Wish adult child would bloody well go home now!

[loveawineloveacrisp]

Arrived on Xmas Eve, comes as a package with small, very needy dog (who torments my dog, not to mention shits and pees everywhere) and boyfriend. Honestly I'm happy she still wants to spend Xmas with us but FFS just go home now. The constant cooking, clearing up, cleaning, everything in the fridge being demolished (including a full bottle of my gin that the BF has supped) is just driving me mad now. I'd like my house back please.

Is anyone else just taking deep breaths until it's time for their adult kids to leave or am I just horrible?

Sorry to hear that but absolutely no relevance to the OPs problem.

YANBU @loveawineloveacrisp I have 4 adult children and some of their partners. It's a lot and despite them all being fairly considerate, I need a bit of space from them now.

They should be helping and the dog should be in kennels. They should have bought more booze to share, at least a bottle of wine per meal, chocolates and flowers. That's what our DC do although we don't expect it and would never ask for a Contribution to food. Just as my mother never would have.

TBF IL's always came empty handed fkr a week at a time and ate and supped all. Their daughters are exactly the same. DH was licked into shape decades ago.

@loveawineloveacrisp what has your dd seen you do when visiting people? I do think they learn by example and if yiur dd hasn't, you need to set clear boundaries. Certainly when mine are home and offer to help, I always find them a job. If they didn't offer I'd give them one.

These aren't children without income, These are adults! Also, why does OP have to pay for the boyfriend's eating, especially him helping himself in her house.
My adult son and his partner wouldn't act like this, and nor do I when I go to his house..always take stuff, more than I'd eat.

Fortunately mine pitch in with cooking and clearing. They are all youngish so don't have ££ and buy decent presents.

well she needs to stop griping think herself lucky so yes it does help get a different perspective

I've had my mum staying since 23rd....I was incredibly glad to have taken her home this morning....!!!

Grit your teeth and get through it. These days, it’s all too easy to have your adult kids cut you off. She’s still young, I’d just let her get away with this. Next time perhaps have a pack of puppy pads to hand when she comes.

I'm sorry your children have been so thoughtless but it's not a race to the bottom.

What on earth? It's about making a contribution, a concept adults should understand, not grabbing or being on the make. What a strange perspective.

Are you a selfish adult by any chance?

@Wishingplenty

”on the make” lol as if OP’s daughter and partner are gonna continue anywhere near the amount OP will spend on Christmas! You’re acting like she’s gonna be quids in or something 🤣

That sounds very hard.
But do you text them and go to see them, and take an interest in their lives and support them emotionally?

If you are a father who left them, there are adult children who retain the hurts of being left- or if ''partners'' took the parent's attention, rather than the kids.{Just thinking why adult children wouldn't contact their parent.

Horribly some dysfunctional people are hot on 'no contact'...a more modern syndrome.

If there are resentments, apologise and try to talk it out?

Have you reached out to them?

Adult children should contribute far more than she has, but if she hasn’t then that’s on you I’m afraid.
Children need to be taught the value of things, taught to be a gracious and generous house guest etc, by their parents. I would have planned in advance what food/drinks everyone was bringing and who was cooking what with them, so expectations were clear.

They're must be a reason they're not in touch. Or maybe they're selfish buggers.

I love having mine back for a little while. They love coming home too. I don't mind the extra work at all and everyone helps out in any case.

Also, in this instance, I'd really strive to find the reason why the adult children {especially more than one} aren't contacting a parent..and trying to heal that rift.

@Applepoop

Just how much should Op tolerate though to not be cut off?

21 year old lives here, 23 year old has been here since the 21st and leaves on the 31st, 25 year old and 28 year old husband have been here since the 22nd and leave on the 29th, their 23 year old friend came on Christmas eve and leaves today.

i do love having them home though

If they didn't help with tidying up and just let you wait on them hand and foot, then no, you are not being unreasonable.

Maybe in future, tell them to make their visits a maximum of just two days. Tell them your home is not a hotel, so help with chores please ...

If I go to my parents for Christmas, I cook part of the Christmas lunch, and at least 1 meal every other day for everyone (we take turns with my siblings), I ask before taking any drinks or food and replace it if necessary, and clean after myself.

It would be a great opportunity to teach your adult daughter not to be a rude guest.

Our 25 year old has been here for almost a week. I’m sure he’ll get bored of us before we tire of him.

Tell her to replace your gin. She may be your child but her bf isn't and is a CF for drinking it when he didn't contribute anything.

The not helping out is on you unfortunately, she should have been used to helping before she even left home not to return as a lazy, inconsiderate adult. Time for an adult discussion that she isn't a child anymore and you are not her dogsbody nor is your fridge a free for all. Adults who visit over the holidays pull their weight and contribute to the food bill.

We have specific responsibilities for ours (teens) and when we visit family for celebrations we also have specific contributions so it doesn't all lie on the hosts.

And to house train their shitting, pissing dog.

NO one wants a dirty dog {or cat} in the house, especially when they have pets, as it can upset the resident pets who can feel invaded by the shitter.

It's not nice for clean dogs to have a dirty dog pissing and messing in their home.