DH asking if I had a nice Christmas irks me

[RainbowDr0p]

I know I am probably BU but wondering if I am alone in this?!

We've had a lovely few days, Christmas's ice skating, mulled wine and shopping in York then lovely Christmas day and pizza hut, shopping and a panto yesterday. Everyone in good spirits.

On Christmas evening, DH asked if I had a nice day. I bit my tongue and said yes, have you?" and he said yes too. Last night he asked if I had a nice Christmas and I said I had but I hated being asked that as had I given any indication otherwise? He said he was just trying to make conversation and I told him he's not my hairdresser! We didn't row or anything and moved on just fine.

I've realised he asks this a lot after we have had nice days or unusual days. AIBU in thinking it's an unimaginative - maybe praise seeking - question?!!!

You sound like hard work. As others have said he is starting a conversation and you are cutting him off. You are the one being unreasonable not him

Exactly. It's a harmless conversation starter.

Responding with contempt and irritation says a lot about the recipient of the question.

I would love to be asked this by my husband!

Jesus, your poor DH. He must be walking on eggshells all the time.

My DH and I do this all the time — check in, invite discussion, just enjoy talking about the day.

Get this — he sometimes asks me outright if I’m happy in general.

He's trying to "provide" a nice experience and he wants reassurance that he's succeeded. You can say it gives you the "ick" or that it makes your fanny clap shut with a resounding clang or whatever the latest way of saying that you have contempt for your partner is, but he's just trying.
Alternatively, you can give your head a very hard wobble (think: slap), and stop being so nasty. I understand that it's irritating, but posting on the internet about it (even if anon) indicates contempt.

Does he ask this when things haven't gone so well? And want to listen and discuss the answer? Or does he only show an interest in your feelings when he knows the answer is a safe 'yes'?

I suppose if I'd been there too and was fairly sure the other person had had a lovely time - because I'd seen them do it, I'd say 'wasn't that lovely?' as a way of 'connecting' and allowing conversation to flow, rather than ask a question that implies we weren't both there, or they didn't know me.

Absolutely.

I get it too OP. Saying something like 'that was a lovely day, wasn't it? So much fun seeing Sarah and Mike' is saying the same thing and starting a nice conversation but less... Stating the bleeding obvious and praise seeking.

I also, if I've had a busy time and I'm tired and chilling afterwards, the last thing I want to do is rehash it all in minute detail rather than just relax and watch some TV or something and continue to enjoy my day. I don't know how to explain the differene - It feels a bit like an official debrief when it's just a question requiring my opinion, rather than a statement and asking if I agree. If that makes sense. I'm not explaining it very well!

Serious question - what do you think about your partner generally? Everyone has small unreasonable irritations with their partner, but most people don't post them on the internet. To me it feels disloyal and I don't understand why you'd do it unless you're indifferent to or dislike your partner.

I asked my husband this. It's a way of building emotional intimacy and sharing in his inner world.

Of course you don't have to just answer "yes".

You could say "yes, it was great watching the kids open their presents...I really loved the Christmas market, maybe we could see if there are any farmers markets during the year we could try out...it was good but maybe aim for a quieter Christmas next year, it felt a bit much at some points for me...." etc.

He cares about your experience and wants to understand it. Why is this a bad thing?

Christ, what must it be like to be in a marriage where even 'did you have a nice day?' pisses your other half off? How stressful must that be?

I think I'd suggest to your husband that he never speak to you at all, unless directly addressed. Like a servant or a courtier.

No but you'd hope the odd incident would be discussed at the time. Like I went out for walk with DS and came home and we talked about it DH. DH told me when he went out to find the bins for our Xmas rental and had a gentle moan.
I think it's weirder people aren't telling their other halves how it's going at the time. They shouldn't have to ask really.

My DH does this after we’ve spent the day with his family. Yesterday, having hosted 24 of them, I hadn’t had a particularly nice day, and was worn out. But what can I say except ‘oh yes, did you?’. If I mentioned how rude his nephew is, and how tiresome I find his aunt he’d be upset. So, ‘oh yes, did you?’ is the easier/kinder response.

Yes, this! It's almost as if your marriage isn't just a business transaction @TheAntisocialButterfly . Just imagine that!

Omg woman, and I never say this, @RainbowDr0p you’re far too hard work!

So when I go to peel potatoes and DH and DD are building Lego, if something happens that amuses him, he should jump up and run to tell me? And definitely not forget it before I come back in? He must retain it through DD announcing she needs the potty and clearing that away?

Just an example of normal life. Things get forgotten briefly but spoken about later.

I think it's nice that he asked you, he cares about you and wants to know if you've had a nice day! Your response to him was a bit snippy and unnecessary imo. If I asked my DH if he has had a nice day and he said why are you asking me that, you're not my hairdresser, I'd be quite annoyed. You were rude in response to a perfectly reasonable question!

I think this is an invitation to connect and talk about the day. So he’s wanting you to say something like “wasn’t the skating lovely” or something like that.

I can’t remember the statistics but there’s some research about couples that make it and how they are better at picking up each other’s attempts to connect. So it’s not the content that matters here so much as the fact that he’s trying to check in with you and have a conversation.

Surely this is just part of normal conversation and reminiscing about the day? DH might ask me if I had a nice day, I'd say "Yes, thank you, I especially loved watching Dr Who together with just the Christmas tree lights on" or "I loved it, thanks for doing the dessert when I was getting stressed, and I'm so pleased my roast potatoes were actually crispy! and everyone cleared their plate!" Nothing ground breaking, I'll give you that, but a nice chance to chat about the day.

The poor man

Why though? Just say it how it is—I’d totally do it. Why pretend? Saying something about your husband’s family doesn’t mean you don’t like them, but let’s be honest, sometimes people can be a lot. And you should talk to your husband about it. That’s literally the whole point of “Did you have a good Christmas?”
“Yeah, I did! Loved spending time with you and the family, but your nephew was acting like a little gremlin.”
This doesn’t have to turn into an argument. Just two adults discussing it. Who knows, he might feel the same :))

Yep. Or hairdresser.

That is really not the same thing at all.

I'm guilty of this but it works for us as it usually means I'm happy and have had a njce time and my husband and I then have a good chat about it, same with him he'll ask me if I had a nice time etc and it opens a chat about it all :)