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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DC not included on family trip with EXH

173 replies

orangepinkblossom · 27/12/2024 22:56

I have just recently been told via my devastated children that their DF is going abroad next year to the States with the OW, her DC and their soon to be born baby. Disney might be on the cards but has not been confirmed by EXH.

Apparently OW generous Aunt funds holidays for OW to either visit her or meet in other countries.

Our DC have never been on a plane but we have taken a few trip to France and Germany when we were a family and UK holidays.

AIBU to think or even suggest EXH should not have accepted the holiday knowing our DC aren't included.

OP posts:
LimeAnt · 27/12/2024 22:59

Unfortunately, this is Exh's family that is removed from you and doesn't need to include DC. I think it's shitty of him to tell DC and them to not be included but there's no reason aside from that he shouldn't agree to go.

Hopefully, you can do something fun with DC while he's away that you'll all enjoy and have lovely memories from.

flumposie · 27/12/2024 23:12

As rubbish as it will feel to your children you cant expect her Aunt to fund someone unrelated.

Freeasabird76 · 27/12/2024 23:15

It was shitty of him to tell them about it,but not upto her aunt to fund.

Playgroundincident · 27/12/2024 23:18

Why would her aunt pay for two children who are not related to her to go on holiday.?

EG94 · 27/12/2024 23:20

Ask yourself, if you booked a holiday next year would you pay to take their half brother and OW’s children with you. If the answer no and you know why it’s no, that will help you to hopefully gain some perspective on why your kids aren’t going

AnneLovesGilbert · 27/12/2024 23:22

What’s your suggestion, that her aunt pays for the extra children or that his kids miss out? It sounds like the latter, do you think his kids with a different mum shouldn’t enjoy anything their relatives can offer because yours can’t as neither of their parents can afford it?

Life isn’t fair. Other people will always have experiences and things we can’t afford. Feeding their upset won’t help. I’m sure they do things with you they can’t do with their dad.

Sometimeswinning · 27/12/2024 23:23

I’d assume dad would start saving to take his children along with them.

CornishPorsche · 27/12/2024 23:25

This isn't his trip to insist his kids go on.

Your kids can go another time if another generous auntie who is actually related to them wants to pay for it.

This is life with two sets of parents. And it's not always equal.

CandiedPrincess · 27/12/2024 23:25

AIBU to think or even suggest EXH should not have accepted the holiday knowing our DC aren't included.

YANBU for having the opinion it's unfair but YABU to suggest he should not have accepted the holiday. It's really none of your business if he goes on holiday or not. The dynamics have changed now and unfortunately you get no say in that.

If you feel bad for your kids missing out on a Disney trip, you could take them? There's always that option.

ShortyShorts · 27/12/2024 23:28

He shouldn't have told the kids where he was going.

But as tough as it sounds, I agree with PPs that he has another life now and if his DP's aunt is funding the trip, he can't ask her to pay for his kids.

DurinsBane · 27/12/2024 23:29

He probably shouldn’t have told them, to save the upset.

Quitelikeit · 27/12/2024 23:36

Don’t make a big deal of this.

Ponderingwindow · 27/12/2024 23:41

Just because the girlfriend is taking her children on a holiday, doesn’t mean the dad needs to tag along. Only the baby is his child. He could easily sit this one out. By the next time one of these trips comes around, he could have saved enough to include all 3 of his children.

MissTrip82 · 27/12/2024 23:42

AnneLovesGilbert · 27/12/2024 23:22

What’s your suggestion, that her aunt pays for the extra children or that his kids miss out? It sounds like the latter, do you think his kids with a different mum shouldn’t enjoy anything their relatives can offer because yours can’t as neither of their parents can afford it?

Life isn’t fair. Other people will always have experiences and things we can’t afford. Feeding their upset won’t help. I’m sure they do things with you they can’t do with their dad.

What do you mean his kids miss out? The yet to be born baby who will still be a baby?

The only kids of his missing out are his existing ones.

Nobidy thinks the aunt should pay. I certainly think their dad should be saving to take his actual existing children, his family, along on his family holiday.

