DC not included on family trip with EXH

[orangepinkblossom]

I have just recently been told via my devastated children that their DF is going abroad next year to the States with the OW, her DC and their soon to be born baby. Disney might be on the cards but has not been confirmed by EXH.

Apparently OW generous Aunt funds holidays for OW to either visit her or meet in other countries.

Our DC have never been on a plane but we have taken a few trip to France and Germany when we were a family and UK holidays.

AIBU to think or even suggest EXH should not have accepted the holiday knowing our DC aren't included.

Why should they be? It's obvious that the new partner's aunt would not be inviting them.

Also at 18 are you sure it's the kids that are upset? Surely they will be more interested I to going to Magaluf/Newquay/ibiza/Faliraki with their mates like normal teenagers than away with little children.

This makes no difference whatsoever to the initial situation. The aunt is inviting her nieces/nephews/great-nieces/great-nephews on holiday. Plus her nieces/nephews' partners. This is extremely generous of her. No-one else has any right to feel aggrieved that they haven't been invited.

While it is understandable that you are envious of your exH's new life and the exciting opportunities it affords him and his new child, you are not justified in believing that your children have a right to things that come from your exH's new partner and her family. They don't.

Aunt is paying for a trip for her family members.

Your children are not her family. Your ex husband is her nieces partner so he gets an invite.

His partners family are not your dc’s family though.

Op read this over and over, and you are using your children as excuse you hate him everyone gets it

Yes, because they are relatives of the Aunt and your DC aren't. Your DC are nothing to do with her.

Look it is a bit crap for your children, especially the 12 year old, but it is also completely irrelevant if your ex’s new partners siblings and children are invited.

Your update doesn’t change anything. The aunt is taking all of her family, their DC and partners on holiday. That doesn’t include your DC.

No way if I was the Aunt would I be inviting the children of my Nieces partner ... jog on ... they aren't even married so not like he is even Nieces husbands children. Sorry OP but they are of ABSOLUTELY no interest to the Aunt.

Would YOU pay for some random boyfriend of your sister's children to go on an expensive holiday ?

Do you know what - it’s ok for you to be bloody well upset that your ex husband has shacked up with his OW. I totally understand your horrendous hurt in this situation. And it’s ok to be hurt that your children’s lives/futures have been impacted by their father’s decisions. It’s clear from your posts that you are hurting and I really feel for you.

But what is not ok is to involve your children in this, to cause further upset and anguish. To make the situation worse - to try to make your ex a bad guy in your kids eyes. (If they are almost adults and he is a bad guy, they will see this in time for themselves.)

I know it’s really hard, but if your children are upset about not being invited on this trip then you need to swallow your upset, don’t let them see that you are annoyed about it, give them a hug and calmly explain that their dad has been invited on a trip by his partners aunt, sadly she hasn’t invited them but they should be happy for their dad. And they will have other trips with their dad in the future. You must not aggravate the situation because you are pissed off about him and the OW. Swallow your feelings and make sure that your children are not further hurt by your split. Be the bigger person. Your children will understand when they are older, look back on it and realise how much you put their needs first.

So you honestly think this woman should pay for three teenagers to go to America who she has met a handful of times because their dad has shacked up with her sister?

You are not being rational about this at all. Your children are jealous that their dad is going on a good holiday and he can’t afford to take them. That sucks - but you are stirring this up to the extreme and creating unrealistic expectations for you children.

maybe their dad should say he feels rubbish going on this trip because he will be leaving three kids back in England. But there is no way your three children should expect to have their trip funded by their dad’s girlfriend’s sister.

and of course she is taking her own children! What are you thinking????

If my parents want to treat my dc it doesn't mean they need to include my dsd's, that's life

Bloody the step mother cats are out in force tonight.

OP - why should you have to explain to your DCs and make them feel less shite about themselves because of the behaviour of their DF - not your job.
Their F needs to make them feel part of his new family but lets be honest on the SM forum if Disney comes into the equation then the first family children never get a look in and it is the repsonsibility of you to make their holidays better and provide what their feckless father does not.

OP said she was upset - did not ask for the Aunt to fund her DCS but does expect their DF to behave better than he has. The extrapolation of stuff on here by angry SMs who jsut wish the older chilren would disappear off the face of the earth is predictable and sad.

OP I feel you pain - mine got no holiday because Dad could not afford tot ake his new DP - his 2 SDCs and their joint baby business class to Barbados - yet as my then 9yr old pointed out we could ahve all gone to Spain for the same price.

You can not make the hurt go away you can just be there listen and give the odd hug. It sucks . Oh and ignore the bitches on this thread

@takeittakeit This is an entirely different scenario and frankly rather than approaching the situation rationally you have come across like the bitter ex wife especially with your rant against SMs. If the OP feeds into this then she is the one making her kids feel shite rather than explaining that a random woman doesn't owe them a holiday.

