Wish adult child would bloody well go home now!

[loveawineloveacrisp]

Arrived on Xmas Eve, comes as a package with small, very needy dog (who torments my dog, not to mention shits and pees everywhere) and boyfriend. Honestly I'm happy she still wants to spend Xmas with us but FFS just go home now. The constant cooking, clearing up, cleaning, everything in the fridge being demolished (including a full bottle of my gin that the BF has supped) is just driving me mad now. I'd like my house back please.

Is anyone else just taking deep breaths until it's time for their adult kids to leave or am I just horrible?

Nahhhh I bloody love having mine home. Youngest DD home from uni and eldest DD home visiting from Ireland and my house is full and noisy again, just as I like it. I love having them here and I love spoiling them. Although I guess I am lucky because they are considerate and help out and don't expect to be waited on hand and foot.

As I said, obviously I should have.

This makes me sad, I hate the thought of being away from my Dd (she’s only 6 though) 😂
I hope I don’t feel like this, maybe it’s inevitable you do when they get older?!

Couldn’t you just arrange how long she stays for before she arrives? And tell them not to drink your Gin. Ban the dog until it’s housetrained.

Feeling the same, except it is my MIL. Been here a week. Finally being taken home by H tomorrow. But, if he hadn't told her yesterday that it was time for her to go, she would be firmly staying.
Brought nothing except budget biscuits and her leftover fridge contents (half a pint of milk, some out of date melon, some brown bananas and half a lettuce). When I told her she needed have bothered, she said 'oh, you know I like to contribute'. 🙄🤣

"small, very needy dog (who torments my dog, not to mention shits and pees everywhere) "
Being my child would not override this. A dog that is not housetrained? That's a flat 'no'. She would HAVE to put it in kennels.

As for the gin, you'll know for next time that anything like that goes in the bottom of the wardrobe, or make space in your knicker-drawer for it. 'Oh, we finished that off in October!'

I get it OP. It’s feeling like your house has been taken over and you are being treated as the dogs body. I get very tetchy when we have anyone to stay and by day 4 I’m ready to be on my own/with my family who live her permanently. I like to think I wouldn’t feel like this about my children BUT the dog and the boyfriend would have really pissed me off with the lack of training and taking your gin!!! That’s outrageous rude of him wtf?! I’d never go to my in laws and touch alcohol without asking and still wouldn’t ask unless offered tbh.

Is she struggling for money? This made me feel sad for her, unless there’s some big backstory? All the elderly I know are really struggling at the moment with all the changes brought in to their fuel allowance etc.

No big backstory. She isn't wealthy but she isn't impoverished either. She just thinks that bringing her food that will be out of date before she goes home is helpful and counts as a contribution.

It should have said needn't have bothered, autocorrect fail.

Exactly at least your post hasn't been deleted for stating the obvious like mine was.

Four adult children and partners here and a couple of extra animals. It can get a bit overwhelming at times but I wouldn't be without them. - its not so often that I have them all togeher under one roof for a decent chunk of time.

I would say:

• no visiting animals unless both housetrained and genuinely welcome to all the other visitors
• they all muck in and help
• everyone is allowed to claim their own space for a bit, including me
• when they are all here for Christmas or similar most will also duck out for the odd afternoon/evening to catch up with old friends
• when they were younger adults/student age a quick reminder was forthcoming if they forgot to muck in but its long time since I needed to issue a reminder
• I wouldn't accept money from them but they all bring something anyway or sometimes they arrange a meal or two out and cover that

I don't remember telling them to do this tbh beyond the odd reminder at the "thoughtless" ages - mostly I think they learned by osmosis. Maybe DD is still at the stage of needing the reminders.

I honestly hope I don’t ever feel like this when Dd hopefully wants to come and stay with me when older. I also hate the thought of my mum thinking of me like this 🙈

I can understand how you feel OP. On the flip side, I overheard my mother say she wished I never joined her for Christmas. I consider myself to be a respectful and helpful guest. I have made a pact with myself ensure I won't be visiting for Christmas again, even if it means being alone. Shit hurts.