NiftyKoala · 27/12/2024 23:53

EG94 · 27/12/2024 23:20

Ask yourself, if you booked a holiday next year would you pay to take their half brother and OW’s children with you. If the answer no and you know why it’s no, that will help you to hopefully gain some perspective on why your kids aren’t going

I think that should help it make more sense OP. If you wouldn't why would an aunt who does not know your children do that? I am sure your kids are sad he shouldn't have told them.

BigSilly · 28/12/2024 03:50

Sometimeswinning · 27/12/2024 23:23

I’d assume dad would start saving to take his children along with them.

But they haven't been invited!

OnlyMabelInTheBuilding · 28/12/2024 04:58

Why did he tell them?

It’s fine he goes, just not sure why he’d be telling them about it.

Gogogo12345 · 28/12/2024 05:26

OnlyMabelInTheBuilding · 28/12/2024 04:58

Why did he tell them?

It’s fine he goes, just not sure why he’d be telling them about it.

This

derbiee · 28/12/2024 05:40

That is what happens in a blended family kids miss out but the person paying is not going to pay for random kids not related to them

The more blended families are popular these days does not mean adults are not going to keep on paying for endless children

In an ideal world no child will miss out but in an ideal world blended families would not happen

andfinallyhereweare · 28/12/2024 05:45

Op it sounds as if you’re not over the hurt, (understandable) the language you use the OW (she’s not the OW anymore) when we were a family. Could this be making you upset when there’s not really an issue? I’m not saying you’re wrong to be hurt, of course you’re hurt at being cheated on but this is life now, she’s no longer the OW and she’s apart of his family now. You are your kids are a family too.

FrowntonAbbey · 28/12/2024 05:48

Devastated? Per your previous threads, the oldest is 17, so likely 18 or almost 18 when this holiday happens. I didn’t even want to go away with my parents at that age. Considering there will be a baby in tow, I can’t imagine why they would want to go along, especially if the main aim of the trip is to see his girlfriend’s aunt - a person they have likely never even met before.

OnlyMabelInTheBuilding · 28/12/2024 05:54

FrowntonAbbey · 28/12/2024 05:48

Devastated? Per your previous threads, the oldest is 17, so likely 18 or almost 18 when this holiday happens. I didn’t even want to go away with my parents at that age. Considering there will be a baby in tow, I can’t imagine why they would want to go along, especially if the main aim of the trip is to see his girlfriend’s aunt - a person they have likely never even met before.

I do agree with this. Gently, of course he will go on holidays and do things with his partner and their DC. Sometimes your DC will be part of that, and sometimes they won’t. This is the reality of blended families.

Your DC wouldn’t have expected to go on holiday with their dad’s partner’s aunt? He is going to have new IL’s that he spends time with. He should obviously still be spending lots of time with his DC too. But not necessarily together.

Still can’t think why he told them though. Seems wholly unnecessary.

Quitelikeit · 28/12/2024 06:03

So your kids are nearly 18! How ridiculous

Also he is ridiculous for having another child when his were all grown up!

user1492757084 · 28/12/2024 06:05

It's fair that your DH can accept a holiday offer from his wife's aunt and can go on holiday with his other kids.
Fair isn't often equal; that is life.

It's right and proper that he tells his children and that he informs them of how he can afford to go.
He might treasure the experience so much that he saves up to take his other kids (unrealistic) or he might bring them back some nice gifts.

Book your kids a holiday, including a day at a fun park, at a similar time and have a great time.

Mumdiva99 · 28/12/2024 06:06

This is one of those MN conundrums. Written the other way around - "I want to go to the US with my kids and Partner. His ex says it's unfair we haven't included his actual kids. If it's relevant my aunt paya a large proportion of this. Yes we may go to Disney." I've seen this lots and the classic MN answer is - of course his children should be included. They are still his kids and part of the new blended family. Then even when people point out the children may get another holiday with mum. It doesn't matter - they are still his kids and must go on your family holiday as they are family.
I've seen this answer over and over and over.
Not sure where all those posters are this morning??
I actually think on the one hand Dad should be allowed to go.....but......only if he already has a great trip planned with his kids next year. If he doesn't he should decline the aunts invite and save to take his own kids away. Because yes aunt is paying some but he will have to pay for some things while away and that money could be used to fund a trip with his kids.

I don't think the aunt should be expected to fund his kids.