What a bizarre interpretation. I love my SD15. She's come on every holiday except our honeymoon and 5 days in Portugal with my 3 yo over the 9 years we've been together. We're taking her to Lapland next year and paying adult prices as she'll be 16. What we wouldn't do is demand one of my family members pay to take her away on holiday, or fund anything for her, because that's not how life works. My parents are already making noises about potentially paying fees for DD (now 4) to go to private secondary school. We're not sure that's what we want for DD but if we do, SD having gone to a state school won't come into the equation. FWIW SD and her family live in her Grandmother's large house, in a very nice part of the home counties, with a huge garden. I don't say it's not fair that SD's Grandma doesn't buy us a house.

Turns out the big trip next summer includes the OW nieces/nephews and her siblings.

The aunt sounds lovely to be paying for all that.

If it's jarring you, it's probably because you said your 17 year old has never been on an airplane, which is not the aunt's fault or the OW's.

See if you can start saving now and maybe you and yours can also get away on holiday. If not this year, perhaps the year after?

I have stepchildren. They did not come on every family holiday with us because they also went on holidays with their mother, her partner and his children. We did not deprive ourselves of holidays or other nice things because they were not available to come along with us.

Imagine sending your children off on holiday with a woman they must loathe.

It wouldn't appear that way, considering it sounds like they have good relationships with her nieces and nephews so obviously spend a good amount of time with them.

I can see why you are hurt, OP, and also why your children are. The reality is, I suppose, that your ex has indeed made his first family - his first wife and your three children together - less of a priority by having an affair, moving out, and fathering another child. Anyone who does have a "blended family" in this way is indeed choosing to lessen his commitments to his first children. Choosing to have a second family or set of children does mean that finances, attention, energy and time are divided, and circumstances such as the above will happen.
I can completely see why you are upset on your children's behalf, and why they are too; I differ from some others replying in that I don't automatically assume that 17/18 yr olds are fully out of the family nest and fledged adults who wouldn't want to go on a holiday with their parents. I'm currently at my parents' house for a Christmas break, and my 19 yr old son is sitting a yard away from me.
So yes, you are not being remotely unreasonable in being upset, and feeling that your ex has betrayed the family you both committed to. I don't think either you should just "move on" and have to be cool with the idea that he's changed his mind and moved on himself.
However, in terms of what you can do about it, the answer is really that there isn't anything you can do. He's made his decision, pushed off, created a new family with a new woman, and your children now half a half-sibling. That situation exists, and there's nothing you can do about it, and you can't decide how he now acts or behaves, even if you don't like it. You do have to accept the reality of the current position.

What's wrong with that? It is her family?

I get it hurts you. But you would be better off explaining to your children the dynamics and 'layout' of the new blended family, so that they can see and understand that they can't and won't be invited to everything. Encourage them to understand instead of hurt.

At no point has the OP said she thinks the Aunt should pay - she thinks their DF needs to manage this better and she is upset for her DCS.

The rest of the posts on here are a bunch of SMs who are extrapolating and blaming OP for not accepting that second families have every right to exclude the original children and the Ex will make it up.

No longer bitter about what happened to my DCs every year for 5 years - moved on, have lovely DP, my DCs and SDCs are challenging at times but we muddle along. I will their never forget the pain and hurt that my DCs felt when their DF and his new family would face time whilst on holiday - Barbados, Florida, LAX, Dubai etc - in this scenario it was their DF paying for everything for his new DP and his SDCs and not for his own to fly busness class, 5 star hotel because he could not afford to add 2 more but could if they ahd flown economy but she would not - which is imho far worse.

you are all asking OP to be the bigger person, not be upset, make it right for her DCS, earn more monies and take them on holiday herself, explain the situation etc etc etc - it is not her job, it is their DFs. Sad thing is you would be saying the same if their was no generous Aunt and EX and his ne DP were paying for her DCs and their joint to go away. Double standards.

OP you ahve every right to be pissed off and you will end up helping your DCs come to terms with it but it is difficult no matter what age your DCS are when they are hurt by their other parents actions.

I really don't think we would. The issue here is that it's not DF's holiday, he didn't plan it, and he's not paid for it. He's being taken as an invited guest by his partner's Aunt. The situation you describe where your ex was deliberately planning holidays which did not include your DC are not the same thing.

MRsSunshine2b - suggest you scroll the SM forum on holidays and that belief is common and the answer is invariably well they can go on holiday with their Mum to make up for it - kids do have 2 parents and they are equally responsible for taking them on holiday - how dare the SCs expect to go o holiday with their invariably Dad in this scenario

This thread has been derailed by people suggesting OP thinks the rich Aunt should pay but she has not said that at any point - she has questioned their DFs behaviour and been upset that her children are upset. She has also not said her DC is 18

My dds get more holidays abroad than their older half siblings. My parents take them away each year for a week. They don't take my sc because they aren't their grandchildren. Your DC aren't hers so why should her family take them away ?