Obviously the untrained dog is a menace and drinking all the gin is a piss take but I have some sympathy for some of the guests on here. I much prefer to host Christmas than be the guest because I get to choose what we eat and how the day runs. Being a guest means meat cooked the day before and left to dry out, served cold with packet stuffing and instant gravy, and there is never enough (liquid, non alcoholic) to drink. Yes it's served with love and I always say thank you and compliment the chef (and ask what my contribution should be and bring exactly that along with gifts and extras).

Either there is nowhere to put your belongings or they are squirreled away to who knows where and god forbid you might want your shoes back early to get some fresh air briefly, they've been Put Away Safe. The thermostat is set to an insane temperature and you are not in charge of the kettle or the TV.

DS (19) lives with us and I adore him. However, after hosting 16 people on Christmas Eve and Christmas I finally sat down at 10pm on Christmas night, that's when he asked me " what's for dinner tomorrow?" At that point I considered putting him out on the streets

4 DC at uni at the same time? How?

@loveawineloveacrisp YANBU. I love the bones of my 2 DC, (now both around 30,) but I could NEVER have them staying with me/living with me again. (DH feels the same.) Once they're left that's it, they need to stay left! LOL!

I have a friend (also nearly 60 like me) and she has 3 adult DC still at home. One (mid-late 20s) has never left, another (early 30s) left for 3 years to live with girlfriend, relationship failed, and he came back this year, and the last one is in her mid 30s and left home 5 years ago, then came back this year too.

3 adult children (aged 26/27 to 35,) still living at home, when you're nearly 60?! LOL, fuck that shit! My friend was going to downsize to a small 2 bed bungalow (from a large 4 bed house) last year. She wishes she had now. I would find this intolerable. I don't know how she is coping. She works in a 24/7-365 days a year business, and chose to work all over Christmas! 10 hour days, 23rd to 28th December!!! (Rather than be in her own home!) She is married, but her DH is a soft as a brush and says nothing. Just lets the 'kids' rule the roost! The older 2 don't even contribute anything, as they're 'brassick' apparently. (Oldest one has no job now, and middle one is part time. The youngest one is the only one who gives any 'board' money!)

Of course me and DH would be there for either of our DC if they were desperate/had nowhere to live and they could come back 'home.' But I wouldn't want it to be for long. After 12-13 years with just us two, me and DH wouldn't want it to go back to having our kids living with us (and quite honestly, they would rather eat their own head than move back in!) I think it's really bad to keep coming back again and again. My friend's oldest has left and come back 3 times in the last 12 years now!

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Don't wait for her to realise, if her and her boyfriend are in stable employment then next time say what they need to bring - gin, 3 bottles of wine and three stood size pieces of cheese at a minimum.

She really does not need to "think herself lucky".

It's really not her fault that you and other parents have crappy relationships with their adult 'children'.

Doesn't sound like she's that fussed about seeing you then. Just tell her no bf next year and you'll probably never see her again-problem solved.

Oh god, wish mine would stay longer

we contribute. it might sound like a silly thing, but I do the sprouts, because I make them best, and I provide a very substantial cheeseboard from an amazing local cheesemongers. I also bring all my own lager, can't expect them to foot the bill for that.
my husband will clear the table and do the dishwasher, and generally make himself helpful. wouldn't dream of just showing up and not contributing or helping out.
when everyone lived in the same village, we'd do the veg prep the night before. everyone joins in and helps out, both with costs and workload

@LikeWhoUsesTypewritersAnyway that sounds horrendous and is not something I'd tolerate.

We're planning to move overseas when we retire. Not to escape adult kids, but to start the next chapter of our lives. You deserve that time to yourself in retirement.

@WhoUsesTypewritersAnyway there is a middle ground. Our DC are 30 and 26 now. The eldest is married, the youngest in an established relationship.

DS lived at home for a year between his first degree and his Masters. Both DC were home during Covid (Both at uni during Covid). DD is here half the time and half the time at her boyfriend's. Both DD and her boyfriend lived at home until last summer, whilst they were completing professional qualifications. Through want rather than need because they are from functional, supportive families.

I like having the children here and they like visiting their family home.

There will always be a home for our children, whatever their age and whatever has happened.

DH and in our early/mid 60s and both still working. Our children will never stop being our children and closest family.

Us too. Their family home, our home remains their home for the rest of their lives if they want/ need it.

@RosesAndHellebores Exactly. My home is their home. I’d do anything for them x