Page 10 | Visitors to newborn

Yelrab · 2024-12-27T23:34:10+00:00

Is my daughter reasonable to ban all visitors to her, her husband and new baby for several weeks? I am in my eighties and would like to see my new grandchild for just five minutes. Is this some new fad? Next thing: psychotherapy for children who did not socialise early enough, as is the case with children who isolated during Covid!

yipyipyop · 29/12/2024 11:40

Katypp · 29/12/2024 10:04

Does any older MNetters remember when having a baby was regarded as just something you did? Amazing for the parents and immediate family but not considered particularly remarkable and not expected to be treated as such?
Such a drama seems to be made if it now, with the new mother the centre of it all.
Now it seems to ge less about getting on with it and all about the control you can exert on everyone.
As I said, bizarre

I recently had my second baby so I'm not an older Mumsnetter. I do think it's a way of bitter people exerting control when they make a huge list of rules when they have a baby. I'm happy for my baby to meet his extended family. Plus I don't expect them to clean on wait on me really. Me or my husband are capable of making a cup of tea. Maybe I think differently at 2 months in but I was ok pretty early on even after a c section.

Katypp · 29/12/2024 11:58

yipyipyop · 29/12/2024 11:40

I recently had my second baby so I'm not an older Mumsnetter. I do think it's a way of bitter people exerting control when they make a huge list of rules when they have a baby. I'm happy for my baby to meet his extended family. Plus I don't expect them to clean on wait on me really. Me or my husband are capable of making a cup of tea. Maybe I think differently at 2 months in but I was ok pretty early on even after a c section.

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And that's the way it should be. Congratulations on your baby by the way and I hope all is well.
I do get that previous generations stayed in hospital longer than today's (although I was only in 2 nights in 1993, so not a huge stay) but this expectation that new mothers must be waited on hand and foot while they 'enjoy their baby' is a new phenomena to me.
My mum did loads for me but I was grateful and it wasn't an expectation that she would.

teatoast8 · 29/12/2024 14:10

yipyipyop · 29/12/2024 11:40

I recently had my second baby so I'm not an older Mumsnetter. I do think it's a way of bitter people exerting control when they make a huge list of rules when they have a baby. I'm happy for my baby to meet his extended family. Plus I don't expect them to clean on wait on me really. Me or my husband are capable of making a cup of tea. Maybe I think differently at 2 months in but I was ok pretty early on even after a c section.

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I was hardly bitter. I was in pain and wanted to enjoy the bubble for a couple of weeks.

phoenixrosehere · 29/12/2024 15:18

Katypp · 29/12/2024 10:22

Oh yes, boundaries. Those things that are only acceptable when they are yours.
I was reading a thread yesterday about elderly parents who had told their daughter they would not visit until their grandchildren were able to behave themselves.
Cue outrage from posters, when all they were doing is setting the very boundaries so encouraged on MN (but only when you are in the driving seat apparently).
😂

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Oh yes, boundaries. Those things that are only acceptable when they are yours.

Yes, when it comes to ones well-being after having a baby and healing from it.

I don’t think that is a hard concept to understand nor is it that not everyone is blessed with family members that are actually helpful or the type that wouldn’t cause more stress which makes it more difficult for the healing mum and the baby.

Some may not be able to imagine and understand that, but instead of ridiculing and unnecessarily name-calling the women who do have these type of family members, why not be content that you (general you) don’t have such experiences or family members.