very difficult birth and new mum needs recovery time for a few days.

FloralMoon · 28/12/2024 00:22

I’m 31 and recently had my first baby (6 months ago)

I don’t use/post on social media such as instagram/FB/tik tok but did scroll though videos/reels to pass some time when I started mat leave before my son’s arrival - with the algorithms you end up watching a lot of similar content and tbh the videos of not having visitors after the birth were constant - almost overwhelmingly normalising it. It also gave me totally unrealistic expectations for when we did have visitors - like they should all be arriving with meals and doing my laundry and general household chores (seriously!)

Totally ridiculous but if you’re influenced by this then the current trend is for no visitors at all and then when you do allow them that they should be like a housemaid and also that they should want to visit only to see Mum and not the baby.

Another thing to blame social media for. Very isolating for a new family and for the extended family. But maybe social media platforms like to promote real life isolation so you spend more time connecting through their websites…. Sad.

JabbaTheBeachHut · 28/12/2024 00:29

Dasherandprancer · 28/12/2024 00:16

As far as we are aware the duaghter hasnt demanded food or housework. I can tell you now as someone who did choose to have no visitors at first, those which were invited first were the ones who cared for me rather than seeing me as a baby factory and only cared about getting to cuddle the baby.

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As far as we are aware the duaghter hasnt demanded food or housework.

Quite.

I'm not sure if you're following the thread but a PP suggested the OP should be doing this whilst being banned from seeing the baby, even though there's a perfectly capable father in the house.

I can tell you now as someone who did choose to have no visitors at first, those which were invited first were the ones who cared for me rather than seeing me as a baby factory and only cared about getting to cuddle the baby.

It doesn't have to be either/or, does it?

Most normal visitors care about both baby and mother.

NewName24 · 28/12/2024 00:33

Not sure which way to vote as
YANBU to think t is a new fad (on MN anyway - it's not something I've come across in my life with any of the babies I've known, ever)
YANBU to suggest Next thing: psychotherapy for children who did not socialise early enough, as is the case with children who isolated during Covid!

YANBU to want to meet the new baby, and see your dd

Your dd IBU to isolate herself like this.

HermoinePotter · 28/12/2024 00:37

Dasherandprancer · 28/12/2024 00:16

As far as we are aware the duaghter hasnt demanded food or housework. I can tell you now as someone who did choose to have no visitors at first, those which were invited first were the ones who cared for me rather than seeing me as a baby factory and only cared about getting to cuddle the baby.

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You are projecting your own issues and targeting one particular poster in your replies. It’s not a nice look. You made your choices, however the OP is in different circumstances and only wants to see her DGC, you do not know the circumstances the OP is in. It was YOU who mentioned food and housework for goodness sake.

For clarity this is what you posted.

If anything the focus should be on delivering meals to the doorstep and if she is up for it you going in and helping do the dishes!! Not pressuring anyone to meet a baby when they are in recovery

Rubbishcrabbycarehomeowners · 28/12/2024 00:49

My lovely Mum and MIL were absolutely brilliant with my newborns..cannot imagine them banned from seeing my babies for 2 weeks. I had the privilege of being my daughter’s birthing partner and met my grandchild at birth!

NewName24 · 28/12/2024 01:01

I still smile, thinking of how lucky my dc were, in that they were born into a wider family that were thrilled to meet them in the first place, and delighted to welcome a new grandchild / nephew or niece into the families.
It was lovely to have family visit initially and then friends after the first couple of weeks - all delighted for us.
I just cannot get my head round wanting to isolate yourself and hurt your families.

PlantDoctor · 28/12/2024 01:04

Weeks seems crazy. I originally didn't want any visitors while I was in hospital after c section so that I could recover and learn how to look after a baby. My mum was so disappointed so I said I'd consider it. Had DD in the morning and we invited the GPs to visit in the evening as we felt it was going ok.

I did find visits to our house quite overwhelming for the first week or so. I didn't say no, but I think I maybe should have as I was struggling with BFing. It was awkward to say no as FIL had booked a hotel to come visit when we expected DD to be 2 weeks old, but she ended up being a week late so she was less than a week old when they visited. If I have another one I'd probably request a couple of days alone tbh.

Original poster

Yelrab · 28/12/2024 02:45

My daughter doesn’t want meals cooked. She is having a series of meals delivered as a Christmas present from her sister. She doesn’t want help in the house either. The idea is that the three of them would bond as a family before others were present. I am told that a friend recently did the same thing and regarded it as being successful.

