Wish adult child would bloody well go home now!

[loveawineloveacrisp]

Arrived on Xmas Eve, comes as a package with small, very needy dog (who torments my dog, not to mention shits and pees everywhere) and boyfriend. Honestly I'm happy she still wants to spend Xmas with us but FFS just go home now. The constant cooking, clearing up, cleaning, everything in the fridge being demolished (including a full bottle of my gin that the BF has supped) is just driving me mad now. I'd like my house back please.

Is anyone else just taking deep breaths until it's time for their adult kids to leave or am I just horrible?

Talk to her. Tell her your expectations. Change that dynamic from parent to child to adult to adult. She'll contribute more if she is told it's expected of her. Otherwise she'll happily remain the provided-for child. You can't just expect her to change the dynamic on her own.

I had mine here Christmas Day and Boxing Day but made it very clear that the 27th was a day for me to have some peace and quiet and they wouldn't be welcome. I enjoy their visits but two days is my limit I think.

I've got 2. Love it when they arrive, love it when they leave 🤣

WTF? Are you an entitled greedy adult child who expects her mother to fully entertain you, feed you and clean up after you and your boyfriend and untrained dog every Christmas while you just eat and drink everything and make a mess for your mother to clean your dogs piss and shit all Christmas?

In your place I would have a gentle chat with dd outlining the next time she comes she and bf will need to help out and cook. I would say you have loved looking after her, and very pleased she came but you are feeling tired and would be glad of some help now.

Give her and bf 2/3 jobs to do - including stripping and washing their bed tomorrow op. This will alleviate some of the tension immediately and set the tone for their next visit.

It’s not a hotel and you shouldn’t be doing everything. A reset is needed.

Suggest they cook tonight and take a break. Go out for a few hours. A change of scenery. Return refreshed and ready to cheerily wave them off tomorrow.

Not really, because your children don’t text you doesn’t mean she has to sit back and take every selfish behaviour from her children.

You focus on rebuilding the relationship with your children.

I feel you to an extent. My eldest has arrived and drank copious amounts of alcohol inc champagne, leaves her mess everywhere, hasn’t lifted a finger and is now back in bed with some boy who arrived yesterday and is now avoiding leaving!

To top it off dh made them a fry up and most of it was emptied in the bin! (So I guess she has done something)

I believe she is leaving tomorrow (thank god!)

Not children but in-laws. Didn’t bring anything to contribute and then drank all the beer, wine, snowballs ( my Christmas guilt pleasure) and the Baileys miniatures

they were disappointed there wasn’t a bottle of Baileys. Normally they open it and take it home with them.

I thought I got around it by buying them as gifts but that stash was quickly moved to the bedroom to go home unopened.

surely they realise when you tell them?

If you have never set a precedent of contributing to Christmas, she is not going to magically realise that she “has to” at any stage in life. You’re the parent, you set the standard.

If I’m being honest they probably think they’re doing you a favour by seeing you at Christmas. It’s likely they could have done their own thing. If you find that offensive and you’re happy to have Christmas on different terms, have a conversation with them.

People get so fed up of their own kids as soon as they stop being small and cute. Do wonder why people bother having them.

Oh god why are you putting up with this?

Sometimes they just need to mature a bit . Honestly just enjoy it, it’s great that she wants to be with you, you’ll no doubt miss her when she leaves.

❤️

@Sodullincomparison

That is so cheeky of them!

You should hide your stash next year in your bedroom and nip upstairs for a drink 😂

haha! I could have written this post.. I've got my 25yr old son home with his boyfriend and crazy dog.. they've contributed their weekly food budget which helps but they've not lifted a finger.. am exhausted tbh

I agree with this. We all revert to our family roles when we go “home” but in my family’s case that means my brother automatically lays the table for meals because that was always his job, I cook because that was mine, etc.

Their food and drink is a free for all on parental say-so, though We all bring contributions that are accepted with bafflement, put aside, and we’re offered their nicer things. Their pensions outstrip our incomes! Still wouldn’t arrive empty-handed and we’d replace anything that ran out.

Next time, set out the expectations beforehand – how long are you planning to stay? Which meals do you want to cook? Could you bring the wine and puddings, we’ll sort the rest. Etc.

Just smile and book a cruise for next Christmas

We were just saying how fabulous it was having our adult son home and spending time with him, also how peaceful it is now that he has gone home again 😁.

Always, always, always book / invent something for the day after Boxing Day.
Make it something any visitors would hate that involves a long boring journey.
Bell ringing out in the cold.
Litter picking along a dual carriageway.
Picking up poo in a dog rescue centre.
Opera
One of those awful Christmas lectures you could have read in 5 minutes on Wikipedia but choose to spend 2 hours sat on a hard seat.
A very long outdoor guided walk about drainpipes.

Cant be just me who does this……

Do adults ever "contribute" when they stay somewhere for Christmas? I'm in my early 30s and never have at my parents.

However, now we have young DC we're starting to host Christmas - which means my parents come stay and we cook food for them. I don't expect my parents to "contribute" - isn't it just whoever hosts does Christmas (and the associated cost, effort etc)

@Agix

so you have to tolerate all manner of poor behaviour from your offspring otherwise it means you shouldn’t have bothered having them?!

I've spent the last few days with my parents. The first question I got asked was "when do you plan on going home?" We had our Christmas dinner yesterday and I said "after I've been fed!" Finished watching the football and went home.

It feels a bit mean tbh!

How old is adult! 21 or 45? My response would be very different depending on the answer.

I think it’s natural to feel like this. Christmas is intense and you are all pretty much on top of each other for hours on end. When you’re used to your own space, it’s bound to get overwhelming and that’s without the peeing dog and gin consuming boyfriend. I find I’m pretty much ready to leave by Boxing Day morning.

Yikes. That's shocking.