DH asking if I had a nice Christmas irks me

[RainbowDr0p]

I know I am probably BU but wondering if I am alone in this?!

We've had a lovely few days, Christmas's ice skating, mulled wine and shopping in York then lovely Christmas day and pizza hut, shopping and a panto yesterday. Everyone in good spirits.

On Christmas evening, DH asked if I had a nice day. I bit my tongue and said yes, have you?" and he said yes too. Last night he asked if I had a nice Christmas and I said I had but I hated being asked that as had I given any indication otherwise? He said he was just trying to make conversation and I told him he's not my hairdresser! We didn't row or anything and moved on just fine.

I've realised he asks this a lot after we have had nice days or unusual days. AIBU in thinking it's an unimaginative - maybe praise seeking - question?!!!

Have you ever heard of the “bitch eating chicken” effect?
It’s when you grow to dislike someone so much everything they do irritate you eg “look at that bitch eating chicken”. Are you happy in your marriage op?

Sounds like you are over reacting to an innocuous question. Maybe think about why that is.

DH and I ask each other this all the time. It’s just a conversation opener to discuss the best bits, the funny bits, the people we were with or anything else. It’s also a way of just checking in and making a note of what to tweak/do differently if we do something similar again.

I feel a bit sorry for him getting a snippy reply.

Maybe he thinks you're bloody hard to please..

I am so glad that most people on here chose YABU. Makes me think there might be some sense in the world

Mn is such a weird place sometimes. There's men treating women like crap and the woman comes here wondering if it's normal...

And then you have threads like this where the guy is just asking if Op had a nice day. Unless there's a huge backstory how how he forced you to do all this Christmas work and won't let you get out of it... YABU OP.

You need to figure out why you feel like this and find a way to convey your feelings while also taking his into account.

What a bastard.

My DH does this, I think it's a bad habit or 'silence filler'. Similar to him asking 50 times a day what we're having for tea tomorrow only to be reminded nothing as he'll be at work.

I tend to respond by asking "why, did you think I looked miserable, did I not look happy" and that gets him in a tizzy in case he says the wrong thing 🤣.

I think you’re being very mean to be honest. I am your DH in this situation in that I ask my partner and daughter the same. Making them happy means a lot to me and I work hard to do so. I ask because I want to know if I’ve achieved what I set out to do, not because I want praise heaped upon me or a medal. My partner also asked me because he loves me and wants to know I’m happy. Be happy he loves you enough to care.

You sound lovely.

Why would you not just take this question at face value? You're reading a lot into it, assuming it must mean he thinks you didn't have a nice Christmas, or that he wants extra praise or whatever. Why not go with the more generous and more likely assumption that he just wants to know if you enjoyed yourself. Maybe he wants to debrief, exchange a conversation about how it went together? Perhaps he had a nice time with you and just wants to let you know that. Your interpretation is rather odd and mean.

Of all the things I have read on MN about the awful behaviour of people's partners over the festive period, this is one partner who is actually doing something nice, and this is your reaction? I find it unbelievable that you are making a thing of this.

If you have the ick I am sure plenty of other women would appreciate a man who asks them how they are feeling.

I also read this as an attempt at connection.

Let's be honest. You don't have that many friends, do you?
I can't put up with irritable people like OP, always seeking for a reason to be grumpy.
OP, it's bloody obvious that regardless of how uneventful Christmas may have been for you, your partner is still curious about how you felt about it. There is nothing wrong about it, and you should reconsider your stance here because what you are doing here is the kind of behaviour that break marriages in the long term. Change your attitude, lovely.

Oh, by the way, shame on you for your appalling, and sexist, stereotyping of hairdressers, who have one of the least recognised jobs in this world.
Get off your high horse.

That would give me the ick and scream insecurity issues to me. Wish I had asked that question to mn 20+ years ago when my now EXH used to ask 'are you happy' on our early dates and proceed to become a nasty drunk as time went on,

God, you sound horrible. You don’t like him very much, do you? It sounds as if he’s just looking for a bit of communication and connection.

If this is real, you need to work a bit harder at your relationship- or admit that you no longer like him and leave.

Poor man.

I’m sort of with you OP

I think it might be the phrasing. DH will often say “that was fun, wasn’t it” or “nice evening” when we’ve seen friends/family. Somehow that isn’t as irritating as “did you have a nice time” but I think it’s got the same underlying intent - it’s a conversation opener, a moment to appreciate the nice day together, and yes a slight self-pat on the back, but not in a bad way.

Would you find it less annoying if he said “that was nice, wasn’t it” rather than “did you have a nice time?”

Grown women talking about the 'ick' is far more off-putting IMO.

Poor bugger. Sounds like he's walking on eggshells or trying to please you.

I'm not sure the asking if you were happy and later being a nasty drunk are directly related.

Did he ask and it led to a conversation / change if you said you weren't happy or was it more of a habit to feel as though he had checked in?

Some people genuinely care about their partners and want to check in / chat about their days.

Either way, I'm sorry you had that experience, I hope you're happy now.

Agree. Revolting phrase.

Yes probably was a bit of a random comment but I look back and see that he was asking so that when I wasn't happy he would say... "well you said you were happy" as if I should've spoken up. Thank you yes, I am happy now I don't live with Jekyll & Hyde!

why can you only answer 'yes?' though?
Surely you can answer anything you want!
I'd see this as a general opening question to start a conversation, more informal than "shall we debrief?"
e.g. with the friends you could reply anything from "yes it was lovely to catch up with everyone, we should do it again!" - which leads into when you'll meet up next, where, what to do, who to invite. Or "yes but can you believe how much weight Mary's lost/Bob's new girlfriend/what they said about X" - leads into a different conversation. Or "yes but let's not buy that dessert again, it took way too long to defrost and wasn't that nice," etc. Why would it just be a 'yes/no' binary answer?

Same with Christmas. It's just a general conversation opener that gives you the opportunity to discuss the best and worst parts, things you might do differently next year, have a laugh talking about something funny that happened/was said, plan for the next few days, talk about how you miss someone who is no longer there, etc.

I don't really get what you're asking tbh, are you saying that once something has happened you never want to discuss or look back on it again at all, so him asking if you enjoyed yourself is pointless, or is it just the specific phrasing of the question you don't like, in which case how could he have phrased it to be less annoying to you?

Nor do I