OP posts:

Edizzler25 · 28/12/2024 03:12

Might be due to the type of birth and time of year isn’t great for bugs and viruses. We had too many visitors after my first and as I had an emergency c section and felt totally overwhelmed with being a new parent it really didn’t help my mental health post birth so we said we wanted less visitors second time around and I did feel much more relaxed for not needing to tidy the house more often, sit and host people etc

my dh was just so excited to show the baby off I think he was in his own little bubble so I had to be really clear second time around about expectations with visitors since it was me having major surgery (a planned section). And it was a huge change for my 3yo as well

Frangywangywoowah · 28/12/2024 03:22

Why is it weird? Maybe as I'm not close to my family I see another perspective but I know my mother, for example would just make it all about her. For once, fuck off...honestly just go away and let me have a chance of a normal life with my new child.

TaggieO · 28/12/2024 03:27

Look at it this way: will you actually be any help? Are you going to cook a meal and do the washing and walk the dog? Or are you going to sit around expecting to be brought cups of tea and sandwiches whilst she struggles to establish breastfeeding and really just wants to be in bed…..?

I think more women now have the courage to say “I’ve just squeezed a bowling ball out of my genitals, I don’t want to entertain people, I want to recover in peace” and that is absolutely their right.

We wouldn’t be expecting women to host an endless carousel of visitors immediately after a gallbladder removal, or a messy divorce, and whilst having a baby is lovely in terms of the physical and emotional impact it’s not dissimilar in its levels of upheaval.

2025Y · 28/12/2024 03:33

Yeah see it a lot on mumnset. And also not holding baby, cuddling baby or god forbid kissing baby! You'll burn in hell for that!!

I just feel so so sad for the wee baby.

These are the same parents who'll moan in a few years that relatives are disengaged.

buttonousmaximous · 28/12/2024 03:35

I think it's lovely to take a few days as a family first before receiving visitors. There can be a pressure to show off the baby when really what the baby needs is time to bond with the parents.

Weeks sound extreme though. Are you usually close to your dd?

iwasntexpectingthatoops · 28/12/2024 03:38

At the end of the day it's up to your daughter and her husband, selfish or not.

user1492757084 · 28/12/2024 03:42

Are you up to date with the Whooping Cough and Covid vaccinations?
Check with your Dr. as to your vaccination status before spending time with newborns.

I think parents are wise to listen to the increased chance of catching Whooping Cough for kids these days. Not having new borns near children and crowds and non vaccinated people is sensible. It is the sad new reality.

If you feel well, have not been near people with Whooping Cough, Measles, Covid etc you should be safe to visit a newborn, if the parents are up for guests.
Bring a mask in your pocket, and a casserole.

MrsPSwayze · 28/12/2024 03:51

LoafofSellotape · 27/12/2024 23:36

It's awful and really selfish.

Whilst it isn’t something I did or would do, who cares if it is selfish? If there is a time for being selfish then it is surely following birth.

Edizzler25 · 28/12/2024 07:11

2025Y · 28/12/2024 03:33

Yeah see it a lot on mumnset. And also not holding baby, cuddling baby or god forbid kissing baby! You'll burn in hell for that!!

I just feel so so sad for the wee baby.

These are the same parents who'll moan in a few years that relatives are disengaged.

why do you feel sorry for the baby? What benefit are they getting? They don’t have a clue at that age and probably benefit more from bonding time with parents and establishing feeding. Id feel more sorry for them if they picked up every virus going when tiny.

theres plenty of time for the baby to develop a bond with the wider family when they’re bigger and walking and talking, and have their own little personality!!

Skiptogetfit · 28/12/2024 07:37

Dasherandprancer · 28/12/2024 00:16

As far as we are aware the duaghter hasnt demanded food or housework. I can tell you now as someone who did choose to have no visitors at first, those which were invited first were the ones who cared for me rather than seeing me as a baby factory and only cared about getting to cuddle the baby.

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This sums the fax up perfectly. Selfish little self absorbed princess thinks she can blackmail people into doing exactly as she says, just because they want to see their grandchild. The OP is 80 foe goodness sake. The daughter can get off her backside and look after her mother at the same time as caring for the baby. Show some humanity.

There’s a reason why the children of women who act like this are not the favourite grandchild as the years go on…

Skiptogetfit · 28/12/2024 07:39

Frangywangywoowah · 28/12/2024 03:22

Why is it weird? Maybe as I'm not close to my family I see another perspective but I know my mother, for example would just make it all about her. For once, fuck off...honestly just go away and let me have a chance of a normal life with my new child.

It’s not normal to tell your 80 year old mother to fuck off for wanting to see her new born grandchild. It’s vile.

Dasherandprancer · 28/12/2024 07:40

Yelrab · 28/12/2024 02:45

My daughter doesn’t want meals cooked. She is having a series of meals delivered as a Christmas present from her sister. She doesn’t want help in the house either. The idea is that the three of them would bond as a family before others were present. I am told that a friend recently did the same thing and regarded it as being successful.

Then respect her wants. There is time for baby cuddles in a few weeks.