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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH asking if I had a nice Christmas irks me

259 replies

RainbowDr0p · 27/12/2024 10:04

I know I am probably BU but wondering if I am alone in this?!

We've had a lovely few days, Christmas's ice skating, mulled wine and shopping in York then lovely Christmas day and pizza hut, shopping and a panto yesterday. Everyone in good spirits.

On Christmas evening, DH asked if I had a nice day. I bit my tongue and said yes, have you?" and he said yes too. Last night he asked if I had a nice Christmas and I said I had but I hated being asked that as had I given any indication otherwise? He said he was just trying to make conversation and I told him he's not my hairdresser! We didn't row or anything and moved on just fine.

I've realised he asks this a lot after we have had nice days or unusual days. AIBU in thinking it's an unimaginative - maybe praise seeking - question?!!!

OP posts:
STOPCOLLABERATEANDLISTEN19 · 27/12/2024 15:06

TitaniasAss · 27/12/2024 14:01

Grown women talking about the 'ick' is far more off-putting IMO.

Oh thank god someone said that

BettyBardMacDonald · 27/12/2024 15:40

RemusLupinsBiggestGroupie · 27/12/2024 14:00

God, you sound horrible. You don’t like him very much, do you? It sounds as if he’s just looking for a bit of communication and connection.

If this is real, you need to work a bit harder at your relationship- or admit that you no longer like him and leave.

Poor man.

Agree with this. I can imagine that he constantly goes around feeling deflated and despised.

This relationship is on thin ice.

Melodyfair · 27/12/2024 15:42

Do you have somewhere safe to go to OP? Get your passports and any legal documents out of the house and into the home of a trusted friend, call woman’s aid. I’m sick of reading how men treat women on here, I’d be crying and shaking if I were you. I was trapped in an abusive relationship like this, fucker asked me politely if I’d like a custard cream with my tea, I left that abusive situation immediately!

JESUS!

Oioisavaloy27 · 27/12/2024 15:48

Your not neuro diverse stop making excuses for the way you treat people l.

WasThatACorner · 27/12/2024 16:56

Good job @Oioisavaloy27 is here with an expert opinion!

Plastictrees · 27/12/2024 17:04

Ha, I find these sort of inane questions irritating too OP you are not alone! I know it is a ‘me’ issue though so I try to hide my annoyance. In my mind it’s been obvious it’s been a nice day so why ask?! It’s different if DH comments on what a nice day he/we have had.

And no, not ‘ND’ 🙄

SabreIsMyFave · 27/12/2024 18:45

@RainbowDr0p What a weird thing to get uptight and irked about. Confused

You genuinely sound like hard work OP. Your poor DH. Sad

Caroparo52 · 27/12/2024 20:01

Maybe he needs some confirmation that he's doing it right and pleasing you. Maybe you need to nip it in the bud and say how much you'd enjoyed yourself before he asks. Give feed back as you go along

latetothefisting · 27/12/2024 22:05

the more I think about it, the more I wonder what the poor DH could ask to start a conversation!

what would be okay op?
If he didn't say anything at all about Christmas once it was over? Seems a bit miserable! How about other topics, would asking if you enjoyed a night out/holiday/etc be okay?

ByHardyAquaFox · 27/12/2024 23:48

Frankly, it is not normal to get annoyed by this. I wonder whether there may be some underlying mental health issues here. Do you always have a tendency to get angry for no apparent reason? You could be suffering from depression or BPD.

hazelnutvanillalatte · 28/12/2024 00:01

Weird

Stickystickysticky · 28/12/2024 10:13

Sounds like you're high maintenance and your poor husband is desperate to keep you happy, he's asking for fear whatever occasion hasn't met your expectations.

Greenfinger555 · 28/12/2024 18:10

My DP and I frequently ask this, and it's never made me feel annoyed. I ask him as a kindness, so that he knows I care about him.

Olderbutt · 28/12/2024 18:18

Neither do I. Please be grateful that he asks!

Nikki75 · 28/12/2024 18:24

Isn't that what you ask each other or comment on the day / evening / night out anyway.
At least he is engaging with you maybe he feels he needs more from you than just a straight yes.
If I got a blunt answer like yes and no chat I'd think something was wrong.

Sunshineandoranges · 28/12/2024 18:25

You aren’t the happiest bunny in the warren

MaroonedinWales · 28/12/2024 19:45

You don't think it could just be his awkward attempt at a subtle way of requesting a favourite sexual service or some spice in the bedroom if you had a nice day/Christmas etc.?
Friends of ours - both on the mildly autistic end of the spectrum - divorced before learning that the husband did not feel able to speak openly about his wants and needs. Talking may have helped but only if both had felt able to be open and unjudged.
I am absolutely not suggesting this is a likely scenario, but that having an open non-judgemental conversation about reason he asks this would be worth consideration soon.

Emonade · 28/12/2024 20:33

I am waiting for assessment for autism and I find it so annoying when my DP asks me this question. Totally unreasonable but I have told him I need processing time/time alone with things etc and it has helped

Lalalalalalalalalalaoohoohwee · 28/12/2024 20:50

My partner and I ask each other this all the time, it's a way of checking in with each other. This sounds like a you problem OP.

2Rebecca · 28/12/2024 23:26

I think it would be less annoying if the person asking gave their own opinion first. I'd generally say " I really enjoyed that did you?" Although I'd only ask if we didn't know how the other felt. Generally we can tell by each other's expressions if we're happy or not and asking what you thought of something is more commonly done if watching a play or concert or something when we can't see each other's faces and make it obvious how we're feeling.

NorthSouthLondon · 29/12/2024 00:52

Well, if you did not have a nice evening, you could certainly reply so, what's the problem? Or say that it was a nice evening but for something which was not great, or that it was just ok.

Sometimes people will ask just because they cannot read other people's mind.
One could have had a great evening and their partner could have had a not so great evening, but kept a smile and soldiered on.
Maybe they had a bad back, maybe they were not as comfortable with the guests as their partner was, maybe they are worried about something.

It is pretty normal to ask, often it is just a sign of affection and respect. Maybe you partner wants to make sure that you are actually ok?
If you had a bad evening without him realising, would you be happier with him assuming that of course you had a great evening?

ThatNavyGoose · 29/12/2024 08:41

Poor guy!

Ifyouwannabemylover · 29/12/2024 08:55

I think it’s kind? He’s asking how you feel.. what’s wrong with that!! What a weird thing to be bothered about! Some men don’t give a shit! You should be grateful he cares!

PhilosophicalCheeseSandwich · 29/12/2024 09:05

I think it would be less annoying if the person asking gave their own opinion first. I'd generally say " I really enjoyed that did you?"

That's not the best way to get someone's honest opinion.

TheEveningSun · 29/12/2024 10:14

Is it a cultural thing? My English DP always asks me that on special occasions or like an obvious statement/question - are you having your lunch? Reading your book? - seeing me reading a book 😀 I just laugh at that for him being English and started doing it to him just for a laugh. I’m not British and we never ask if someone enjoyed the day if we were part of that day and clearly saw if someone had a good time. There are many things like that in English culture - like the “how do you do” question, no one is expecting to hear “oh I’m having a bad day” 😀