Wish adult child would bloody well go home now!

[loveawineloveacrisp]

Arrived on Xmas Eve, comes as a package with small, very needy dog (who torments my dog, not to mention shits and pees everywhere) and boyfriend. Honestly I'm happy she still wants to spend Xmas with us but FFS just go home now. The constant cooking, clearing up, cleaning, everything in the fridge being demolished (including a full bottle of my gin that the BF has supped) is just driving me mad now. I'd like my house back please.

Is anyone else just taking deep breaths until it's time for their adult kids to leave or am I just horrible?

Why wouldn't you at least offer? We always contribute something to try to ease the burden on whoever's hosting. I'll make stuffing, for example, or the starter and take a couple of bottles of wine for the table. It baffles me why you wouldn't.

What did you contribute?
What did you do to help?
Were you good company at the dinner table?
Have you done enough to lessen the load?

If you are sat slumped watching football and chowing down their food you can hardly be surprised they are not relishing your company!!
🤷‍♀️

I'd be gutted if my parents were talking about me like this.

Ahh, sounds like your DD needs a bit of a talk about how to be a good guest!

Mine are home and have done most of the cooking-they have been really helpful.

@AshCrapp

but would you behave in the same way as OP’s daughter and boyfriend are?

Well op wouldn’t have to if her dd and bf were more helpful

One of mine didn't make it, the other is in his bedroom working and going back tomorrow and the third is here for three more weeks. I'm sad about the first, understanding but wish they could stay longer with the second and thrilled with the third. So YANBU and you should have told the BF not to drink it all.

How old OP?
Young adult (under 25) I went "home" for Christmas, Easter etc if I wasn't working. We were never expected to contribute as such but always brought booze or treats.

As a fully fledged adult, we alternate years with parents, in-laws, and our house, so it all evens out over the years. Those visiting still bring alcohol or food gifts and maybe dessert etc. We usually take a box of locally made deli type foods (and oodles of wine)

Geez! I hope my parents don't feel this way about me & my siblings when we visit with our children!
Although, generally, we don't expect to be waited on, we do our best to help out & ensure our children aren't complete pests!
Although, if we are stayingthe night, we might indulge in the consumption of copious amounts of alcohol - we try to make up for it in gifting them the stuff we like to drink too 😅

Bit mean.

We did Christmas Eve to Boxing Day at DH parents. Took 6 bottles of wine, a pudding, prepped and cooked all veg and got a Housesitter for the dog. It’s just basic manners. Next year ask in advance for cheese/dessert/wine etc as her contribution !

Because they're family? My DH cooks Christmas dinner at my parents now because he loves cooking - and as I say most years we host now, so my parents don't do it anymore I don't expect my parents to contribute to that at all. And I didn't contribute as a 20-something adult.

I also agree with pp that particularly as a young adult you probably don't want to go home for Christmas that desperately - so OP should speak to her DD, because it's likely she'd be happy to do her own thing next year if OP finds it annoying.

I have just said goodbye to my guests after 5 days and it’s bliss! Had an old family member who cannot help but is quite demanding, and a very selfish step daughter who is absolutely lovely in lots of ways but very spoilt and gets away with doing nothing. Also have sons around who have been working a lot so I haven’t expected them to do much. I’m exhausted and skint. My boyfriend has done loads he’s brilliant. But every year I say never again it’s all too much! It’s like the normal house and mental load on steroids

I went to my dm’s for one meal on Boxing Day and felt uncomfortable there, like we were a nuisance. I think it comes across if you’re not happy so I’m surprised she hasn’t picked up on it.
I would hate anyone to feel like that in my home but understand that having their dog doing that must be stressful.

In the week before Christmas when DH and I were busy and stressed with work, DC1 was back from uni and took on all the laundry, housework and cooked dinner for us. It was so nice to be looked after for a change. DC2 has been working up to late Christmas Eve and both have study and exams coming up. I am more than happy to have a few days to cook
fuss over over them as it is only a few days before we all go back to busy lives.

Quick, invent some disruptive activity like decorating or redoing the bathroom that you are now going to start tomorrow so that they'll have to clear out. You can always explain later that the B&Q order didn't arrive on time so you ended up putting it off...

Dd bought desert snacks and helped a little mostly by entertaining her nd brothers

you sound similar to my parents... they insist on doing everything themselves, but at the same time get resentful that I don't do anything around the house, but somehow expect me to read their mind as to what it is that they want, as they refuse to communicate clearly like adults.

Had this all growing up, they never once set us aside to teach how to do things, I suspect out of control freakery, unhappiness at seeing us grow out of childhood (i.e. easily controlled), and a secret pleasure they get in playing the poor put upon parents. So I taught myself, eventually, upon moving out.

I suspect that yours is a typical dysfunctional family that never talks about anything in an open and frank manner, and that you all no doubt harbour decades long suppressed rage at each other. Hopefully they've picked up on your resentment and won't bother visiting next year, so you can spend Xmas alone being miserable which it seems is what you actually want.

Careful what you wish for!

The constant cooking, clearing up, cleaning,

Is all part of hosting however as a guest I wouldn’t dream of not offering to help clear after dinner or helping prepare a meal. Before your DD left home would she ever help with anything or is this new behaviour because she thinks she’s a guest? You obviously shouldn’t have to ask for help but did you ask “DD will you set the table/wash the pots/do anything?”

Mine came laden with cheese, wine, posh biscuits for cheese, fancy chocolates, pâté. However, they have become their teen selves again and had a screaming row within hours of arriving. DD1 draped herself on the sofa, like the princess she is, and DD2 rolled up her sleeves, made mince pies, sausage rolls and did the veg. Cue another row about how lazy DD1 is. We told DD1 that she was doing the washing up, as she hadn’t done anything else. Much hysteria when she realised that the dishwasher had packed up…

Surely when you ask her to.

If I go for a big meal or stay over at my parents I don't take contributions, though will bring wine.

I've just had family to stay and didn't expect any contributions. I told them so in advance too.

I agree about the dog behaviour not being welcome.

I think having to accommodate an incontinent dog would tip anyone over the edge.

I think the issue here is that she brought her dog. It really shouldn’t be assumed that it is okay to bring dogs to someone’s house, even if they have a dog of their own. Were they not embarrassed when it shat / pissed inside?

The rest of the stuff is just Christmas and would be much less annoying without the dog. Some of the suggestions are a bit wild - can you imagine locking gin away so guests couldn’t drink it?