Wish adult child would bloody well go home now!

[loveawineloveacrisp]

Arrived on Xmas Eve, comes as a package with small, very needy dog (who torments my dog, not to mention shits and pees everywhere) and boyfriend. Honestly I'm happy she still wants to spend Xmas with us but FFS just go home now. The constant cooking, clearing up, cleaning, everything in the fridge being demolished (including a full bottle of my gin that the BF has supped) is just driving me mad now. I'd like my house back please.

Is anyone else just taking deep breaths until it's time for their adult kids to leave or am I just horrible?

My sister (mid 20s) has always been like this. But she’s the youngest by years (10 years younger than me) and has always been spoilt so it’s standard for her. She NEVER brings any alcohol or food for any lunch/occasion not just Christmas but her and her boyfriend will happily get through gallons of ours. Never offers to help prepare anything, wash up, just sits there like a princess and doesn’t lift a finger. My other sister and her partner couldn’t be more different.

If I’m going to someone’s house for lunch or dinner or whatever, I always bring wine, usually two bottles of good stuff not cheap shit and offer to bring dessert, cheeses etc and always offer to help the host even if they decline. It’s basic manners to me regardless if they are friends or family.

I guess the season of goodwill is over 🤣

21 is still young - even as a fully-formed adult at 62 I'm still capable of not being the 'perfect person'; although I'm yet to meet one.

So your beloved DD's bf drank all your gin, which wasn't a great thing to do. I'd spec his explanation first, he may well feel remorse for being such a dickhead, after all spending xmas with your gf/bf's rellys is a big chance to take and can be stressful.

If you're still not assuaged then ask your DD about it; just to check that she's not caught up in an abusive relationship.

Other than that all I can suggest is chill OP, just chill.

My young adult dd is a delight. Generous, considerate, respectful. Doesn't take stuff for granted. But honestly, I worked hard to raise her that way. She will always be welcome in my home for as long as she wants to be there.

Give them a year or two. I'm not sure I would have thought to contribute to dinner when I was in my early 20s. Not even sure I would have brought wine. Obviously I should have and have made up for it since.
I think it's the seeing of parents as people as well as the nurturers and providers of our youth.
Wouldn't have the unhouse-trained dog, though, or in a closed off space on newspaper only-and I'm a long term dog owner.

I love having my adult son and his partner to stay. He usually stays longer than her as she has to work at some point over Xmas (nurse) and he doesn't ( teacher). She went after lunch yesterday, he's staying until after lunch tomorrow.
This is the first year that DS bought some supplies with him, to cook for us on Xmas Eve and tonight, which is lovely for me not to have to cook for a couple of days. I usually cook the whole time for him as he does all the cooking when he's in his own home so I like to spoil him a bit.
They are completing on their first property next month and we've been promised we'll go there for Xmas next year. We shall see!

I think a lot of this can be to do with unspoken misunderstandings...I hosted Christmas for my extended family and certainly felt miffed when one family of 5 plus dog who stayed for 5 nights brought nothing and another couple who also stayed for 5 nights only brought a single bottle of Asti Spumante.

But I know if I had asked them they would happily have brought a lot more...I just didn't ask and they didn't think to bring as their concept was they were 'being hosted', and I imagine they think that, as family, the usual process of bringing contributions or thank you gifts doesn't apply 🤷‍♂️
So I did feel resentful, but I know I could have avoided that if I had been explicit, and they did help with cooking and clearing up.

At 21, I wasn't really contributing to Christmas, I was a student and my mum loved having me home.

However the boyfriend sounds like the problem. My mum wouldn't have accepted a boyfriend there for so long, especially a rude one.

Frankly, I didn't bring a boyfriend home for Christmas until mid 20s AND we were very serious i.e. he was my future husband.

It's a different dynamic when a boyfriend comes too. You can't parent him the way you can parent your own daughter.

What an entitled, rude, disrespectful Madam.
Why aren't you dealing with this behaviour?

Agree with this.

I had a bf to stay in the Xmas/NY interregnum when I was 19 and back from uni and it was a total disaster. I think I would say no to the same request from my own child. The dynamics are so off at that age.

Not really. Had a lovely, calm, chilled time with my DD (30). Went to cabin on holiday park. Cabin was reasonably well equipped, TV etc though we didn't watch much and had its own hot tub. It's been a truly awful year and we enjoyed the peace of our little bubble. No real cooking, just nice ready meals. Gentle bliss. She's gone home now but said she wished we could have stayed for longer.

Really? I had endless messages from 21 year old DS AND 30 year old DD about what shall they bring etc DSs girlfriend also brought J2Os and box of biscuits. He brought drinks lurpak butter etc.

And neither stayed overnight

She lives with the BF and they are pretty much joined at the hip. She wouldn't come without him.

What's a relly?

See, I don't get that and would find it extremely rude. Being hosted doesn't mean you don't bring anything at all to the hosts. Rather, its the opposite and you bring something at least and even more ( a lot more) if it's 5 days! Where i come from you bring a packet of biscuits, at least, even if just dropping in for a cup of tea.

@Soonenough Found the readymade snowballs in Morrisons. No cherry but that would be fabulous!!! New Years Eve sorted 😂😂

a relative

This post has really made me think-
We have 4 aged 24-29 here-three of my DC and DIL. As well as a soon to be DIL who is in and out.
I love having them and look forward to and plan for months ahead of time.
We have had a great christmas -really nice day, lunch-charades and quizzes and turkey sandwiches in the evening and it honestly couldn't have gone any better. They do all help-with the prep/cooking/clearing up etc

Having said that everyone has to adjust.
They do revert a bit to their younger selves when home and in the same way we have to adjust to everyone piling home they have to adjust to being back here and not in their own homes.
Everyone does things slightly differently at their own homes and we have to figure out a way to alll rub along together again.

We are a very noisy family-especially when playing games or watching the football and poor ddog has taken himself off to a quiet corner to escape.
It made me realise how quiet our house usually is and that it is def noisy and a bit hectic but am looking the other way at the way they do things which are absolutely fine but just not my way because I know it doesn't last long and I will miss them terribly.

Ah ok😀 Thanks!

loveawineloveacrisp
Well aren't you just a little ray of sunshine? 😂

I'd say probably not. I never did when my parents were alive, my sister hosts now and I always offer to bring something or give her money towards to food but she always refuses. Likewise with the cooking/cleaning, offer and am refused (but her useless DH only empties the bin and does the washing up so I never offer to do those 😂).

I’d agree with that @MsCactus - we are in the seventh year of hosting now and they come for three days and our house feels like a cruise ship and they are getting their money’s worth 😂😂😂 ( no money exchanges hands just to clarify)

My adult daughter is home for a while been over six months now and although it does change the dynamic’s of the house it’s great having her home . I think everyone’s different and you can only go with your own feelings I dread the day we have an empty house at Christmas while other friends love it.

I feel you! We've had two adult dc plus their partners here for several days over Christmas and the last one left this morning.

I love them all including partners and enjoy their company, but I do end up constantly clearing up/making sure there's food on the go etc, and I'm very much enjoying the peace and quiet this afternoon!