DC not included on family trip with EXH

[orangepinkblossom]

I have just recently been told via my devastated children that their DF is going abroad next year to the States with the OW, her DC and their soon to be born baby. Disney might be on the cards but has not been confirmed by EXH.

Apparently OW generous Aunt funds holidays for OW to either visit her or meet in other countries.

Our DC have never been on a plane but we have taken a few trip to France and Germany when we were a family and UK holidays.

AIBU to think or even suggest EXH should not have accepted the holiday knowing our DC aren't included.

In your shoes, I would work extra extra hard to save up some pennies and make sure that you happen to be there at the same time and give them away from across space mountain.
You and your children are gonna have an absolutely marvellous time, dressed in co ordinated tasteful outfits whilst your ex is gonna look like he’s been pulled through a hedge backwards and the new wifey will be sat on a bench with her red raw tits out covered in baby shit.
If that doesn’t cheer you up, I don’t know what will

She may not be able to afford to do fun things in her own when the kids are with their father. She presumably saves her money to do fun things with her kids.

If exh continues to accept the aunt's generous trips and not pay for his kids to go or alternatively take them on nice trips himself, he will be judged by his kids. He may find down the line that his first and second families don't blend well, especially if in later years the second family rubs the first family's nose in it about the glamorous trips they've missed out on.

His abandoning his morals about leaving kids out of holidays may well come back to bite him.

Your ex is a dick for mentioning a holiday the kids aren't invited on.

There's no reason in the world why someone else's aunt should bankroll your kids holiday, but he should have kept his stupid mouth shut

I disagree on the 2nd part...my stepson is 30 and my husband and I are having a baby

Not sure I agree with the posts their dad should have not mentioned the holiday?

Isn't it better coming directly from him rather than the kids finding out through their step siblings or other children going on the trip? And then them having to piece together their own version of the truth rather than dad saying his new wife's family is funding the tickets?

Yes of course you are right. The father has nothing to hide, on the contrary, and it is a good opportunity to be clear about family boundaries.

There is obviously still some hurt here which is understandable. But in a few years you’ll see how much better off you are.
The OW will be constantly worried he will do the same thing to her when she gets past her uselessness to him. He’s also going to have to fund and care for a young child when he really would probably be looking to wind down.
Maybe they are both super happy with how things are but I’d put money on things not being as perfect as they appear.

Get yourself some counciling, spend some time making yourself feel good (hair cut, gym, new clothes etc) and relish that you will soon have lots of time to do things you want to go and go places you want to see all while he’s cleaning up baby sick .

It's insensitive to accept, but most people would, if someone else is funding it you can't insist your children are included, I don't think it would be reasonable to insist your EXH refuses to take the holiday- tell him how devastated your kids are not to be included, and hope he gets the message.
I wouldn't hold your breath though, men move on far more completely than women do.

Sadly you are no longer together and some things come with that when either get involved with someone else. If he was paying you would have had an argument but as he isn't, you haven't.

Maybe he shouldn't have mentioned it just not to hurt the children but maybe they would have heard it from the other kids so either way the truth would have come out eventually one way or another.

If he'd had a baby before this you'd be criticised for disrupting SS's childhood so you can't win. It seems once you break up on MN, if you want more children then you're always wrong.

Agreed. I hope you can make this easier on your DC by not talking about how unfair this is. It's really not.

I can’t see anything to suggest OP thinks the Aunt should pay. To go to Disneyland or any holiday really with his step child and new baby and not take his own children would make him an absolute dick head. No mother would ever contemplate doing that! To suggest that OP taking his new child and step child on holiday is the equivalent makes no sense. These are HIS children.
shit happens and people have affairs and move, that alone doesn’t make them inherently bad people but to put the kids through all that and then do this is insane.

The point is he now has a new life and new family. The kids don't live with him full time. From your perspective he can never do anything fun without all his children?

