Pregnant after two months - keep it?

[BettyOops89]

I'm in a sticky situation and I don't know what to do.

Just found out that I'm pregnant, on Christmas Day.

I've been in my current relationship just two months, but it's the best connection I've ever had and see long term potential with this man.

I'm 36, have no other children and all I've ever wanted is to become a mum. Before this relationship I had spoken about going it alone because I didn't think I'd find anyone.

I've told him but he said the timing is all wrong. He's just finishing his Masters (mature student) and I'm in a secure job but don't earn tons. He's also from abroad on a student visa so pressure is on to find a proper job in the New Year so he can stay.

I think I would have help from family if the worst happened but I also don't want to lose this special relationship if he really doesn't want the baby right now.

What would you do?

Yeah. No contraception.

Well then use a condom.

He has a child on another continent. You shouldn’t even be considering a long term relationship with this man. He needs to return to his home country after completing his education so he can have a real
relationship with his child. If he doesn’t, is he really the kind of man you would want to be with, one who would leave his child behind like that?

if you want to keep this baby, you are looking at international custody agreements. The father might simply walk away, but what if he doesn’t. What if he wants his child to come visit. You may be prepared to be a single mother, but how do you feel about sending your child away every school break?

Out of curiosity how did you guys meet ? Its your decision OP but I would assume in my mind you will be doing it alone. If you are ok with it then have the baby.

Here’s a big question. Do you have this man on social media? If so, does he keep parts of it private, acknowledge/post about you? Anything at all, or is he willing to? Is his friends list and/or follow list private? Or does he tell you he isn’t on social media..?

These might not seem important but are very telling on if he has more than one partner/a wife back home. I’d be snooping if I were you.

Oh fgs. He could have used a condom then. Condoms are extremely good at preventing pregnancy when used properly.

I would stop worrying about if this man sticks with you and base my decision on whether you want this child or not. There's the risk you won't fall pregnant at later age (or you might who knows) but at your age I would stop thinking of what other people say/think and purely do what you want for yourself.

HaveNeverLivedintheCastle

ParsnipPuree
I wouldn't keep it as although you were both responsible, I do feel the father shouldn't be forced to bring a child into the world he doesn't want.. not fair on either of them.

Oh fgs. He could have used a condom then. Condoms are extremely good at preventing pregnancy when used properly.

So he made a mistake as did they both. Happens! That's why terminations are offered.

It's definetely a complicated one. You know you're more than capable of keeping it and going it alone but is that definetely what you want?

Another thing you have to consider is you may choose to keep it and the father may decide to be involved - but not with you. How would you feel about the potential of sharing custody? I share custody of my first born with my ex, and we get along really well, but it's still hard letting her go every weekend. Still hard having to share her during birthdays, holidays and other events. I can't imagine how much harder it would be if I didn't get along with my ex :(

I'd have a chat with him and explain your situation, explain you're happy to keep it and do it alone and see what he would want to do if you did decide to keep it x

Considering this man already has a child with another woman on another continent, I really don’t think he deserves sympathy. He is more than capable of using a condom presumably. Terminations do not exist to give MEN more options.

I think terminations exist to give anyone involved more options. It's more the unwanted child I have sympathy for, although know that there are some incredible single mothers.

No they don't. Terminations exist to give the person who is pregnant more options.

They exist to give women options. It sounds as though the OP wants a child, and has wanted to be a mother her whole life.

I would keep it. Especially if always wanted to be a mum.and was prepared to do it solo.

@BettyOops89 - you have to decide re keeping the baby based on going it alone. Your feelings for this man don’t really make sense and you have no real idea whether he is a long-term prospect; in fact, everything suggests he is not.

Also, you’ve been very casual with your sexual health having unprotected sex with a man you’ve only just got together with. I came of age when contracting HIV+ was a death sentence so it’s hard for me to understand how people can be so casual. The situation has improved by there are still STIs out there that can do real harm if untreated. You need to get tested for STIs and treated ASAP if any are present.

Where is he from. You don't know him well. If this turns nasty and he wants the child to also visit and know his family would you be ok with doing that for at least 18years? Would you be able to send your child to where he's from for weeks on end all the time?

You don't know him, but you know that he makes a good effort with his current child so what's stopping him from doing the same with this one despite what he says?

YOU want a child, but what is in the best interests for the future of this child.

Surely no one that isn't happy to get pregnant relies solely on tracking cycles?! You can get pregnant at literally any time of the month and anyone telling you differently hasn't spoken to literally a handful of people about when they got pregnant.

What? No. They exist to give the pregnant person options.

Keep.

Just because you easily got pregnant this time does not mean that you will again.
Keep your baby. Your relationship will work out the way it works out.
He chose to be intimate with you knowing that he had a child else where. Contraception or not intercourse can = pregnancy.
Have your baby.

This.
It's easy to add him onto the birth certificate later if he is a proper dad but it's basically impossible to remove him

They'll be so excited to get a grandchild

Amongst all the rosy tinted advice on here, if you do decide to continue with the pregnancy this is the most immediately important. The baby is potentially at risk of congenital herpes, gonorrhea and syphilis.

I agree although I would give baby dads surname as a middle name to help them feel connected to that side of the family (especially if you're white op it will be important for identity) if dads name is a middle name and he takes you to court to change it they're less likely to say no

You have absolutely no idea if that is true. My husband probably would be but I have no interest in becoming a grandmother. And I certainly wouldn't be coo'ing with enthusiasm if I had a daughter and she'd been as irresponsible as the OP has been.