DH asking if I had a nice Christmas irks me

[RainbowDr0p]

I know I am probably BU but wondering if I am alone in this?!

We've had a lovely few days, Christmas's ice skating, mulled wine and shopping in York then lovely Christmas day and pizza hut, shopping and a panto yesterday. Everyone in good spirits.

On Christmas evening, DH asked if I had a nice day. I bit my tongue and said yes, have you?" and he said yes too. Last night he asked if I had a nice Christmas and I said I had but I hated being asked that as had I given any indication otherwise? He said he was just trying to make conversation and I told him he's not my hairdresser! We didn't row or anything and moved on just fine.

I've realised he asks this a lot after we have had nice days or unusual days. AIBU in thinking it's an unimaginative - maybe praise seeking - question?!!!

Yes this, he wants to have a chat about it, enjoy sharing highlights, have a nice cosy review of the day. So yabvu. Poor bloke. Maybe read the thread about the man who’s managed to ruin his own birthday. Now that’s an annoying response to a nice day!

My DH and I do this, it’s a way to start a conversation and chat about what a nice day we had- the bits that we really liked/were special 🤷‍♀️

I think that’s the issue

but to me it’s a normal question that’s used to check in with each other (friends too) about how things went

is there some additional pressure you are not mentioning?

You sound difficult to live with.

Mine does this and I have no issue with it at all, I always take it as his way of sort of saying "I feel happy and like that went well, do you feel happy too - let's share the happy feeling together". He's not looking for praise or deep discussion about it, just a shared acknowledgement of feeling satisfied. Mainly because he genuinely likes me to be happy which is a nice thing.

Seems like a normal caring thing to ask. Means you can reminisce together about what was nice, bring up anything that was stressful or that you hoped to do but didn’t have time for, or as a starting point for chatting about other things that came up. Your response sounds not great for maintaining a happy relationship long term.

Really interesting, I love some of the suggestions on replying and pulling out the answer, it's probably what he is expecting and seems reasonable but by the end if the day I am tired and not wmating to think so hard to analyse...

I, like everyone else probably, do wonder more these days if I am ND! He will ask me how work was and on an office day when I have done a 5 hour round trip drive or had a manic wfh day I have to say I'll chat about it later as I need time to process it before the main parts of my day jump out at me, like I need to not think about it while my brain works out what is mentionable. I need time to process before I analyse things.

If we had friends over/out with friends, I might ask my husband did he enjoy the evening, even though I was there.
He would ask me too.
It isn't a given that you enjoy every evening with people!

It sounds like he pulls his weight.
Could it be hormones?
Sometimes things and people get on my tits for no reason....😁

It sounds like a perfectly normal question to ask to me?
And also I get that for him its a conversation starter and i can't see an issue with that at all TBH?
I'd be more worried if he went to bed not saying or asking anything at all. At least he's engaged and interested to hear what you thought??

It could be praise seeking, it could just be chatting. Does he thank you / compliment you when you do things well? Do you do the same for him?

You say he likes to cook and makes christmas dinner but you don't like to gush about it.

Maybe he is reading your lack of gushing as him not quite getting it right?

Isn't it just manners to thank / find something nice to say when someone has spent hours preparing a meal?

Are you easily irritated OP?

You’re being very weird. What if some things had happened during the day like your mum griping at you or the like.. you’re not going to have a face on all day or talk about it openly, so he’s asking at the end of the day so you can vent if anything did go wrong being the scenes. I can’t even imagine at being offended by someone giving you the opportunity to vent if you need to. Poor man.

I ask my DH this because a) I genuinely care b) if he hasn’t I want to know if I can do anything to make things better. I’m really surprised you’re so unpleasant about it particularly given your updates of him pulling his weight…

100% agree.

It was a bid for connection. You could have told his something specific your particularly enjoyed. And then asked him.
It was a little grumpy of you imo.

Wow.

Just read this reply. Could you have a conversation with your husband about your need to process before having a conversation about your day?

You may both enjoy the conversation more if you started a routine of a chat after dinner / bath etc.

I ask my wife if she has had a nice day even if we have been together, I like to hear her observations etc as we have spent most of the day focused on kids or activities. It's similar to seeing something and thinking "I wonder if DW would like this", she's my favourite person.

My DH does this on days where we have done lovely things and it's obvious we have both had a great day. But I think it's lovely that he asks and cares, it starts a conversation about the great thing we done and how we can't wait to do it again etc etc. I think you either have the ick or are just being a crank.

It might be better to word it as "did you enjoy yourself," but he sounds kind and thoughtful unlike many of the twat husbands on MN, unless we're missing some backstory like him not lifting a finger and you running yourself ragged during the festive period.

this!…when I read things like this I think to myself “now I know why men don’t understand women! 🙄”

My husband and i ask each other this.
It usaully prompts you to say what you particularly liked or if something annoyed you etc.

Doesnt have to be a start of a big convo. So i think 'yes' is a bit of a short answer and being annoyed by it cause he was there.

I also see it as a conversation starter.
For example: Yes I loved our time in York. Next time however I want to go to Betty’s no matter how long we have to queue. I also wish I had bought those boots I was looking at.
Or, have you had a good day at work: Not really the new boss I was telling you about has been a complete twat today. Made me attend yet another pointless meeting. How was your day?

If you aren't showing it, it's reasonable for him to check in in how you're feeling.

I think you are vbu over this.

If my Dp asked me, I would say “Awaah yeah I did, I had a lovely day, wasn’t it nice to see xxx or do xxx, did you enjoy dinner? I really like the gravy, it was my favourite part of dinner, how about you?…and so the conversation continues

Definitely agree that your husband is looking for connection and to enjoy 're-living' the best bits with you or to check in if anything made you unhappy etc.

But I do also understand your need to process things and feeling tired. We have a code word / phrase (weird I know but borne out of a day when things were a bit fraught). When I'm tired or grumpy or whatever I just say can we chat tomorrow as I'm knackered and 'having a crumpet day' or whatever weird phrase. It lets the other person know that you would like the connection but now is not the right time.