I suppose in the same situation, I would not accept trip if all my kids cannot go. And i also believe you should not have more kids if you can't afford things you want for your existing ones

It's not dow to the aunt to fund.
But I do feel for ypur kids. As it seems dad is using his new families money. Looks like he cpuldnt make this happen if it was down to his funds. But that's his right. But that doesn't stop your own children being hurt as it sounds like a theme here is they are feeling left behind, or not treated equally and your ex isn't taking this into consideration even with just spending more time with them for reassurance?
It's doesn't matter your age. A parent leaving or not seeming to care hurts. Especially if your witnessing him managing to do this with his other children/family.
But that's on your ex. Not the ow or her bloody brilliant aunt!

This!

Bloody the step mother cats are out in force tonight.

The bitter ex wives have been well represented too.

Someone mentioned, earlier in this thread, about a debate current running on another thread, about who should/shouldn’t be invited to the panto. A different scenario but the same principle about whether relatives should/shouldn't invite a partners step child. I think it involves a niece and SIL.

I am trying to apply this scenario to my own family and have realised that if a nieces partner had step children i probably wouldn’t even know their names, let alone think about including them in events and holidays!! Where does it end - should the nieces partners step children’s cousins get invites???

This is one of the realities of step families. I promise you your children will only feel left out if you make this a thing

I agree! I didn’t even know step-cousins was thing until I read that thread! Technically I have step cousins but I can’t remember their names and never include them if someone asks about cousins.

I am sure they have their own cousins etc and don’t give me a second thought!

Far too many people expect their entire families or ex’s new partners family to fully embrace and treat their child as their family.

Apart from punishments obviously yet to see a parent tell the Ex’s new partner or the new step aunty she’s allowed to punish the new step relative as if one of their own. Only when treating and spending cash are they one of us.

Too many adults forcing families together so they can share a 10pm coffee and a bed together and then acting shocked when the child they previously had isn’t treated like they have been there since day one and couldn’t just drop off the face of the earth as fast as they arrived.

I couldn’t even tell you how many step cousins, nor when their birthdays are. In fact some of them could be dead and I’ve have no clue. They are off with their families. Only thing I could tell you if that at the last big family gathering many moons ago pre children. It was very boy heavy definitely out numbered the girls.

It’s not about the Aunt though. It’s about the Dad going with his new family and not taking his children. How many mothers would do that? If your new partners aunt offered to pay for you and your new child and stepson's holiday? Would you really leave your 2 other children with their dad for 2 weeks because “that’s the reality” be for real???? If this was a dad posting about a woman the replies would be different. The Aunt should not pay but both the new partner and the dad should have the brains to turn it down unless all children can go. Unless the dad also does not go and that’s the only way it would be fair. They have not considered the boys feelings in this at all and they will never forget it. Just as they’d never forget their mother doing the same.

This is the reality of being with a man with 2 children from a previous relationship 🤷🏻‍♀️

I personally would feel very guilty about leaving my own children behind.

I'd either not go (I think..) or hope that when I'm away their dad was also doing a trip with them and before I go or after have a fun trip with my own children..

I mean your just talking about the difference between mums and dads here let’s face it.

How many men with a 3/4/5/6 month old baby would happily go on a stag do over night or something. Where as mum couldn’t bare to be parted from her baby.

Mums majority care more about their children than dads full stop. Mums are more likely to stay in a poor relationship because of their children, while men will walk away for a new women and happily do EOW where as for most women that would be a horrific choice and she’d be slagged off to the high heavens.

So this weekend dad obviously sees nothing wrong with going away with his new Mrs and her/their children because at most he just misses one EOW which he may or may not offer to make up.

I do believe EXH should have declined the trip or paid himself for the DC to join.

It is a big family get-together with a chance to visit a place the DC have never been before and I probably won't be able to take them on a trip like this for a couple of years until I am in a better financial position if at all.

I could not imagine going on a trip with someone elses children and not my own.

I mean his a shit husband and shit father. He was never going to reject a free holiday or put himself out.