DC not included on family trip with EXH

[orangepinkblossom]

I have just recently been told via my devastated children that their DF is going abroad next year to the States with the OW, her DC and their soon to be born baby. Disney might be on the cards but has not been confirmed by EXH.

Apparently OW generous Aunt funds holidays for OW to either visit her or meet in other countries.

Our DC have never been on a plane but we have taken a few trip to France and Germany when we were a family and UK holidays.

AIBU to think or even suggest EXH should not have accepted the holiday knowing our DC aren't included.

At 18 I think your son can survive not being included in a trip an aunt he's not related to is paying for. If he really wants to go to the US tell him to start working and saving. I went as an aupair at 17 to the US, never counted on my parents to take me.

Kind of weird to suggest that a dad doesn't go on a holiday with his own baby.

The situation sounds awful, OP. I'm so sorry. It must be hurtful in a million small ways to have your ex go off and have kids and stepkids with the OW.

I think the only thing you can do is try not to think about it, and get on with your own life. Life just isn't fair. Maybe just tell your DC that their stepmum has a rich auntie, and that's why Dad and the other kids are going away. Be honest and say that you and Dad can't afford this sort of thing for them, and neither would stepmom if not for the auntie.

Maybe this is the time to make a decision not to focus on these things. Try to distract yourself. I have found that when you are in situations that are a) hurting you greatly and b) you can do nothing about, the best way is to make a decision that you are just going to think about other things.

And is there any chance that you could turn this into a life lesson for your DC? Something along the lines of, we can't have everything, and they may not have this trip because their parents can't afford it, but look at all the things they do have.

Whilst your DC are old enough to know and understand what's happening they still have a right to feel what they feel. It must absolutely hurt to see their Dad go off and have a new family and also have amazing experiences with them to boot no matter how/ who is funding it. Hopefully, one day they will be able to do some of these things for themselves.

My grandchild used to go on wet and windy uk camping trips with dad's new family. It was slotted in to the summer hols between their trips to Dubai and Disney. We used to encourage them to laugh about it - imagine being stuck with that family for 2 weeks! We took them on cheaper trips and had a ball. It's* *unreasonable to expect them to be included tbh (even if it's the dad that is paying) so it's down to the adults to help them handle it in a positive way - try and cut out the 'poor little you' comments as they won't help the child in life.

Unless the ex-husband/their dad was also going on holiday with the OP, that would be quite different.

I think it’s pretty obvious I think they should be.

Op, yabu. If your eldest is nearly 18 (as per your previous threads), he or she should be able to earn enough to pay for their own holidays by now.

And why would an 18yo want to go to Disney ?

I think if they're having a baby it's time you stop calling her the OW and get used to her being in your kids life. If you treat her as a positive someone extra to love your child then things will be better all round. She's perfectly entitled to accept a holiday from her aunt and he's being sensible to introduce your child to all the extended family slowly.

That doesn't sound very positive- slagging off that family

No he's not.

That's really sad for your children. I can't imagine any good parent going on such an exciting holiday and leaving some of his children out.

Obviously the aunt doesn't have to pay for them, but if their dad can't save up to cover their expenses, he shouldn't be going at all.

That’s entirely different. OP is not the parent of either of those children. But she is talking about her kids’ own father taking a trip without them.

Their father has a life with the rest of his family. The kids need to get used to that. His world doesn't stop when the kids aren't with him.

From a practical point of view the trip is currently 2 adults & (at least) 3 children - assuming the 'OW' has 2 plus the new baby. If they were to take the dad's other kids it would be 2 adults and 5 children, one of whom is a baby - sounds a logistical nightmare!

How much does it cost to take 3 teens to the USA? At least £2K on flights and accommodation alone I guess. If the dad never took them on a plane before I'm assuming he doesn't have that sort of money, and is only going himself as his costs are covered.

EXH realistically can not afford to take the DC with him but has planned anything next year with them.

It does hurt for me but only because our DC have been clearly pushed aside as an after thought with holidays. He has been on multiple trips with his new partner since he left and he was the man throughout our marriage who always said he would never holiday without the children and can not understand parents who do.

Yet he does with his new partner and her family, though not always with her children.

The DC have said they were told incase it was mentioned by the other children and he would rather tell them to be open with them.

@orangepinkblossom Has your 18-year old son said he's sad about this? I get the feeling you're the one who's upset about you exh taking trips in general with his partner that you chose to call ow.

@orangepinkblossom Your son is 18? I have DC that age myself and they don't always come now. He's an adult!

I think this as well, tbh.

Unless maybe he was worried about his gf’s son telling the kids? But if so, don’t say anything at this incredibly early stage, where plans not even firm yet, and not over Christmas

My ex who is now on his third family never took his kids from two previous families away. I xplained it as-

You go away with me and dh
Dsis (2nd family) go away with their mum and her bf
Db goes away with dad and stepmum

If he didn't take them they wouldn't get a holiday and he can't afford to take all. My kids do get a holiday with me.

I hope her kid isn’t 18 because if he is then this is clearly about her resentment for him having a life after her!

18 is an adult not a child so he has done what he said and NOT had holidays without his children.

also at 18 pretty pathetic to say I’m telling you in case x or y mentions it.

Surely the upset person in question isn’t 18 🤦🏼‍♀️

Why did he tell them?
It’s fine he goes, just not sure why he’d be telling them about it.

Why wouldn't you? It's a perfectly normal conversation in my house with my teens. "Your stepdad and me are taking your half-brother to XYZ next year". Be weirder not to talk about it.

Just seen OP has three DC aged 12-17.

You can be 18 and still be upset with a parent leaving you out? They are a barely legal adult. Dad is going on an exciting trip abroad without them and their siblings.

Yea sure but also.. grow up. At 18 you understand the complexity of situations including emotions, money etc

18 year old being upset with the capacity to understand vs. A 5 year old being upset are very very different things